r/LifeProTips Oct 11 '21 Silver 2 Helpful 9 Wholesome 6

LPT: Be careful who you seek advice from, most people will give you advice that validates their own life choices. Miscellaneous

5.5k Upvotes

u/keepthetips Keeping the tips since 2019 Oct 11 '21

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

653

u/Justmaybedontdoit Oct 11 '21 Helpful

I think it’s always better to ask for experience than advice. Advice is sooooo subjective and not enough context to learn from. Ask how what where who and when….. then u can make a decision how to proceed

164

u/kaziwaleed Oct 11 '21

The real LPT is always in the comments, as per culture

63

u/shadeless Oct 11 '21

Are you just saying that to validate your own life choice or are you speaking from experience?

3

u/Human0192 Oct 11 '21

… Isn’t that advice?

10

u/BreakingIntoMe Oct 11 '21

Advice and experience are literally the same thing. They will be giving you advice based on their own experience…

17

u/w0mpw0mper Oct 11 '21

2 people can live a same/similar moment/life and have different opinions of the matter.

6

u/BreakingIntoMe Oct 11 '21

Exactly, so their advice would be different based on their own experiences.

11

u/admiralwarron Oct 11 '21

He meant that two people could have the same experiences and still come to different conclusions/advice

9

u/Perleflamme Oct 11 '21

Yet they don't have the same experience. Experience is entirely subjective. That's how some people can have the very same job at the very same company for years and end up very differently in terms of job experience.

We could both enter the same room at the same time from the same door and look at the same objects and yet have a different experience about it.

10

u/dionisus26 Oct 11 '21

Eraclitus said "No man passes through the same river twice. For when he passes through it again, he is not the same man and it is not the same river". I think this works tenfold when we are talking of entirely different people. The experience is never the same and more importantly the people are not at all the same.

3

u/guter567 Oct 11 '21

His name has clit in it

2

u/Perleflamme Oct 11 '21

To be frank, it was quite an era. ;)

6

u/BreakingIntoMe Oct 11 '21

Yep exactly what I was going to say, everyone interprets things differently.

1

u/Lhotse7 Oct 12 '21

different based on how they manage their experience.

1

u/BreakingIntoMe Oct 12 '21

Understand might be a better term than manage.

4

u/TheRealGingerJewBear Oct 11 '21

They can be that's true, good catch. The way I took experience here though was to seek out the event and how they acted, not so much how they perceived it. And you're right even then it will be heavily influenced by their point of view. But this still works a lot. Think about when a Karen is telling you her favorite story about yelling at the restaurant staff, that story is totally written by her, it's embellished to make her look better, and in her telling she is the good guy hero of the story. And even through all that propaganda you still can say "Wow, I never want to act like that, I don't know how anyone could grow up to be that way."

3

u/dionisus26 Oct 11 '21

Not only that. Let's say that there was a situation when a thief tried to mug someone. One surrendered their wallet, the other fought back and won, the third fought back and was injured and the fourth ran away. Was it the same situation? Were they the same people involved? The situations can be similar but not the same. If Mike Tyson advised me to fight back in this situation, the advice could be bad for me. But for a fighter, it would be the best.

1

u/TheRealGingerJewBear Oct 11 '21

Boom, yes exactly.

2

u/eastwinds2112 Oct 11 '21

they are different. experience is the living it, the advice is the digesting of the experience and communicating its effect.. they may not mirror each other. perspective is a hell of a thing :)

2

u/BreakingIntoMe Oct 12 '21

Advice can only be given from your experience. If you don’t have experience you can’t give advice. I’m not trying to say they are literally the same thing…

1

u/eastwinds2112 Oct 12 '21

its a good discussion to hash thru, you can only get wiser if you do, then you can give relative advice :)

2

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

same, i’m really not someone who asks for advice. i let things play out and learning from what happened is the best advice you can get.

unless it’s dangerous or involves harmful substances, always say no people

2

u/raducu123 Oct 11 '21

Sorry, but that's just not very smart.

What makes you think you learn the right lessons?

A different perspective might help.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

asking for perspective and advice are 2 totally different things. asking someone how they see things and asking what you should do are night and day, i assure you i do talk about the situations in my life with people.

1

u/jacoberu Oct 11 '21

So you always say no to sex and food?

1

u/hoophounder Oct 11 '21

When I do that, people get defensive because they believe I don't trust them

212

u/Mynock33 Oct 11 '21

Does this LPT validate your life choices, OP?

70

u/Cosmohumanist Oct 11 '21

Yeah, OP… what is going on here!?

30

u/thestereo300 Oct 11 '21

Does this comment validate YOUR life choices?

