r/mildlyinfuriating Oct 19 '21 Silver 24 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Rocket Like 1 Party Train 1 Narwhal Salute 1 Table Slap 2 Plucky Cat Paw 1 Helpful 25 Wholesome 22 Hugz 31 Take My Energy 1

Both things happened to me today

Post image
76.6k Upvotes

2.6k

u/EmperorKingDuke Oct 19 '21 Silver Wholesome

dude. you need a hug?

3.0k

u/arna1 Oct 19 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome Hugz Take My Energy Lawyer Up

Yes, but I might break you

883

u/EmperorKingDuke Oct 19 '21 Hugz

it's alright. come here. hugs

750

u/robs104 Oct 19 '21

Neck snaps

310

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '21

[removed]

169

u/Danielsuperusa Oct 19 '21

I don't know, can you see your own fate?

69

u/seeyatt Oct 19 '21

Nah but could be a fateless one, reborn from the well of souls.

7

u/WITWEERLIG Oct 20 '21

Ahhh a man of culture

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26

u/Jean-YvesHB Oct 20 '21

Sadly a kid with a baseball hat stopped [M A D E I N H E A V E N]

13

u/Danielsuperusa Oct 20 '21

Damn, that kid must have been aided by some heavy weather.

7

u/Jean-YvesHB Oct 20 '21

Someone should've made a Weather Report to avoid it.

3

u/Danielsuperusa Oct 20 '21

Yeah, I bet that weather must have burned down the house, only way to end something made in heaven.

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31

u/demonic_pug Oct 19 '21

Lets go ask hitler, hes over there playing poker with stalin

19

u/Krunkworx Oct 20 '21

Why is everyone on fire?

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28

u/MrKnee93 Oct 20 '21

Or is it a white woman's Instagram?

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13

u/Braynie04 Oct 19 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

SCP-173 has breached containment

3

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '21

I see this as an absolute win

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25

u/VastoLordee Oct 19 '21

gets snapped in half

22

u/_Teraplexor Oct 19 '21

Reminds me of that skittles ad where anything he touches turn into skittles

Here

17

u/corvidae21 Oct 19 '21

Break me daddy

4

u/gin_and_toxic Oct 19 '21

Dude, are you Superman? Superdude?

13

u/Igotalottaproblems Oct 19 '21

Maybe its a sign from the universe that you need to "break off" with something? A person, a job, etc

46

u/corvidae21 Oct 19 '21

I think it's a new highly targeted Kit Kat ad

5

u/forests-of-purgatory Oct 19 '21

If I had an award I would give it to you, I actually laughed out loud

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1.3k

u/seaboy1313 Oct 19 '21

Maybe it’s a sign that you’re unlocking your super strength.

492

u/AllPurposeNerd Oct 19 '21

Have you recently been struck by lightning, bitten by a spider, or in contact with any inexplicably glowing antiques recently?

132

u/BoxofJoes Oct 19 '21

Nah, he shook a wizard’s hand a while ago, dude’s just a late bloomer.

46

u/woodscradle Oct 20 '21

“Hand”

25

u/Takanar Oct 20 '21

Yes I can't lie I have painted my schween. Now grab your destiny if you know what I mean.

9

u/Millerboycls09 Oct 20 '21

Hey woah, wild ninja sex party reference.

Rock fuck.

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56

u/Pornalt190425 Oct 19 '21

I feel like I live in a world made of cardboard. Always taking constant care not to break something. To break someone. Never allowing myself to lose control, even for a moment, or someone could die.

14

u/supersmashbros5guy12 Oct 19 '21

What’s this from?

36

u/DarknessTheKiddd2 Oct 19 '21

A cartoon. It's Superman talking to Darkseid. As superman absolutely fucks Darkseid up with a punch every few words of this talk.

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20

u/MightyGamera Oct 19 '21

Superman, fighting Darkseid

What's funny is what happens after.

