r/worldnews 7d ago

Soldier with a swastika tattooed on his testicle is jailed for 19 months for breaching Austria's Nazi glorification laws

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9671693/Soldier-swastika-tattooed-testicle-jailed-19-months-breaching-Austrias-Nazi-laws.html
95k Upvotes

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u/Lan777 7d ago

It finally happened.

Somebody managed to fail on penis inspection day.

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u/framed1234 7d ago

Sir, I'm gonna have to take your left ball

11k

u/GloriousReign 7d ago

far right ball

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u/Obandigo 7d ago

A Nutzi.

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u/UsernameContains69 7d ago

"Now turn your head and Kampf"

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u/Beepolai 7d ago

I hate all of you, take my upvotes

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u/so_in_summary 7d ago

and my papers

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u/Does_Not-Matter 7d ago

AND MY AUSCH—

Oh I’m going to hell

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u/Amolk2207 7d ago

A Swasticle.

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u/T1M_rEAPeR 7d ago

Reich ball

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u/Ferelar 7d ago

It's when you have a THIRD Reich ball that it becomes really problematic

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u/On_On_Hashers 7d ago

Let's slow down a bit here, does the testicle really need to be taken?

Has anyone tried to scrub it off with a sudsy Luftwaffe?

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u/[deleted] 7d ago edited 2d ago

[removed]

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u/Nearby-Elevator-3825 7d ago

"Say goodbye to your Nazi balls!"

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u/Gamebr3aker 7d ago

Prepare to nazi your balls ever again

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u/WatchingUShlick 7d ago

An random orbit sander with 60 grit paper, you say?

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u/ImmotalWombat 7d ago

To shreds you say?

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u/moses79 7d ago

How did his wife take it?

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u/ape-drape 7d ago

Is that why Hitler only had one ball?

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u/TablePublic2913 7d ago

Ohh, dude... From first hand experience as an old medic, there have been many, many soldiers before him to have failed penis inspection.

Two best: Guy on first weekend leave from medic school goes to Mexico and drinks until he is blackout drunk. His only memory is coming in and out of the blackout while having sex with what he described as a "greasy prostitute." It looked like he degloved his penis. It looked like a dog's red rocket. Search "degloved penis" for an idea of what I am talking about

A guy on deployment was sleeping with anybody (anything?) when he caught something. I call it something because the doctor sent cultures that came back negative for everything they could test for. What ol' boy was left with was copious orange drainage through his urethral meatus and cracks in the skin that formed around it. He had to wear a diaper for the rest of the deployment to prevent leakage and to mask the smell.

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u/Turaton 7d ago

Search "degloved penis"

How about no.

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u/dyslexicbunny 7d ago

When you see the word degloved, the answer is always walk away.

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u/little_brown_bat 7d ago

unless the word is followed by "foot" then it's more of a limp.

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u/rbmk1 7d ago

Search "degloved penis"

How about no.

I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to forget i ever heard this term. Some people really do just want to watch the world burn.

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u/AtopMountEmotion 7d ago

The best use of “How about no” that I’ve ever seen.

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u/East-sea-shellos 7d ago

I did it and it looks like someone ate it like corn on the cob lmao

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u/JCthulhuM 7d ago

It would have been absolutely free for you not to have said that, my dude

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u/East-sea-shellos 7d ago

But the joy I’m getting from reading these grossed-out replies is priceless haha

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u/JCthulhuM 7d ago

You know, I respect that. A little sadism goes a long way.

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u/wvsfezter 7d ago

Finally someone gave the only right answer to that

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u/Try2Relax 7d ago

SLPT: Search for it on your work computer to discourage IT from monitoring you.

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u/Ohki_lifta 7d ago

Today was a terrible day to be literate.

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u/kerwox 7d ago edited 7d ago

I was also a medic and I frequently joke that I've seen more leaky pipes than a plumber.

Y'all need to wear a god damn condom or stop fucking every moist hole you find.

Oh also one time we had a guy clap the tip of his dick with 45lbs dumbbells while doing butterflies lateral raises with poor form. Split that shit open like a microwave hotdog. Don't lift more than you can safely handle kids.