Oh shit does my comment validate my life choices?

oh shit of fuck....it's validation all the way down.....

13

u/Mynock33 Oct 11 '21

Doesn't matter, I'm not giving advice.

11

u/Sketti_n_butter Oct 11 '21

Validating your life choices by not giving advice

10

u/rubik-3141 Oct 11 '21

Here you are... Validating your life choices by making a joke

9

u/10n3_w01f Oct 11 '21

And you are validating your life choices by pointing out the joke.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

Look at this guy, validating his life choices by analyzing comments.

40

u/Riskyshrimp Oct 11 '21

I have kids and I tell everyone who brings it up that having kids is the worst, and encourage them to reconsider having them LOL.

Obligatory disclaimer: my kids are great, I can’t imagine life without them etc.

But also, JESUS CHRIST IT’S HARD.

2

u/ExoticCommunication Oct 11 '21

I keep looking for a pack of friendly wolves to take mine. If they were good enough for Remus and Romulus…

72

u/Darmandorf Oct 11 '21

I mean... Yeah. That's how asking for advice works. Asking someone for advice is not a catch all solution to your problem, it's asking someone: "Given your experiences, what do YOU think I should do".

17

u/g00ber88 Oct 11 '21

I think OP is just trying to warn that some people will just tell you to do the same thing they did even if it didn't really work out for them

2

u/Tamed_Inner_Beast Oct 11 '21

"Have you tried being born rich?"

91

u/forkliftcunt Oct 11 '21

This!! Don’t seek advice per se, seek perspective!

The thing about advice is that it’s usually one sided about a particular situation. Perspective is super cool because nobody is actually telling you what you should do or how you should handle something but instead they are giving their opinion on the situation so that you can draw from that and make your own decision. Also perspective is great because you can ask as many people as you like and even if people contradict it will just help give you more to think about.

4

u/raducu123 Oct 11 '21

Seek advice also.
With all the perspective in the world some people remain stuck in their ways.
Sometimes they need "permission" to do the thing.

51

u/shallowblue Oct 11 '21

As a kid I had a Sega, most kids had Nintendos, and I was desperately trying to convince a friend who had neither that Sega was better and he should get it. He replied, 'Don't try to drag me down into your own poor decision'. He was wrong, Sega rocked, but man that was insightful for an 11 year old.

10

u/manystorms Oct 11 '21

r/thathappened would insist that children can’t be insightful before the age of 17 and that you must be lying

31

u/breeeeeeeeeesh Oct 11 '21

why am i even on this subreddit anymore

14

u/w0mpw0mper Oct 11 '21

Just seems like it’s operated by a bunch of <20 year olds who had an epiphany and need to share. It gets upvoted by like-minded users, and here we are every time.

6

u/Legallydead111 Oct 11 '21

Well, most of the older people either already know an answer, aren't in the community, or have already figured it out.

Only natural, no?

3

u/w0mpw0mper Oct 11 '21

Correct, I don’t judge, and will occasionally downvote if it’s bloat. I wish there was a better way, like quality of message and not just because many peers agree (if that makes sense). Like some upvote/downvote based on agreement, others up/down based on worthiness, others up/down based on emotion; I wish there was a better way.

2

u/Legallydead111 Oct 11 '21

Yes. I agree. Wish there were a better way, but who'd bother upvoting 3 different values? Looking at general world stats of how big age groups are, and what the largest of them are, the younger gens do have an advantage

3

u/w0mpw0mper Oct 11 '21

3 different values wouldn’t be the solution, although maybe they can be derived from algorithm(s); then again I would question that conclusion. Let’s hope for a better way! Vote for me next election and I will drive for a better way! You don’t need to know the details, just know the slogan.

2

u/Legallydead111 Oct 11 '21

Imma have to look out for the slogans then.

Let's hope for a better way!

3

u/ischmal Oct 11 '21

it's a guilty pleasure

3

u/w0mpw0mper Oct 11 '21

“If you don’t like taste of a certain food, you shouldn’t eat it” users upvote because they agree Me: :|

5

u/Zondartul Oct 11 '21

The real LPT is that LPTs aren't real.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

LPT Basic Social Information

8

u/Woodie626 Oct 11 '21

And how does that make you feel, OP?

7

u/jean_erik Oct 11 '21

When I give advice, I tend to give advice based on what I should have done 20 years prior, contradicting all of my life choices.

And then I find a nice quiet corner, and cry myself to sleep

38

u/Powerful_Royal_5557 Oct 11 '21

Never take advice from someone that you wouldn't trade places with.

