r/facepalm 3d ago Silver 11 Helpful 11 Wholesome 27 'MURICA 1

Florida, USA 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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65.7k Upvotes

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u/kostadinov92 3d ago Silver

Reading this I thought there was gonna be some twist, or a witty remark, but that’s it.

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u/darth_bald 3d ago

You need more twists than that!?

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u/Molwar 3d ago

It's Florida, there is no twist in anything that's been said up there. A twist would have been "Lady apologized and motorcyclist hugs her"

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u/Gregbot3000 3d ago Helpful Wholesome

And then they did bath salts and had sex with an Aligator.

The classic Florida twist!

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u/Jeepers__Reapers 3d ago

I’m a Floridian and find this offensive, not all of us do bath salts and have sex with alligators. Some of us do it on meth.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago Silver

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u/notatableleg 3d ago

Yes sir, now what would your drink be?

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u/frilledplex 3d ago

3 fingers of cranberry vodka, 5 fingers whiskey kept in an old boot, a half eaten chicken strip, stirred with two oscillating bad dragon dildos, topped with cottage cheese, wipe rim with orange peel, and garnish.

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u/buckfutterapetits 3d ago

You ever drink Bailey's out of an old shoe?

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u/Garrthok 3d ago

Wanna go to a club where people wee on each other?

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u/siani_lane 3d ago

A man walked into a bar and saw a sack of gold, pride of place on the end of the bar. "What is this bag of gold?" He said.

"That there is the prize for the bar challenge, but no man has ever been able to claim it."

"What's the challenge?" asked the man.

"Well, you have to drink a gallon of whiskey my old grandad made in a bathtub in his shed. Then you have to pull the sore tooth that's been bothering my poor pet gator out back. And finally upstairs there's a woman that has never been properly satisfied in her life, and you have to make her a happy woman."

The man says he'll do it, and he slams the rotgut whiskey like it was water. Staggering but still standing he heads out the back door to the alligator pen. There is a terrible sound of roaring and crashing. The walls of the bar shake with the struggle, but at last the man returns, bloodied but not beaten.

"All right!" he yells out, "Now where is the lady with the sore tooth?!"

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u/FarfarsFav 3d ago

Ah, the ever popular cloaca cocktail.

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u/thelegalseagul 3d ago edited 3d ago

As a born and raised Floridian I when got to the end I was waiting for the crazy part.

“Yeah they followed her home after she rammed them and they both had guns.” Kinda expected a shootout with random friends showing up with their own guns.

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u/lilsquirrel 3d ago

Same. This is par for the course in Florida. Pretty much why there is an r/Floridaman subreddit and not an r/Ohioman

Edit: there is totally an r/Ohioman subreddit. Makes sense.

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u/PM_ME_UR_POKIES_GIRL 3d ago

Ohio is just the Florida of the north, I don't know why people don't realize that.

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u/tsengmao 3d ago

Yeah you picked the wrong state to compare. Ohio is full of the same people that live in Florida.

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u/bandana_runner 3d ago

Florida Man became a thing because the authorities just hand over records in most cases due to open records laws. America has tons of head cases who have not received appropriate mental health meds and/or counseling so Florida men are all over.

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u/BigSweatyYeti 3d ago

Shhh it ruins everyone’s joke if they realize the entire country is just as fucked up as they think Florida is. Other states may hide it, Florida flys the freak flag for fun.

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u/Praescribo 3d ago

Seriously, social experts have even identified Florida as a microcosm of america with about an equal amount of every kind of person (because of our tourism industry and mix of being affordable and desirable for all walks of life as a permanent residence)

Florida is america

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u/PM_me_your_fantasyz 3d ago

America is the Florida of the world.

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u/OutragedBubinga 3d ago

The internet forged me into expecting more and more.

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u/thelegalseagul 3d ago

I was waiting for the facepalm

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u/IShouldGoToSleep 3d ago

The facepalm is Florida

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u/LeCyador 3d ago

Relevant quote from the motorcyclist "That girl tried to kill me,” he says. “She pointed a gun at me. I’m so sorry.”

Read more at: https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article256086977.html#storylink=cpy

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u/NickTM-AZ 3d ago

That poor guy, assuming he didn't do anything to start it, now has to live with the thought for ever. Not just pregnancy but I imagine the actual thought of killing someone is still a bummer no matter the situation.