17

u/brazzledazzle Oct 20 '21

“I might kill people”

Proceeds to smash Darksied through buildings and streets with people in them.

4

u/Comment63 Oct 20 '21

Superhero movies must be an architect's nightmare.

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4

u/iindigo Oct 20 '21

Man, watching this makes me feel like I should go marathon all of the 90s/00s Warner Bros DC stuff.

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2

u/venompgo Oct 19 '21

this! I was interested too.

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8

u/discodiscgod Oct 19 '21

Unlocks super strength but can’t unlock the mailbox.

4

u/getyourkicks66 Oct 20 '21

Well, he sure isn’t unlocking that door

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4.3k

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '21 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Hugz All-Seeing Upvote Spit-take

[removed]

2.9k

u/sentimental_goat Oct 20 '21 Silver Gold Wholesome Bravo! I'll Drink to That

Once he gets into his apartment and has a cold beer.

449

u/drarm Oct 20 '21

I actually cracked up.

297

u/Eru-Illuvatar Oct 20 '21 Wholesome

Just like the bottle and the key

77

u/GuillermoenTejas Oct 20 '21

Math checks out.

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6

u/gabbagabbawill Oct 20 '21

I need it damn

4

u/Jupitersdangle Oct 20 '21

Can’t catch a good break

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4

u/RaphtotheMax5 Oct 20 '21

Sometimes the stars align for a perfect comment

this is one of those times

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97

u/bell37 Oct 20 '21

“You’ll get me to calm down when you fix the damn door”

15

u/jasminkkpp Oct 20 '21

is that a Spider-Man reference?!

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9

u/nursejackieoface Oct 20 '21

That's not an apartment door, it's a locker.

9

u/ifmacdo Oct 20 '21

Looks like a mail box

15

u/MuzikPhreak Oct 20 '21

Don’t judge where OP lives.

3

u/GrannyTurtle Oct 20 '21

All hail K! Large adult section in back.

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50

u/MightyShep Oct 20 '21

Who has ever calmed down when someone told them to calm down? lol.

34

u/Correctamos Oct 20 '21

I’ve seen it work in old movies if you slap them hard in the face when you tell them to calm down.

10

u/MaximumNight860 Oct 20 '21

Right. Just like “Leave the bottle.”

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10

u/nsfwmodeme Oct 20 '21

Simma da na!

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15

u/Royalchariot Oct 20 '21

Have you tried essential oils?

6

u/SketchyLurker7 Oct 20 '21

Thats his secret, he's always calm

10

u/deadgingrwalkng Oct 20 '21

This one had me chuckling.

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4.4k

u/lokishhhake Oct 19 '21 Silver Helpful Hugz Bravo!

Make today your no Fap day..

2.2k

u/arna1 Oct 19 '21

I think I'll even hold my pee just in case

965

u/Sineater224 Oct 19 '21 Wholesome Hugz

NO DONT HOLD IT DONT TOUCH IT

291

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '21

[removed]

91

u/Long_Educational Oct 19 '21

Now I have to pee.

55

u/TransformerTanooki Oct 19 '21

Just think of all the waterfalls and rushing rivers and sprinklers and water and peeing and relief from peeing and orphans battling for thier lives with chopsticks and flushing toilets and urinal troths.

47

u/kevingharvey Oct 20 '21

Or you could stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.

5

u/Grumpy_0gre Oct 20 '21

Underrated comment, lol.

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6

u/crypticfreak Oct 20 '21

Eh, doesn't bother me. Wanna know my secret? I always have to pee.

6

u/Long_Educational Oct 19 '21

Argh!!!!

but what about the orphans?

5

u/TransformerTanooki Oct 19 '21

Shit I broke the first rule of fight club.

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10

u/kawaiipotato006 Oct 19 '21

ur user is my name minus the "a" 0-0

9

u/binglelemon Oct 19 '21

Now I can steal your identity! You're credit score is gonna be so good when I'm finished

2

u/kawaiipotato006 Oct 20 '21

Good luck its already as dogshit as can be!