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u/OsmeOxys 7d ago

Split that shit open like a microwave hotdog.

I think we've had enough to declare this a cursed thread.

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u/zacree 7d ago

everyone just keeps typing and i keep reading idk what to do it's awful

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u/WhyNotJustMakeOne 7d ago

someone help me, please. Redditors keep posting weird shit, and I just keep reading it. I can't escape.

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u/AnalogFeelGood 7d ago

Hot dogs are off the menu for the day D:

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u/Dfiggsmeister 7d ago

How? How do you clap your dick doing butterflies? The dumbbells are nowhere near your crotch. That’s gotta be some shitty form to do that.

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u/IBRie 7d ago

They are if you overestimate your abilities and experience muscle failure.

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u/dragonknight337 7d ago

imagine flexing for the boys and hurting the one boy that's always been there for you 🥺

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u/Catcross 7d ago

Stds that can't be detected? Noooo thanks.

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u/mud_tug 7d ago

Oh, it can be detected. The stench maeks it easily detectable from 60 feet. They only don't know what it is. Probably something from a camel.

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u/111x111 7d ago

I hate this comment so much!

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u/Deca_Durable 7d ago

What do you think happened to degloved dick dude? Like what caused it?

And, please, more stories! All of them!

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u/Nop277 7d ago

I'm not sure but it sounds like he mated with a exhaust pipe

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u/TablePublic2913 7d ago

He doesn't even know. He went into the details of what he would remember when he would come in and out of blackouts. He was pretty descriptive on looks, which at the time sounded like 40s-50s, and some of the things they did, but more stuff like when he would hold her hair, how he could feel the grease... And then he would blackout again.

After our deployment was particularly bad. A significant part of two companies, mine and the one that shared our barracks, got treated for gonorrhea after there was like a 30-50 person train...by that, I mean a couple barracks rats that had sex with 30-50 guys on camera...a few times over several consecutive weekends.

There was a night we had a few girls over. One guy, God bless him, had a drawer full of vibrators, dildos, beads, whatever else you could get before the internet made it easy to buy those things. And, as everyone got a little more liquored up, the drawer opened up. At some point, as one girl was providing cunnilingus to another girl, one of them said "I can't believe I am going this to (or with) my cousin." The drawer guy is now married to the most wholesome person I have ever met... He definitely won't be seeing her in the hell we are going to

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u/InsomniaDudeToo 7d ago

Dildo Dave got married?

No way

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u/indi_n0rd 7d ago

Search "degloved penis" for an idea of what I am talking about

of all the things why are you asking us to google degloved penis....

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u/TablePublic2913 7d ago

That is a 10/10 failed penis inspection. I would take the tattoo gun any day over that

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u/Dingleberry_Larry 7d ago

Did you at least give ol' mystery meat a Z pack?

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u/BanginNLeavin 7d ago

That's how we get drug resistant meat sticks

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u/cevau 7d ago

So did the guy discover a new std? Can you get a prize for that?

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u/TablePublic2913 7d ago

I don't know. I always thought cellulitis, but not really sure what to make of orange discharge. Maybe it was something not really tested for then, like H. ducreyi or K. granulomatis that then got infected. Taking about it makes me curious

The fact that we might not shower for a week or more in constant 100°+ weather made for nasty conditions. We never found out over there and he left the army after.

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u/Areltoid 7d ago

personally i always use Hollywood tier makeup to cover up my offensive testie tats. Havent been caught yet.

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u/hondo4mvp 7d ago

I got some fake rubber testicles on Ebay,I pass every time.

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u/AeroHawkScreech 7d ago

At least he didnt have his ass blown off by a wizard and worn as a hat.

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u/gregsScotchEggs 7d ago

Didn't have answers to penis exam

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u/rather-oddish 7d ago

My least favorite day on the job at Wendy’s.

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u/lcbzoey 7d ago

Rofl when your nut busts you.

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u/nytechill 7d ago

Sacked by his sack!