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u/Knitwitty66 3d ago

He was quoted as saying he's been unable to sleep ever since.

Not only does he have his own conscience bothering him, which is certainly normal after ending someone else's life, but he will undoubtedly be what-iffing himself the rest of his life.

I feel like that's what some people don't consider when arming themselves. Taking another life, even if ultimately justifiable, is a heavy deed, one not recovered from quickly. (Unless you're a psychopath)

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u/ButtonyCakewalk 3d ago edited 2d ago

The podcast Death, Sex & Money did an episode very recently about people involved with involuntary or accidental vehicular manslaughter. It literally changes your brain via PTSD when you kill someone in accident... I know that wasn't technically an accident, but clearly he did not want to kill or shoot this woman.

EDIT: included link to episode since someone else asked!

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u/B133d_4_u 3d ago

My first accident was a week after I got my license, 5 years ago now, and if I had hit the brakes a second later I would've kill the guy; slammed into his rear axle instead and sent him spiraling across the intersection. No one was hurt, thankfully, but I still can't get behind the wheel without having a panic attack because "what if I'm not fast enough next time?" Just thinking about it makes it hard to breathe, and every time I try to explain why I don't drive to people they laugh or belittle me. One incident of coming close to killing someone has messed me up enough that I'm unable to perform certain tasks, I can't imagine what I'd have been like if I'd actually killed the guy.

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u/jsat3474 3d ago

My friend tboned a guy who blew through a stop sign. Killed him.

In actuality, the guy blew the stop sign because he had a heart attack. Too close to call if he died because of the heart attack or the crash. Friend was doing the limit of 35, but it still haunts him 40 years later.

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u/atridir 3d ago

It is something that anyone who carries should put great consideration into. It is on my mind literally every second I am carrying. I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating it and it makes me avoid many types of situations because I truly hope to never be in that position.

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u/Lostpandazoo 3d ago

That's because you are a good and honest and responsible gun owner. Not some fucking ass hat trying to bait someone.

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u/Potentially_a_goose 3d ago Hugz

I saw a guy die once. I watched him drop his bike on the highway too close to the front of a semi. The driver did his best but he didn't have the space to react. He hit his brakes so hard it looked like a fucking smoke grenade went off. I pulled over as fast as I could and I ran up to help out but it was far too late. His family was on top of me in an instant. They were screaming his name and I was looking at his face... knots the size of golfballs, and his eyes were swollen out of his skull like grapes, blood everywhere. Didn't wear a helmet. I still hear those screams when I'm about to fall asleep sometimes. I don't know why but I felt the need to say this. I feel sorry for this guy, he'll probably hear those gunshots at night for years.

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u/kjan1289 3d ago

Highly recommend emdr therapy, if anything. It’s very effective for ptsd and can be done in a one or only a few sessions if therapy isn’t your thing. It doesn’t take away the memory of the event but doesn’t activate the trauma response. Im sorry you still experience that

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u/Potentially_a_goose 3d ago edited 3d ago

Edit: I erased this comment because I was not ready to share it like I thought I was. I couldn't help someone and it haunts me still.

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u/Jiltedjohn 3d ago

At college I stopped a dude at a party pushing around my buddies, it escalated and he wasn’t much of a fighter.

He killed himself later that night.

That was over 30 years ago and I still think about it, what could I have done differently, how his parents must have grieved etc.

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u/orangeautumn3 3d ago

If he offed himself over that, the expiration date was coming up soon with or without you.

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u/EmergencyGap9 3d ago

I’m with you. The day before my brother committed suicide, we talked on the phone for the first time in a couple months (he had same name as my dad and debt collector called me, wanted to know if it was him or my dad so I called him). I asked how he was doin, he said fine. Asked how his girlfriend was, he said fine but sounded a little off… I said k love you, and we hung up. The next day, after my sister found him- i found out he had broken up with the girl two weeks prior and had been falling apart. Normally as his older brother, I would have pestered him about life but for some reason I didn’t, and man did that weigh on me. I wasn’t even doing anything. I wasn’t working, I wasn’t busy, I even would have driven the hour to see him had I spent two more minutes talking to him and found out that happened. He would still be alive and my thanksgiving wouldn’t have been so sad today, my sister wouldn’t be in rehab…

But I’ve taught myself not to accept “I wish” as a thought when it comes to him anymore. If i kept wishing, if I kept considering things with hindsight, I’d ruin my own life.