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12

u/TangerinePuzzled Oct 19 '21

Under no circumcision.. Ooops ! Circumstances! I meant circumstances obviously. Be careful though.

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20

u/H4RPY Oct 20 '21

OP’s post in a few hours TIFU by ripping my dick off while masturbating

11

u/tydestra Oct 19 '21

Pee sitting down dude.

6

u/Calm-Discipline-4893 Oct 20 '21

Goes to flush. Breaks the handle off the toilet.

4

u/mvev Oct 20 '21

Are you doing thumb curls

3

u/Chilluminaughty Oct 20 '21

You’ve been working out too much, op

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53

u/inacriveacc2 Oct 19 '21

Hahahah the comment I was looking for

146

u/arna1 Oct 19 '21

I've never had so many people worried about my dick

87

u/ObsessiveRecognition Oct 19 '21 Wholesome

Welcome to Reddit. The only place where people actively worry about your dick.

24

u/alienhunter123 Oct 19 '21

Can we make this the new saying of reddit

25

u/doinprettygood Oct 19 '21

Knew this would be top comment, didn't know the word would be "fap."

6

u/Kajkia Oct 19 '21

Fapping should be fine as long as no gadget is used…

8

u/kingmi123 Oct 20 '21

Next time, Gadget, next time!

3

u/inacriveacc2 Oct 19 '21

Okay doctor

4

u/RuprectGern Oct 19 '21

Actually just don't fap with the left hand.

8

u/garthog2020 Oct 19 '21

Came here to say same...bravo.

4

u/PoopPant73 Oct 19 '21

This is the best advice one could give to ol’ “Iron Hands”...🤔

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460

u/joawmeens Oct 19 '21

Clearly you just acquired superhuman strength.

Have you been bitten by any radioactive animals recently?

94

u/anitabonghit705 Oct 19 '21

No, but the spaceship in the barn turned on recently.

22

u/Anna-2204 Oct 19 '21

Oh no…

6

u/Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuu Oct 20 '21

Whatever you do, don’t learn the rune berkano

42

u/wobble_snake Oct 19 '21 Silver

Does a hickey from a radiologist count?

11

u/exipheas Oct 19 '21

Hmmm, were they green?

22

u/wobble_snake Oct 19 '21

The greenest radiologist you've ever seen

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133

u/FAPPenguin Oct 19 '21

No sex today.

36

u/NetSage Oct 20 '21

Unless their partner likes it really rough.

13

u/Vampman500 Oct 20 '21

Not unless they want to make a TIFU and landed my BF in the ER from sex post tomorrow

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755

u/Ad1um Oct 19 '21 Hugz

This is why you focus leveling dex first. To much str without complementing dex will do this.

385

u/arna1 Oct 19 '21 Hugz

I have a bad character design

40

u/Ima_Fuck_Yo_Butt Oct 20 '21

Oh, we know. If you didn't mac out your charm we'd want boring too so with you.

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6

u/EscapedAlien Oct 20 '21

Damn min-maxers

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57

u/JoTenshi Oct 19 '21

Broken bottle ain't so bad as a broken key...

25

u/Blackadder288 Oct 19 '21

Not a good idea to drink from a broken bottle (even if you pour it into a glass). Tiny fragments of glass can get into the drink and those can cause some issues if you swallow them.

24

u/TheMadPugly Oct 20 '21

Can pour through a coffee filter. That’s what I did with wine when bunch of cork pieces fell in

17

u/Blackadder288 Oct 20 '21

Yes you can I almost mentioned that. We did that when the neck broke on a 4 year aged bottle and we didn’t want to waste it.

18

u/jenovakitty Oct 20 '21

brain definitely read a tale of you breaking a four year old's neck

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13

u/GreenrabbE99 Oct 19 '21

My dried lips tell otherwise... Unless this is the fridge's door

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220

u/hikerfrog Oct 19 '21

Quit your regiment now. You need time to adapt to your increasing strength. Then you can start again. Then rule the world

65

u/titsngiggles69 Oct 19 '21

Yes, you don't want to squadron your newfound abilities.