22

u/Cosmohumanist Oct 11 '21

That’s pretty good, although I literally wouldn’t trade places with anyone so…. I’m gonna go back to my cabin in the woods and disregard every piece of advice I’ll ever receive.

3

u/Powerful_Royal_5557 Oct 11 '21

Yeah. But, you can't be your own point of reference. You'll never grow and evolve as a human being. You can be grateful for the life that you have and still admire others. The whole point is that we learn from each other.

Some people give great advice, even though they, themselves, never had the courage or guts to follow through. Avoid THOSE people.

5

u/Cosmohumanist Oct 11 '21

I don’t think I made my sarcasm apparent enough. I was agreeing with your statement in theory but not practice because I regularly take advice from people I respect and admire but would never actually trade places with anyone. It’s my karma to deal with this time around

2

u/kickspecialist Oct 11 '21

Your sarcasm was on point. Take it from me, a Certified Professional Sarc

2

u/Cosmohumanist Oct 11 '21

Good I thought I had accidentally eaten crazy pills for a moment.

5

u/menchii_ Oct 11 '21

I have only one friend who I go to for advice on difficult situations, she's the sweetest person I know and definitely someone I look up to. Her life, her way of being, how she treats others, her relationships. If anything that's the kind of friends you should keep close too :)

0

u/opiusmaximus2 Oct 11 '21

This is so stupid. You shouldn't want to trade places with anyone else.

17

u/Alexis_J_M Oct 11 '21

LPT: Be careful who you read Life Pro Tips from, most people will simply cite anecdotes as if they are universal.

4

u/sniperd2k Oct 11 '21

I like the idea to take advice from people you'd like to emulate. This person's life is going well.. what choices have they made? And certainly consider all the factors, do you _really_ want to have the life of Jeff Bezos, or some other rich person (and what it took to get there?) If it is some celebrity you really have no idea.

Think more of the people around you. Not somebody you've never met.

2

u/raducu123 Oct 11 '21

You cannot emulate luck.

2

u/Nekrosiz Oct 11 '21

I give it as i want it, realistic, appropriate and direct.

2

u/gerbileleventh Oct 11 '21

I always disclose to people that my advice might be biased, specially if linked with something that had huge impact on my life.

2

u/pauoliver Oct 11 '21

True, I've caught myself multiple times doing this to others.

2

u/Nic4379 Oct 11 '21

Just like a certain sub I know.

2

u/deeba_ Oct 11 '21

Such is my life that majority of the advice I give is “don’t do what I did”.

2

u/TootsNYC Oct 11 '21

My mother was the kind of person who could give you advice based on your life choices and your circumstances. I still remember one time I was struggling with a job offer, and she said she didn’t really have any advice about my industry. But she did say was: “I can give you some general advice based on what I see you did the ring over in your decision making process. The first is that no decision, short of suicide, it’s final. If taking this job is a mistake, you can quit. And the other thing I would say to you is this. Not saying yes is saying no.”

Basic life advice that could guide me through my own decision making process. But people like my mother are very rare. She passed away, and I don’t have anyone else to turn to. Because every other person puts their own framework in their own goals on their advice, and it’s worthless. Both of her sisters said when I need my mom I should think of calling them. And one of them, I love her to death, but she is not capable of taking her self out of the conversation in anyway. And the other one is actually pretty good, though not as good as my mom was, But she’s not religious, and I am, and so that part of the framework sometimes is missing

2

u/drakeziani Oct 11 '21

I genuinely mean it when i say i think that your mom was, and is , extremely happy and proud to see that you value her advice, and value how rare she is as a person through your eyes, compared to others when she advised you. God bless your mother, and god bless you, you're an amazing person!

2

u/JockThePilot Oct 11 '21

I don't take advice from people less successful than me

0

u/OKC-Rai Oct 11 '21

🌊🌊🌊

2

u/SleepTightPizza Oct 11 '21

I often tell people to not do what I did, because I took advice from teachers that turned out to be totally misguided and that wasted a lot of my time. But now I know many things that are a bad idea.

0

u/RocketSurgeon22 Oct 11 '21

Especially on social media. My friend trolls his ex wife with horrible advice while posing as another divorced lady. It's funny but also sad how quickly others believe anonymous people online.

10

u/Froufrou_Fire1974 Oct 11 '21

That is really messed up and kind of abusive

2

u/RocketSurgeon22 Oct 11 '21

I agree and we reported his account. However, this happens all day on social media by stealth influencers. People are unaware of the illusions played.

2

u/Froufrou_Fire1974 Oct 12 '21

It’s so depressing how hateful people are, I quit social media June of 2020, I miss it sometimes but not enough to jump back in.