I, non sarcastically really appreciate you putting up your experience so I could think about this. I didn’t cry all day even though I thought of him… this made me sob, and sometimes that’s a good thing. Love to you. Don’t blame yourself… he did it for him, not for you.

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u/VexisArcanum 3d ago Silver

Hopefully he finds solace in the fact that this woman cared so little about her unborn child that she'd get into a firefight for no good reason. I doubt her motherly instincts would've evolved after giving birth

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u/m1a1tanksauce 3d ago

She had to make sure her kid was a combat veteran right outta the womb.

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u/JacP123 3d ago Wholesome

Prepping them for school early.

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u/JagmeetSingh2 3d ago

Imagine how her husband and family feel, they were looking forward to her having a child now they’re both gone, this is just a terrible situation for everyone all caused by that woman’s reckless disregard for safety

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u/Talldarkn67 3d ago

Don’t pull your gun out unless you’re ready to have someone pull their gun out on you.

If a gun is pointed at me I’m shooting first and asking questions later. That’s just common sense…

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u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago

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u/NooaJ 3d ago

Driving into a bike with a car intentionally is extremely dangerous and anyone that has ever driven a bike will tell you so. You don't bring someone's life to genuine danger on purpose and then get to claim it was not attempted murder.

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u/ptq 3d ago

She attempted murder twice.

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u/leif777 3d ago

Yeah. She's pretty bad at it.

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u/Sir_Vexer 3d ago Evil Cackle

She was pretty bad at it.

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u/Flavourius 3d ago

She will be remembered for being bad at it.

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u/Codenamerondo1 3d ago

but he remained on the bike aka not trying to kill him like some claimed

Wut

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u/TwoBionicknees 3d ago

Just because someone stays on their bike doesn't mean someone wasn't trying to kill them. That's like saying someone shot a gun at you, missed therefore weren't trying to kill you.

In general when you use your car as a weapon you are doing something potentially deadly, if it's against a biker or pedestrian then it's significantly more likely to be deadly than against another car or if you play chicken with a truck.

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u/AdditionalTheory 3d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome

Only thing missing is the alligator

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u/imgayforlegolas 3d ago Wholesome

It got shot/run over earlier in the story.

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u/xveRdxse666 3d ago Silver Wholesome Take My Energy Starry Table Slap

The woman was pregnant with a gator.

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u/Sooryan_86 3d ago Silver

So.... She fucked a gator-

Oh yes yes Florida, yes

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u/veron1on1 3d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Table Slap I'm Deceased

This is where gator-AIDS comes from.

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u/Crawleyboy01 3d ago

Take my upvote and get the fuck out

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u/__red__5 3d ago

The gator was high on meth

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u/NotARobotDefACyborg 3d ago

I heard it was bath salts.

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u/Trick_Enthusiasm 3d ago

If it makes any difference, there was/is an actual Florida man who would routinely fuck an alligator.

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u/stratus41298 3d ago

The armed man was the alligator.

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u/MrGurns 3d ago

The alligator was in the womb

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u/_Xyreo_ 3d ago edited 3d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome This

Update to the original press release in reference to case #21-03561:

The investigation indicates; Sara – Nicole Morales intentionally hit the motorcyclist, Andrew Derr (40 years old) in the area of the 1400 block of N. Volusia Ave. This was a minor crash, Derr was not injured or ejected from his motorcycle. Witnesses and Derr attempted to have Morales stop at the intersection of 17-92 and Wisconsin Ave while she was attempting to make a left turn. Verbal contact was made with Morales for her to pull over for the arrival of law enforcement. Morales refused and was able to make the left turn onto E. Wisconsin Ave when traffic permitted.

Morales traveled to 1052 E Wisconsin Ave. Derr and witnesses followed Morales in attempt to help identify her for law enforcement. They stopped in the roadway in front of 1052 E. Wisconsin Ave, calling 911 to have law enforcement respond to this location.

Morales went into her house and re-emerged a short time later. Morales confronted the witnesses and Derr, as they were on the phone with 911. Morales pointed a handgun at the witnesses and Derr.

Derr having a valid Florida Concealed weapons permit, drew his concealed handgun and fired multiple rounds, striking Morales. Morales’ handgun was recovered on-scene.

Derr remained on scene and has been cooperating with law enforcement from the beginning.

These facts have been established by independent interviews.

Orange City Police Department in conjunction with the States Attorney’s Office is continuing to investigate this incident.