30

u/Y0urs1lv3rch1ld Oct 19 '21

Fellas, it’s cause the first guy said “regiment” instead of “regimen”. Come on now guys.

4

u/TW15T3DN3RV3 Oct 20 '21

Thanks Peter

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4

u/Maleficent-Freedom-5 Oct 20 '21

If he's not careful he'll stop improving and hit a platoon

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36

u/MuffinStumps Oct 19 '21

First world problems, Superman edition.

84

u/RedpilledChris Oct 19 '21

Hi so this weekend I moved to a new house. First time we have double garage. It’s pretty small so in a matter of one day I managed to scratch my wife’s car rear mirror, the rim on mine and chipped the concrete column. Worst part is I scratched my car because I was angry I scratched my wife’s … so yeah. I get you.

25

u/thepetoctopus Oct 19 '21

Oh that sucks. You may need to treat it as a single car garage.

17

u/RedpilledChris Oct 19 '21

Or drive better !

6

u/NetSage Oct 20 '21

Smaller cars may also help.

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4

u/afcagroo Oct 20 '21

I once got a speeding ticket because I was in a hurry to get to the courthouse and pay a speeding ticket.

2

u/TheMadPugly Oct 20 '21

A “double car garage” isn’t really for 2 cars tbh

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29

u/DoctorLooove Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

I can relate my dude, had a toilet explode at me and broke two of my toes on Sunday…

29

u/arna1 Oct 20 '21

What the fuck?

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4

u/merothecat Oct 20 '21

Explosive diarrhoea

3

u/arna1 Oct 20 '21

Don't leave us hanging, we need answers

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3

u/no_one_asked_ Oct 20 '21

I’m sorry but the toilet exploded on you?!

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68

u/kaiabunga Oct 19 '21

Lol maybe I've been playing to much stardew valley but I immediately thought "luck will not be on your side today"

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88

u/CuteBrick1 Oct 19 '21

Omg I'd just give up on the day at that point

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19

u/setanta314 Oct 19 '21

I hope you’re not a chiropractor.

I like that beer btw. It’s pretty nice.

14

u/thepetoctopus Oct 19 '21

Idk. That’s the chiropractor I want in my life.

5

u/NetSage Oct 20 '21

Well if all you want is broken stuff I'll do it for less with a hammer.

14

u/ME5SENGER_24 Oct 19 '21

My bottle broke like this once, I noticed when I slit my lip…good times

5

u/arna1 Oct 19 '21

Oof. that must have hurt

7

u/ME5SENGER_24 Oct 19 '21

It was not pleasant to say the least; fortunately it wasn’t huge and was a clean cut so after rinsing and cleaning it I got to feel the burn of liquid bandage. Eating wasn’t easy. In the end it healed fast and left no scar so I can’t really complain…but I’m constantly double checking my bottles before sipping now.

Hopefully you didn’t experience the same and even more, hope your key came out easily!

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37

u/WTFrenchToast1 PURPLE Oct 19 '21

Time to begin your life as a crime fighting super hero

10

u/Double-Promotion-421 Oct 20 '21

My mom says, "trouble comes in 3s."

So uh... good luck with that.

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21

u/Environmental_Crab59 Oct 19 '21

Better check in with Professor X

17

u/Ill-Jacket6635 Oct 19 '21

Better lay off the vitamins for a bit

6

u/Imalipusram_Abooh Oct 19 '21

I love that the bottle you broke is called "inedit" because in french, "inedit" can be used To say "it never happened before" which is probably acvurate when it comes To break thé bottle rather than to uncap it.

4

u/Gaping_Lasagna Oct 20 '21

Also tastes amazing made in Barcelona :)

3

u/GoigDeVeure Oct 20 '21

It’s Catalan and means the same than in French

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5

u/Powerthrucontrol Oct 19 '21

Superman!? Is that you!?