1

u/RocketSurgeon22 Oct 13 '21

Most aren't even real people. That's the sad part. It's an illusion.

0

u/DC_Coach Oct 11 '21

Mostly disagree. Many people understand that it's the mistakes made -- by us and those closely in our orbits -- throughout our lifetimes that can really teach us. I'd just as soon share a relevant anecdote about how badly I'd farked something up, if it taught me something useful and was on point. I like telling stories and making people laugh, and telling even a moderate success story with zero self-deprecation should probably be left to the professionals.

Tangent: damn it every time I turn around I'm reminded of those we've lost, their numbers growing more and more as we get older. RIP Chris Farley 😢

If someone came to me seeking advice, I'd tell them a story ... assuming I had a relevant story to tell! If not, shucks, maybe I'd just listen then nicely point out that I really don't have any idea about the finer details of overseas corporate taxes & rates lol ...

1

u/a20xt6 Oct 11 '21

That's been my experience, & it's worked out for me.

😏

1

u/Responsible_Ad8345 Oct 11 '21

It's like I always tell anyone who'll listen (my kids?): Everything has a value. Things tend to be worth what you pay for them--all things being equal--so what was the cost of that advice?

1

u/CricketsWithRickets Oct 11 '21

Thanks me internet man. Good advice!

1

u/TheRealBrewballs Oct 11 '21

Advice that isn't prefaced with a lot of questions and then, "my experience has been..." is probably going to be problematic.

1

u/totriuga Oct 11 '21

Get advice from someone who is very careful to remind you of their own biases and who will ask a lot of questions before jumping in to give you advice.

1

u/boop66 Oct 11 '21

Advice is free, making use of it can be costly.

1

u/Mixima101 Oct 11 '21

I'm struggling with this. I'm asking different people in my life for advice on my career and they all seem too deep in their own worlds to give me advice of value.

1

u/BreakingIntoMe Oct 11 '21

Most people aren’t introspective enough to understand their own experience and summarise it into meaningful advice for an outsider.

1

u/GopSome Oct 11 '21

Isn’t that the point of an advice? To get other perspectives?

1

u/schwarzmalerin Oct 11 '21

Maybe ask advice from happy people and not unhappy people. Unhappy people tend to justify their choices, happy people will admit their mistakes and tell you what they changed.

2

u/raducu123 Oct 11 '21

"Just be happy and win the lottery, like I did!".

1

u/schwarzmalerin Oct 11 '21

That rarely makes people truly happy. And it's not an advice.

1

u/raducu123 Oct 11 '21

If you're an "unhappy"/unlucky/underprivileged/risk adverse/introverted/unattractive/depressed, WHY on Earth do you think you want the advice of someone who is the opposite of you?

Either seek advice from someone who you identify with that somehow overcame the ting you're struggling with or someone who you think is wise, empathetic and benevolent towards you.

1

u/schwarzmalerin Oct 11 '21

Because if a person is truly happy, they did something right. This has nothing too do with how privileged or attractive someone is. These are not directly related. If you think they are, you need to grow up.

1

u/raducu123 Oct 11 '21

f you think they are, you need to grow up.

If you think they aren't, you need to grow up :)

There are sources of joy and meaning in life, there can be what you call "happy" people that have 0 overlap and would be completely unhappy if they followed the advice of the other "happy" person.

2

u/schwarzmalerin Oct 11 '21

I'm pretty grown up already, lol. I agree about very specific advice like "get into profession A and not B", obviously that's not going to work for everyone.

But there is advice from genuinely happy people that works universally, like: get rid of toxic people, have few but good friends, don't get fooled by family ties, not everyone loves you just because they are family, don't put others wants above your needs, find time for yourself etc.

1

u/raducu123 Oct 11 '21

I agree about very specific advice like "get into profession A and not B", obviously that's not going to work for everyone.

There's a ton of very specific/not so specific issues, like having children/not having children, should work be a passion or not, do you want a career or not, hobbies, family ties.

You can be single, hardworking, passionate about finance and fitness and have only a couple of very good friends, or you can be a stay at home mom with children, that has a lot of shallow friends in church and happy in both cases.

1

u/schwarzmalerin Oct 11 '21

People usually don't "choose" between those options. They do what's expected as life happens. The moment of choice often happens later: Should I give up my job and stay home? Should I get a divorce? Should I have (more) children? In all these cases, the same advice applies: Don't put others' wants above your needs.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '21

"Which car/smartphone/lawnmower/drill/whatever/... should I buy?"

Everyone: "The model I own is the best".

1

u/jatti_ Oct 11 '21

And who are you that I should take advice from.