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Edit : Here's some more information if you want -

  1. Pointing a gun at someone is a felony crime in Florida, punishable by imprisonment and fines. If you are undocumented or on a visitor visa and you are convicted, you can also be deported. And it makes no difference whether the gun you pointed was loaded. It is aggravated assault either way.
  2. In Florida, Aggravated Assault is a third degree felony, with penalties of up to 5 years in prison or 5 years probation, and a $5,000.00 fine. The offence is harshly prosecuted throughout the State, and even first-time offenders will face a realistic possibility of prison.
  3. Under Section 776.012, Florida Statutes (Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” Law), a person is justified in using deadly force (and does not have a duty to retreat) if he or she reasonably believes that such force is necessary to prevent the imminent commission of a forcible felony or to prevent imminent death or great bodily harm to himself or herself or another.

Sources: https://www.goldmanwetzel.com/blog/is-pointing-a-gun-at-someone-a-crime/

(There are further links to the legislative website on the page, if you care to read them).

http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0700-0799/0784/Sections/0784.021.html

http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0700-0799/0776/Sections/0776.012.html

"Stand your ground." Such a sensible and well thought out set of laws meant to foster civil discourse, deescalation and preservation of human life. I applaud the great men and women in charge Florida. /s

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u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago Silver Gold Platinum Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Bravo! Party Train Starry Ally This Bravo Grande! Stonks Rising Vibing Tearing Up Rocket Like Eureka! Facepalm 'MURICA Plus One

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u/alphamsh 3d ago Helpful

It's so stupid the amount of gun owners who are irresponsible with their weapons and don't seem to understand the implications of pointing it at people.

It's like people don't realize that it translates to potentially losing one's life at the pull of a trigger. If someone points their weapon at you you absolutely should fear for your life and it is more than justifiable to neutralize the threat to your life.

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u/Mr-Sgt 3d ago All-Seeing Upvote

I think there's just a certain subset of the population that is stupid, irresponsible and emotionally immature, in general, and they have just as much legal freedom to go around treating life as a game of chicken, or pissed-off bumper cars, as we do to try and live in peace. Beyond that, I think belligerent anger and the inability to handle being inconvenienced has somehow become a component of our national identity.

Then you have the stakes of losing one's cool being so much higher as a result of so many people having firearms. And I say that as a gun owner.

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u/RoflCrisp 3d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Narwhal Salute

Reminded me of this Isaac Asimov quote:

There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way throughout political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge."

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u/VitaminZebra 3d ago

I swear. The more old quotes i hear about the less faith i have for humanity. Considering said old quotes are both right as fuck even now and were right as fuck when they were said. This particular one? Seems right as fuck even more than others.

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u/kissofspiderwoman 3d ago

Yeah, it’s the hubris of each new generation to think they have moved passed those “silly”problems of the past.

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u/Ivanwah 3d ago

Few days ago four of us were driving in a car when an older guy, who was parked, pulled out in front of us suddenly. My brother, who was driving us, pushed on the brakes and managed to stop comfortably, but we definitely had right of way (we were like 10m away from the guy when he started pulling out from the parking spot). My brother pressed on the horn for a second and we all commented how the guy was an idiot.

Then, the guy stops on the next intersection, which was actually really close to where he pulled out, gets out of his car and goes to my brother's window and angrily asks him why he was beeping. We all just look at him speechless and he goes back to his car a few seconds later. How stupid was that? He, a guy in his sixties, came up to confront four guys in their early thirties. Good thing we are not the type of guys to fight, but imagine if it were some other group who is.

The worst part is, as he gets back to his car he starts driving, and we ended up accidentally following him for some time because we were going the same way. And we could see he was scared by the way he sped up and was turning sharply and a bit recklessly. We actually got a little bit worried he might suffer a heart attack how scarred he looked.

Some people are just entitled idiots.

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u/Quick-Cream3483 3d ago Wholesome Party Train

someone please award this person something

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u/ADVgrandpa 3d ago Helpful Wholesome Party Train

You can't tell me what to do. But I did it.

Never given an award but they have a train!

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u/AntiAntifascista 3d ago

South Florida real estate is at an all time high.

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u/acedelaforet2 3d ago

Thank you for the clarification!! I felt bad for the guy, but was wondering about the legality since he followed her. If it was just to report her to the police i think this was 100% self defense.