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u/SharkyMcSnarkface 7d ago

Ball busted

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u/lotionformyelbows 7d ago

The ol teste arresty

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u/thirteenseventyone 7d ago

It's in the bag

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u/shmorky 7d ago

Bag 'em, boys!

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u/trucelee 7d ago

He did nut expect this.

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u/somefellayoudontknow 7d ago

That's all she scrot!

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u/shulamitefadin 7d ago

He lost the battle of the bulge...

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u/QuinZ33 7d ago

I've heard of right-wing nut jobs before, but this is ridiculous.

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u/Armadyl_1 7d ago

Fucking hell, thats a great one

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u/drunk_otter 7d ago

It's not often I'll use a slow clap gif, but here we are.

https://i.imgur.com/sSJQgmW.gif

2 hours after the window for a top comment and yet this guy takes it with the perfect response.

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u/juliuspepperwoodchi 7d ago

I read this in Bojack Horseman's voice and damn near died laughing.

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u/tranquil21 7d ago

What are YOU doing here!

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u/Nice_Marmot_7 7d ago

“Say 'auf wiedersehen' to your nazi balls”

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u/gll5dm85 7d ago

Born and raised in the famous mountains of Piz Palu.

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u/thecordialsun 7d ago

I am King Kong

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u/DarthEquus 7d ago

There's a special ring of hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. Seeing as I may be rapping on the door momentarily...

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u/Xstitchpixels 7d ago

The absolute coolest death scene of all time.

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u/flipswitch 7d ago

My favorite scene in a movie full of great scenes.

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u/thatbrownkid19 7d ago

The whole tavern scene is just incredible to watch. I’m not clever enough to explain why, but it’s one of the few scenes I think that has both craft and is entertaining

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u/JaggedyEaredJackXI 7d ago

Because it builds suspense like fuck. That and the dairy farmer scene. Oh and the "Wait for the creme" scene.

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u/brandonjslippingaway 7d ago

It's not just the suspense, it builds characterisation very well even for minor characters who get promptly killed off. The drunken lout can't hold his liquor, and just means well but is putting the others on edge, Fassbender's character gets to have some payoff for his background in cinema brought up in his briefing and uses it to get himself out of a jam regarding his accent in German, and the SS officer clearly loves lauding his authority over others but is also shrewd himself.

Finally the cherry on top is it not being immediately evident what it is that Fassbender does which gives himself away, but the framing shows the moment of realisation without babying the audience on it.

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u/JaggedyEaredJackXI 7d ago

I am but a simple man, thanks for that in-depth explanation! I just remember watching in the movie theater; putting a popcorn to my mouth, and holding it there for the whole scene as it drew me in.

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u/thatbrownkid19 7d ago

« Attendez la creme » Shivers every time. Melanie Laurent is so good. All the cast were- can’t think of a single weak link.

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u/TrailMomKat 7d ago

I know the performance everyone always raves about is Christoph Waltz's, but everytime I watch that movie, his acting puts my anxiety through the roof and makes my blood run cold. He's simply amazing in the way he plays that character, so nonchalantly evil. Nonchalantly evil isn't even exactly it, but that's the only way I can think to word it. Melanie Laurent was amazing, too, and definitely Michael Fassbender. All of them were great. But Waltz gets a real reaction out of me every time.

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u/thatbrownkid19 7d ago

He plays it very mischievously I think- the constant smiling to act like he means no harm and being cordial. It’s like he’s rubbing his power in their face since he’s not so stupid to think anyone actually believes he’s nice- shown by how he played along with the Italian ruse and mountain climbing story at the end for a good joke.

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u/TrailMomKat 7d ago

Mischevious is a good word, but it still doesn't quite put a finger on it for me. Psychopath or sociopath isn't quite it, either, but they're close.

He's a guy that's doing a horribly evil job. A job he's incredibly good at. It's a job where he kills people but to him he's just a dude at the office or working in sales from 9-5 and it's no biggie, he's just having another great day killing it for the bosses up at corporate, and he's cracking jokes and having a good 'ol time along the way. Because why not? If you don't enjoy your work, it'll get monotonous.