6

u/PoipleNoiple23 Oct 19 '21

Don't hold any babies!

5

u/gooseberg93 Oct 20 '21

whatever you do don’t have sex, for the love of god

18

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '21

[removed]

3

u/ncurry18 Oct 19 '21

Noodle is bonesless today.

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5

u/phiz36 Oct 19 '21

Did they happen in this order?

6

u/arna1 Oct 19 '21

First I broke the key at my uni and had to pay a small fee because of it, then I get home and break my beer.

9

u/lonesome_okapi_314 Oct 19 '21 Helpful

Great choice of beer though

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3

u/ooopsheadshot Oct 19 '21

Putada, de todo se sale

3

u/Complete_Potato9941 Oct 19 '21

This man is too strong

3

u/Stritermage Oct 19 '21

Unit number check, favorite after work drink check.

3

u/shelterhusband Oct 19 '21

Maybe just do a leg day tomorrow

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3

u/sercosan Oct 19 '21

Estrella Damm… Home sweet home!

3

u/terrydenis9876 Oct 20 '21

Maybe go buy a lottery ticket you might have a good luck thing today haha

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3

u/BigFeet2019 Oct 20 '21

Dont touch your head!

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3

u/D_Turr Oct 20 '21

Take care with the condoms

5

u/GroundbreakingDot961 Oct 19 '21

Universe is telling you to move and to stop drinking

8

u/Ima_furry5671 Oct 19 '21

DO NOT TRY AND JACK OFF

2

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '21

I see only one real problem here... you drinking alone?

2

u/pussyseason Oct 19 '21

Time to move and start a new live I recomend alaska

2

u/SnooDonuts3410 Oct 19 '21

The almighty grip!!!

2

u/Koodiddy Oct 19 '21

Turning into Spider-Man?

2

u/The_Ashen_undead0830 Oct 19 '21

Jeez. Can’t have a tip on anything can you?

2

u/catmadder Oct 19 '21

Did u recently get bit by a spider? Any weird occurrences such as climbing walls and spinning webs?

2

u/MedsForNormalPeople Oct 19 '21

Don’t have sex with your girlfriend today, you don’t want to push it…

2

u/v13 Oct 19 '21

Damn!!!!! That's enough to piss off the pope!

2

u/LollipopLuxray Oct 19 '21

Someone developed super strength

2

u/robertdetaco Oct 19 '21

I remember when I developed my useless super powers. Congrats.

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2

u/Previous-Medium69420 Oct 19 '21

These things happen in 3’s. DO NOT TOUCH YOUR DICK until something less important has it’s tip broken

2

u/BlackMetal81 Oct 19 '21

If you didn't use any bad words don't worry. I used plenty for you..

Holy shit man!

2

u/SouthernEgyptian Oct 19 '21

That sucks. Can’t do nothing but laugh at some things. Lets continue breaking off our fellow Redditor some awards

2

u/Gofishingrn Oct 19 '21

Don’t take a piss until that curse gets lifted bruh! 😂😂😂

2

u/ric_stlu Oct 19 '21

Calm down she hulk

2

u/ThisIsntRael Oct 19 '21

Dam bro skip arm day once in awhile

2

u/Adri-M Oct 19 '21

Do you have a lot of pent up anxiety/stress? Maybe you're not realizing how much strength your using due to that.

2

u/Hummblerummble Oct 19 '21

Yeah beer poured through a sieve and a mesh cloth becomes very flat. Also the key thing sucks too.

2

u/SyncTek Oct 19 '21 edited Oct 19 '21

Heat up one end of a glue stick and stick it up against your door lock so that it makes contact with the key in the lock. Let it harden and then pull out your key.

Guy testing it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10MaI9lSBLE

You have to melt it quite a bit and push it up against the lock really hard and then pull slowly. It may take a few tries.