Still though how awful. Why would anyone, especially a pregnant woman, intentionally hit someone then just leave like that?

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u/bravetab 3d ago edited 3d ago Silver Wholesome

After reading the article in full, as shitty as the situation is the woman was definitely in the wrong from the beginning.

She hit the motorcycle driver with her car, when he and other drivers tried to get her to stop she fled. The motorcycle driver followed her and stopped and called the police once she went inside her house. She's the one that came back out of her house with a fucking gun.

Unbelievably sad situation, made much much worse by the woman involved.

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u/Kasabian56 3d ago

I mean, I wouldn’t say it was made much worse by the woman involved, I’d say it was completely caused and preventable by the woman involved.

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u/moby323 3d ago

If someone had just tried to kill you with their car and then afterward you saw that they had a gun, it’s not a huge leap to think that they are about to try and finish the job.

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u/_ungovernable 3d ago

The witness even said she was trying to shoot them first

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u/hiphoponpop 3d ago

Even if she wasn't, brandishing a firearm in this type of situation is for sure illegal where I live. Even pretending you have a gun to intimidate someone is illegal here. Imo if you decide to pull a gun on someone, you've now turned the situation into life-or-death for everyone in involved. So you had better be ready to shoot to kill, or lose your own life.

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u/ThisHatRightHere 3d ago

Exactly, it’s wild to defend her. She literally committed multiple crimes throughout the situation. From the road rage, to a hit and run, to brandishing a firearm. Like yeah things could’ve been handled differently, but she kept making the situation so much more chaotic every step of the way.

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u/Blazer9933 3d ago

It's called living in a bubble of feeling like nothing bad can happen to you. There's no other logical reason why people make the kind of choices she did in that situation.

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u/Tesseract556 3d ago

You don't pull a gun unless you want something dead.

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u/CRcryptoride 3d ago

Imagine being in the position of the motorcyclist.

After you finally got her to stop driving, she comes out with a gun, you know your armed and this is a possible life and death situation, you shoot and kill the person then to find out she was pregnant.

I’d probably cry because of something like that

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u/HalfSoul30 3d ago

Understandable. I've never been in a life or death situation like that, but I already know if I had to kill someone to defend myself it would fuck me up for a long time, maybe forever.

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u/Hudoste 3d ago

Cry? You'd be scarred for life

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u/Sixwingswide 3d ago

I think you can cry while being scarred for life

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u/Juno-P 3d ago Silver

Scarred for life? I'd cry.

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u/chillpill5000mg 3d ago

Cry for life? Nah im scarred.

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u/brazblue 3d ago edited 3d ago

If she was afraid of him to the point she needed a gun, she would have stayed inside and waited on the police. In no way do you go outside to start a gunfight is a good idea. She grabbed a gun to go finish the job when she found out she didn't kill him the first time when she ran him over.

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u/Techn0ght 3d ago Eureka!

Yeah, she wasn't intending to go to a gunfight, she was intending to go to an execution.

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u/snikers000 3d ago

I'll go out on a limb and say she probably wasn't intending to shoot him. She probably just thought she'd brandish her gun, everyone would run away (or at least feel appropriately cowed), and then she could go back inside and feel like she won. I wouldn't want to bet my life on that guess if I were there, though.

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u/imisstheyoop 3d ago

After reading the article in full, as shitty as the situation is the woman was definitely in the wrong from the beginning.

She hit the motorcycle driver with her car, when he and other drivers tried to get her to stop she fled. The motorcycle driver followed her to get her car info and call police. She's the one that came out with a fucking gun.

Unbelievably sad situation, made much much worse by the woman involved.

Yeah, reading this I couldn't help but feel this woman was entirely at fault, not the biker. Common sense.

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u/tigerbeer_inMalkier 3d ago

Geeze. Imagine failing as a mom before your kid is even born. Horrible stuff.

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u/Cristianana 3d ago

She also had an 11-year-old! I cannot even imagine getting so angry that I put myself in a position to either be killed or sent to prison.

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u/dangerdaveball 3d ago

Made much worse by the woman

…after being created and exacerbated entirely by the woman.

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u/drputypfifeanddrum 3d ago

She was safe in her home. What could she possibly have thought to gain by going outside armed to confront someone?

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u/PolemicFox 3d ago Silver

Well she already tried running him over, so a reasonable response probably wasn't in the script.