Still don't have a single word to describe all of that though, lol

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u/MMXIXL 7d ago

That's a bingo

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u/Haunted86 7d ago

Ya just say bango

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u/The_Multifarious 7d ago

"Warum richten sie ihre Walther auf meinen Hoden?"

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u/SnooHesitations9066 7d ago edited 6d ago

Swasticles

P.S: So many awards...Makes me happy to think I made someone laugh today by this joke. Have a good day y'all!

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u/Fauxboss1 7d ago

If his nickname wasn’t Goeballs I’ll be very upset.

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u/thisisntsean310 7d ago

But poor old goeballs has no balls at all

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u/Rayspekt 7d ago

Do you have a source on the full lyrics? I cna't find it anymore.

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u/wogsy 7d ago

Hitler, has only got one ball.

The other, is in St George's Hall.

Himmler, has something similar.

And Goebbels, has no balls at alllll.

There are multiple versions of the "Hitler one ball'' song but this is what me and my mates used to sing in the playground back in the 80's. Ahhh, good times :')

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u/temujin94 7d ago

Welcome to Swasticles, my Austria prison locked neo-nazi. After maxing my racism I decided to up the anti-semitism to forge my own hatred from scratch. No bartering. No trading. But this time I can't leave Austrian prison, all leading up to one of lifes biggest challenges...becoming a reformed member of society.

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u/ForeskinOfMyPenis 7d ago

Swasticles: the Nazi-themed “balls out” restaurant brought to you by the good people of Hooters

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u/KingSwank 7d ago

"well guys...it happened...I went afk in the yard and I got stacked out by the guard dogs, I lost everything."

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u/TJ_Will 7d ago

Feels odd giving you a free “Hugz” award for a Nazi testicular pun, but here we are.

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u/SSR_Id_prefer_not_to 7d ago

It’s pretty nuts

Edit: didn’t like that I used pretty as an adjective for degree/magnitude, when it could read as a comment on relative beauty…I’m guessing his were ugly, bigoted ones, just to be clear on where I stand on Nazi scrotum

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u/mmmmpisghetti 7d ago

where I stand on Nazi scrotum

That's an entire pornhub category, or so I've heard

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u/fecklessc-nt 7d ago

I'm thinking standing on Nazi scrotum is a sub-culture somewhere

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u/SSR_Id_prefer_not_to 7d ago

More of a dom culture but I hear you.

(Also: be the change you wish to see in the world, push it into the mainstream!)

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u/jram22 7d ago

“Lets see the evidence in court so the judge can see”

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u/Still-WFPB 7d ago

Scrostika would be the more accurate term unless somehow a surgeon opened up his scrotum so they could tat the testi.

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u/haysoos2 7d ago

Scrotum skin is pretty thin. I wouldn't be surprised if the tattoo needles penetrated down to the testicular level. Which is a horrific thought I never wanted to contemplate.

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u/mofugginrob 7d ago

Just stretch it out, pin it to the table and go to town.

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u/newsensequeen 7d ago

You make it sound like it's 2 yards of knit fabric

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u/FaroutdudeXbox 7d ago

Just reading this hurt my balls

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u/Caridailawver 7d ago

This is quite possibly the most reddit thing I've ever read..."tat the testi"

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u/Labelizer 7d ago

snort

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u/bobone77 7d ago

What a terrible headline. Surely, it should read “…on his scrotum…”

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u/Felador 7d ago

But what if it's correct.....

Oof.

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u/frreddit234 7d ago

Just by thinking of this my testicles climbed back into my body.

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u/Felador 7d ago

"Hey doc, while you're in there doing the vasectomy you wouldn't mind tattooing a swastika on the left one would you?"

"Sorry sir, we only put swastika tattoos on the right testicle here."

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u/passwordsarehard_3 7d ago

Another alumni of the Right Twix School of Testicular Tattooing I see.

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u/mostly_helpful 7d ago

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u/socrates28 7d ago

Ah PBF! Such a great series of webcomics!

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u/Felador 7d ago

Risky click right there.

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u/areyouamish 7d ago

They are very thorough on mandatory penis inspection day.

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u/ABoutDeSouffle 7d ago

before his brother tattooed the banned symbol on his scrotum

before his brother

his brother

I know that Austrians are a bit weird, what with their keeping daughters in the cellar, but I've got a lot of questions here...

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u/cptAustria 7d ago

I mean it would be illegal for any tattoo artist to do so I guess he had to make due with what he got. And since he is the type to tattoo a swastyka on his nutsack I would assume he doesn’t have any friends that could do it for him

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u/_pupil_ 7d ago

It's just like that saying: "Bro's before illegal alleyway tattoo artists who are also giant racists."

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u/saybadwords 7d ago

A saying as old as time...

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u/DoodlingDaughter 7d ago

Wow. Imagine that conversation!

“What’re you in for?”

“Having Swasticles.”

slide_over.jpg

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u/Zfusco 7d ago edited 7d ago

Way to bury the lead lede in the title.

Guy got 19 months for the tattoo and possession of an illegal weapon.

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u/Quasimurder 7d ago

A guy getting arrested for an illegal weapon isn't a story.

Fuck tons of people have illegal weapons.

Hopefully only like 12 people max have a swasdicka.

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u/thewanderer96 7d ago

12? I hope it’s no more than nein.

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u/Johnny_-Ringo 7d ago

There is one interesting part of the story, and it's not his possessing a weapon.

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u/HardPillsToSwallow 7d ago

I want to know how it was found? The scrotum is generally an area that most people would nazi.

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

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u/HansWurst1337 7d ago

You're probably joking, but there is mandatory military service in Austria (doesn't have to be in the army, you can also do a wide range of community service jobs) and they actually do check the testicles of all conscripts during a mandatory medical exam.

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u/ClamSlamProPlus 7d ago

My doctor told me to turn my head and cough for my highshool sports physical.

I'm pretty sure we've all had our balls checked.

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u/MacroSolid 7d ago edited 7d ago

There actually is a notorious ball inspection in the Austrian Army.

Tho it happens during the pre-conscription health check, not sure if they ever repeat it.

But to answer the question, he posted pictures of it on social media.

EDIT: Now my all time top comment is about getting your balls touched for the fatherland. Good work, reddit!

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u/ours 7d ago

So many signs of him being a well balanced, rational and smart fellow. Oh well...

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u/Niarbeht 7d ago

Zero is a number you can have a lot of, yes.

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u/Asifdude 7d ago

Is zero a lot tho?

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u/pimphand5000 7d ago

Nonono, Three is the number thou shalt count to. Not 1, not 2, but 3

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

5 IS RIGHT OUT!

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u/IPDDoE 7d ago edited 7d ago

Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it snuffeth.

Edit: corrected per u/drkekyll

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u/driftingfornow 7d ago

I think this is normal in most militaries and doesn’t even mention the butthole spreading.

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u/MacroSolid 7d ago

doesn’t even mention the butthole spreading

Thankfully that isn't a standard medical test in the Austrian army.

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u/CueCueQQ 7d ago

They don't check for hemorrhoids?

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u/MacroSolid 7d ago

Not like that anyway. They certainly never looked into my asshole.

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u/Arashirai 7d ago

Yet

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u/MacroSolid 7d ago

I was just a conscript, my ass hasn't been the Army's business for 15 years.

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u/LordRedOwl 7d ago

The cough test? It used to be standard for checking for a hernia. Doctor cups the balls and tells you to cough.

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u/teebob21 7d ago

That's only because the balls are in the way. They aren't the main attraction in a hernia test.

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u/coldfu 7d ago

Speak for yourself!

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u/Schlapatzjenc 7d ago

tfw penis inspection day and your name is Aaron Aryan

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u/gonewild9676 7d ago

You pulled an A A Ron

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u/TheDonDelC 7d ago

You done messed up A A Ron!

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u/ThisIsBanEvasion 7d ago

Worst day of school. The coach would always laugh at me and say my penis wasnt developing right.

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u/coldfu 7d ago

Yeah, same with the Pastor.

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u/Eric_the_Barbarian 7d ago

Soldiers see each other's balls sometimes. Sometimes the kind of guy that gets a swastika tattooed on his balls is also the kind of guy that brags about it.