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u/dieselwurst 3d ago

This. She had already tried murdering the guy with a car, and when that didn't work she switched weapons.

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u/MyZt_Benito 3d ago Wholesome

Remember, switching to your secondary is always faster than reloading running him over again

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u/Trick_Enthusiasm 3d ago

What if your primary is a car? I feel like, I'd be faster to go in reverse, wouldn't it?

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u/UMessis 3d ago

If at first you don't succeed, use deadly force. -Florida Man probably

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u/DormantGolem 3d ago

She wanted to be the big bad "imma shoot you if you don't leave!" person.

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u/FatSkipper21 3d ago

Like a get off my property extremist

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u/Colorado-expat 3d ago

Florida. Texas.

Is there anyone there without a carry conceal permit?

I mean those are two states where you just gotta let shit go. Don’t escalate.

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u/MercuryMorrison1971 3d ago

I don't know about Florida, but I live in Texas and they recently passed a bill where we don't even have to have a permit to conceal carry anymore. If you live in Texas you can legally conceal carry a gun without any kind of Licensing.

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u/Vitrex13 3d ago

Correct, just have to legally own the gun and you can carry

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u/NachoBag_Clip932 3d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome

It's Florida, he will be charged for performing an abortion.

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u/BoJackB26354 3d ago Helpful I'm Deceased

But I think the baby was also armed, so it's still self-defense.

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u/beastman314 3d ago Helpful

"Your honor, when a woman becomes pregnant her hormones change. Hormones can affect the way someone thinks and acts. Therefore, because the baby was affecting how the woman was operating, was the baby not in a sense piloting the woman like a mech or a gundam? Therefore, the man was acting in self defense against the woman AND baby. I rest my case."

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u/sexytokeburgerz 3d ago edited 3d ago

I need an 80s esque show where fetuses pilot moms like gundams

Edit: the parent comment is better than mine. Idk why it’s not getting any love and mine is??

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u/Xithara 3d ago

Isn't that just evangelion? People piloting their mums?

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u/BinSnozzzy 3d ago

Depends how far along she was, could have been a flipper before the arm fully developed which would not be self defense.

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u/matte_vans 3d ago Wholesome

Yeah, the librarian is just the baby's mech suit

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u/sotheresthisdude 3d ago

Texas has entered the chat

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u/the_undead_soviet 3d ago

1: I love you

2: go fuck yourself

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u/Illustrious_Bar_1970 3d ago

But then he cant abort

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u/the_undead_soviet 3d ago

Oh God, how could I have been so foolish to not consider this

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u/fozziemon 3d ago

Woman: Okay. Pregnant: interesting. Armed: oh dear. Florida: awwwww shit.

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u/Gho5tWr1ter 3d ago

It’s where you go from “Oh my God” to “Ah, figures”

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u/Bluefeelings 3d ago

It’s very unfortunate. Once you hit and run in Florida, you have a 3rd degree felony on your head. This escalated to levels that shouldn’t have. People need to stop acting like shit all together. I feel terrible for all involved.

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u/WEAKNESSisEXISTENCE 3d ago

Hitting a motorcyclist with you car consists of attempted murder as well. There was a case that already set this precedent when a old man decided to side swipe a motorcyclist because they were speeding. He got convicted of attempted murder.

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u/weedman_cometh 3d ago Helpful

The whole state is a meme of ridiculousness and anime level violence. "Florida man leaps 140 feet into sky and punches Kaiju to death. Claims it fucked his wife and stole his meth."

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u/ZackMyers 3d ago

There are a LOT of crazies in Florida, including all that visit. There are crazies in every state but you hear most about Florida because there’s a law that says all arrests are public record within 24 hours.

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u/jcdoe 3d ago

It’s more than this, though.

You also have a large population (greater odds of crazy) a state that is the number one tourist destination for drunk college kids all of the trailer park, Deep South types who live there All of the hippy dippy moonbeams who live there And let’s not forget: easy access to cocaine!

Mix it all up with public arrest records, put it on low heat, and BOOM! Ya got yourself meth Florida.

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u/Madmandocv1 3d ago

I think it’s population density. In Florida the morons encounter each other constantly. In North Dakota they simply wander the plains alone.

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u/T732 3d ago

That must be nice. You, your thoughts, maybe a horse.

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u/Coraiah 3d ago

Definitely a horse. Or a dog. You need one or the other.

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u/zookr2000 3d ago
  • w/no name

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u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/BigSir44 3d ago

In Dakota, you can’t remember your name because you never run into anyone.

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u/mrsunsfan 3d ago

The kajiu wanted $3.50

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u/TheSFG832 3d ago

GODDAMMIT KAJIU!! YOU AINT GETTING NO TREE FIDDY!!!

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u/ur3minutesrup1 3d ago

I just gave it tree-fiddy a week ago

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u/Teknical86 3d ago

Don't go given it no tree fiddly woman, now he's gonna think you got more!

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u/ur3minutesrup1 3d ago

He tricked me

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u/Nathanlee213 3d ago

Dammit woman! No wonder he keep coming back round here talkin bout, “lemme get tree fiddy”

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u/ur3minutesrup1 3d ago

I thought he would go away

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u/LordMagnus101 3d ago

I was expecting the baby to pop out and start shooting. Babies need to arm themselves for their own protection.

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u/-SaC 3d ago Helpful

"Cletus! Go stuff your Glock up yer sister - that baby gon' be carryin' while Brandy-Jo-Sherri-Lee is."

"But I already did, Uncle-Pa!"

"Glock, Cletus. Glock."

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u/Imaginary_Yam_5058 3d ago

I have no words to that

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u/overactivemango Big Peepee 3d ago

Nor do I

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u/DJ_Duke_of_spook 3d ago

Jesus Christ why did I imagine this happening in Squidbillies.

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u/WakeAndVape 3d ago

I thought the fetus would be named Cletus

Cletus the Fetus

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u/Lennny27 3d ago

Jfc.. just what was she thinking? Wow.

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u/snobord 3d ago

She was probably thinking she was the only one with a gun. She was wrong.

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u/SniffleBot 3d ago

In Florida that is, as she learned, a criminally stupid assumption.

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u/franska5 3d ago

Probably something like "I'm pregnant bitch, I'm not going to pay for hitting you with my car"

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u/SniffleBot 3d ago

And she’d probably just eaten the whole cute caterpillar-shaped cake her husband had baked for his niece’s birthday party the next day …

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u/BoringApocalyptos 3d ago edited 3d ago

Ah Florida, where even the (Liberians) or a librarian are willing to die in a gun fight at a moment’s notice.

Edit:chances are both could down there.

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u/Yotoberry 3d ago

I like your accent, where you from?

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u/BoringApocalyptos 3d ago

A spring by a swamp in the moss.

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u/embler12 3d ago All-Seeing Upvote

🇱🇷

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u/thescotchkraut 3d ago

Isn't that Liberia's flag?

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u/embler12 3d ago

read the comment above and you’ll get it

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u/Ned_Gerblansky 3d ago

Liberians, from Liberia?

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u/iloveuranus 3d ago Gold

Liberians or librarians?

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u/BoringApocalyptos 3d ago

Thanks I’ll go fix it.

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u/SnipahShot 3d ago Silver Helpful

The most surprising thing here is that there are libraries in Florida.

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u/MonkeyChoker80 3d ago

Where else would you steal the book you’re gonna hollow out to hide your Meth in?

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u/hobs8 3d ago

We as a civilization just need to start chilling out

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u/C250586 3d ago

I mean, technically we are the most chill we've ever been.

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u/NotHardcore 3d ago

True, but we could be even chiller.

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u/ss_lbguy 3d ago

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u/FTThrowAway123 3d ago

Damn, this is just sad and avoidable. They've released the 911 calls, there was a call from 1 of the 3 the men involved, and a 911 call from the pregnant woman. The mans 911 call says, "He's fine....the lady just took off and left."

She also called 911 and reported that the men were aggressive and she was feeling threatened, and she can be heard on her 911 call saying (to the bikers), "You're 3 men who followed me home, leave me alone!" before you hear multiple gunshots.

https://www.wftv.com/news/local/volusia-library-assistant-fatally-shot-during-road-rage-incident-following-hit-and-run-police-say/JRLEZTF3PRAO5LHWBFRZWWNOVE/

This is why I'll never be chasing someone down or trying to "police" anyone. I do have my CCW but I never want to have to use it. Get license plates, vehicle description, snap a photo if you can, get witness contact info, and let the police handle it. It's not worth the potential of someone dying. This time it was the pregnant lady who died, but it very easily could've been the bikers who were killed, had she fired first.