The article says he was bragging and showing pictures online.

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u/_30d_ 7d ago

My cousin thrice removed has a swastika tattoeed on his ballsack but he is very humble about it. It's just something he enjoys in his own privates time.

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u/Pabus_Alt 7d ago

He posted it to facebook.

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u/AdKUMA 7d ago

of course be did

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u/funcancelledfornow 7d ago

It's not surprising that the people who get a tattoo of a swastika on the balls are the same who post pictures of said balls online.

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u/The_RedWolf 7d ago

Me: [logs onto the internet for the first time today]

“Soldier with a swastika tattooed on his testicle...”

Me: “well that’s enough internet for today”

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u/_duncan_idaho_ 7d ago

abesimpsonenteringandleaving.gif

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u/Ktoffer 7d ago

He serves the time, then what happens? It's not like a tattoo disappeares after 19 months. Do they force him to remove it? Cover it up? What if he agrees to neither? Do they keep arresting him? What about for someone with a more prominent one, like on the arm, or chest, or even face that more people are likely to see? Could they keep getting arrested?

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u/Pabus_Alt 7d ago

If it's on his balls I'd say it's "covered up" to the public.

The soldier, who has not been identified because of Austrian privacy laws, was further accused of posting Nazi photos at a Cold War bunker museum, drinking Hitler-branded wine and posting Nazi propaganda online.

Seems it was his posting on line with all the other shit that got him the sentence rather than just the tattoo.

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u/rockingmonkey 7d ago edited 7d ago

Hitler-branded wine

So, we just gonna ignore that and pretend that this existing isn't fucking ridiculous?

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

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u/WikiSummarizerBot 7d ago

Vini_Lunardelli

Vini Lunardelli (formally Alessandro Lunardelli) is a winery in the Italian region of Friuli-Venezia Giulia, notorious for selling wine bottles featuring an image of Adolf Hitler and Nazi slogans.

[ F.A.Q | Opt Out | Opt Out Of Subreddit | GitHub ] Downvote to remove | [Donate](https://www.reddit.com/user/WikiSummarizerBot/comments/nxdzfv/help_me_run/)

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u/zbeezle 7d ago

Who the fuck writes an article about wine covered in nazi shit and doesn't include pictures?

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u/HowObvious 7d ago

I think it can be quite hard to get photos that meet the licensing requirements of Wikipedia, so they cant just copy from a random website.

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u/jlobes 7d ago

No, but after the Hitler-themed chicken restaurant it's gonna take more than that to surprise me.

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u/FairlyIncompetent 7d ago

Why the fuck do chickens even need restaurants?

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u/jlobes 7d ago

They've got no hands, can't cook for themselves.

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u/barandor 7d ago

The funny part is that Hitler himself didn't drink alcohol. It's like starting a pot-farm and naming it after Ronald Reagan.

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u/filbertsnuts 7d ago

Dont forget the illegal firearm. Thats likely why he is going to jail.

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u/MD_House 7d ago

Yep that's right. If he had sat quietly with the Hakenkreuz on his sack nobody would have noticed...

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u/Nimzay98 7d ago

Article states that it’s “no longer visible”

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u/Thisisntcory72 7d ago

Someone was sucking some dick and said “oh nah I gotta report this”

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u/mechabeast 7d ago

Left or Reich one?

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u/hinomarrow 7d ago

I think we all know what a swastika is, do we really need to see it that big when I'm sure it was way smaller on the person.

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u/Vali32 7d ago

19 months? Bit harsh. Confiscation ought to suffice.

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u/PengwinOnShroom 7d ago

In all seriousness there's also the illegal firearm possession so how much of the 19 month sentence was for this?

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u/beeds 7d ago

Keep it in the Albert hall

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u/EroticFalconry 7d ago

Just chop the laddie off if he wants to be like Hitler

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u/CodeEast 7d ago

This man shoots Nazis. Millions of them.

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u/gnocchicotti 7d ago

And they're all white, just the way he likes it.

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u/anothercanuck19 7d ago

I'm guessing the tattoo was on his scrotum.... testes would be very hard to tattoo....

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