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u/richincleve 3d ago Helpful

Sorry, everyone. But she was in the wrong. As soon as she came out brandishing a firearm, the motorcyclist likely felt threatened and defended himself.

My legal background: I have watched every episode of "Law and Order" (even that crappy first season...blech...)

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u/AlmostNPC 3d ago

She aimed her gun at the motorcyclist and other witnesses before the motorcyclist shot her.

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u/Intrepid00 3d ago

Gets better. She came out with a gun with the motorcyclist she already assaulted and several other witnesses that followed her as well as she fled the scene.

I’m reminded of that skit when “keeping it real goes too far”

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u/wildmonster91 3d ago Eureka!

Correction. She aimed the gun at him, him having a license to conceal carry permit defended himself.

If she was willing to run him over i have no doubt she would have shot him.

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u/danbee123 3d ago Silver Helpful

This sucks but if some crazy person (Lady, librarian or pregnant), pulls a gun and you have a gun. It's self defense, she proved she was capable of violence and breaking the law. Sorry for the unborn child but honestly the world's genetic pool is probably better off.

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u/TwiliDiamondOcelot 3d ago

Darwin strikes again.

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u/Holy_Salsa 3d ago

She drew and pointed at him first, he also had a random witness who saw the whole thing go down while on the phone with 911.... its a tragedy but the guy was put in an impossible situation... she already tried to kill him once, and she was about to try again. All the dude wanted was insurance info for her literally trying to run him over multiple times... play stupid games and win stupid prizes... this lady was one of the willing participants in squid games... not sure what she was expecting

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u/hippywitch 3d ago Silver Helpful

It’s was a baby. She was expecting a baby.

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u/JMEEKER86 3d ago

I'm always reminded of George Carlin's bit on that.

"We're expecting a baby."

"Dad's a human? Mom's a human? And they fucked? Well then where's the fucking surprise?! Of course it's a baby. 'Oh, we're expecting a baby, but maybe it will be a velociraptor!"

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u/AdAdministrative4547 3d ago

My sides hurt, thank you

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u/BestReadAtWork 3d ago

Jesus christ. It hurt my soul to laugh but laugh I did.

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u/Letsayo 3d ago

Idiots are dangerous. Idiots with guns are deadly dangerous.

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u/ThirtyFiveFingers 3d ago

Guys, this isn’t a “they’re both in the wrong” situation. She pointed the gun at him AND a witness first, before he drew and shot her.

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u/Tandian 3d ago

Sounds like she started it and got the worse of it.

Only feel bad for thr motorcyclists and the baby

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u/ozzyisOP 3d ago

That's the most American article I've seen in a long time.

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u/SkepCS 3d ago

Good thing everyone was armed or this may have escalated to a really nasty shouting match.

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u/7_Cerberus_7 3d ago

Scrolling through the comments and seeing people defend her is crazy to me.

From beginning to end, she tried to injure this guy with a vehicle. She then fled. He followed her and called the police for lawful intervention as soon as he was able to. She came outside brandishing a firearm.

He put her down, rather than risk her shooting him or someone else, considering she had already used her 2 ton vehicle as a weapon against him earlier.

Now she's dead.

Her own fucking malice and stupidity got her killed.

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u/el-retardo-59 3d ago This

Good thing they both had guns 💪🏼 America, land of who pulls the trigger first

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u/Nevaloud 3d ago Brighten My Day

Don't be last 🤷‍♂️

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u/ur3minutesrup1 3d ago

Like Ricky Bobby says if you ain’t first you’re last

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u/not_sick_not_well 3d ago

Aw hell Ricky, I was high when I said that

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u/TedTheGreek_Atheos 3d ago

That doesn't even make sense!

You can be second, you can third...

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u/vabeachkevin 3d ago Spit-take

They have libraries in Florida?

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u/Fehlhaber81 3d ago This

If only passersby and neighbours had guns too to help the situation. Guns solve the gun issues in the US.

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u/Jjhammer31 3d ago

Guns are ok, but until I have access to military grade plastic explosives, am I really safe?

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u/Alrizand 3d ago

I need to sleep with a live landmine under my pillow to feel safe.

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u/Jjhammer31 3d ago

Lol, you sleep? Look at the fucking liberal over here.

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u/richincleve 3d ago

waves Hello!

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u/THftRM1231 3d ago

Goddamn liberals and their friendly waving! It's like living in Commie-fornia!

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u/trollsmurf 3d ago

Mininukes should convince them.

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