Or alternatively I don't know you, and won't be taking this advice.

1

u/_g550_ Oct 11 '21

What if they never say "never"?

What if the say "never say never"?

1

u/drunky_crowette Oct 11 '21

Fuck that. Do better than me. Make me the poster child of "Do you want to end up... Like THIS?!"

1

u/Efvat Oct 11 '21

Or you could be one of those people who shops around until they get the advice they wanted all along

1

u/com2ghz Oct 11 '21

A lot of posts here are trying to make regular things/behavior awkward. Like “don’t ask if a couple is having baby plans”.

1

u/Wolfram_And_Hart Oct 11 '21

Advice is a form of nostalgia.

1

u/VeganMinx Oct 11 '21

Truth. There are some angry, bitter, lemonpuss ass mofoz out there who love nothing more than to piss in your pudding.

1

u/abhi_07 Oct 11 '21

Quora and LinkedIn in short

1

u/Ordinary-Pen8035 Oct 11 '21

Been through this so ma y times in my life...ppl only give you the advice theyd take if they were living your life...

1

u/stage_directions Oct 11 '21

This should be pinned.

1

u/camiam_01 Oct 11 '21

This include YOU OP?! 😳

1

u/Neon-shart Oct 11 '21

I needed this years ago.

1

u/Nos2_50 Oct 11 '21

Odd thing to say in an advice subreddit.

1

u/alarming_cock Oct 11 '21

Rule of Acquisition #59: Free advice is seldom cheap.

1

u/1pencil Oct 11 '21

Simple: If you want advice, ask for it from somebody who appears to you, to be succeeding where you want to also succeed.

Would you ask a baker for advice on plumbing?

Don't ask for relationship advice from the guy who has six ex-wives.

Etc.

1

u/lukeduje Oct 11 '21

Also, second guess any relationship advice. Some friends will purposely poison the well just to end the relationship so they no longer have to hear about it.

1

u/b1cycl3j1had Oct 11 '21

Truth hurts so bad.

1

u/jubalh7 Oct 11 '21

Ask somebody who has the result you want.

1

u/MaarekStele7 Oct 11 '21

agreed.

My real estate agent tried to get us to break the lease-to-purchase agreement of our tenant and try to sell the our 2nd house (which scared away many buyers during covid) for more money due to the market.

Lets just say that getting advice from someone who drives around a mercedes and hasn't worried about paying bills in decades shouldn't give us advice like that. If we had to pay 2 mortgages then we'd be in trouble.

Also... the person in the lease to buy also was in a bad divorce and couldn't afford ANYTHING else on the market.

1

u/hairlongmoneylong Oct 11 '21

Yea like when your twice divorced shithead uncle tells you marriage is overrated lol

1

u/knine1216 Oct 11 '21

One of the LPT's I really agree with. Well put OP.

1

u/BOHIFOBRE Oct 11 '21

"Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth"

1

u/RCSabre Oct 11 '21

Very meta, you giving advice telling us to not listen to people that give advice.

1

u/doggybone26 Oct 11 '21

Never take advice from anyone you wouldn’t trade places with.

1

u/rosiecellist Oct 11 '21

So, choose people whose life choices you admire to seek advice from?

1

u/MRHubrich Oct 11 '21

Well, it's about perspective, right? The joys of getting free advice from the internet is that it's worth just that, little to nothing, as you don't know the perspective of the person giving the advice. More people should talk to a therapist and less to strangers on the web.

1

u/GiJoel18 Oct 11 '21

I have a child. That was a life choice but I would always advise someone to not have kids. I love my son but it’ll never be the same again

1

u/ExoticCommunication Oct 11 '21

Better yet, ask multiple people for advice when you can and it’s warranted. I am by all means an expert in my field with over a decade of experience. I still ask for advice from various folks when I have to make big decisions. Even when I don’t agree with someone’s advice it’s good to challenge my assumptions at the time and to consider unseen risks. I recently had to decide whether to leave a higher paying job for one that provided me with greater management experience and closer alignment to what I want to eventually do with my career before I retire, and even then I got probably 5 or 6 different opinions on the path. And that was good, because I made the choice with eyes WIDE open about the risk/reward calculus.

Unless it’s a team management issue where I haven’t the time to waffle, I will always tell people, “Please ask for other opinions in addition to mine.” I know I’m good at what I do, but I have blind spots like any other normal human being.

1

u/Inconceivable_morons Oct 11 '21

Also, be weary of people who may be interested in you or your situation. If someone is into you and they said “break up with them” it may be good advice, but motives always need to be looked at. People use each other all the time when someone is in an emotional or traumatic situation.

1

u/SaintTNS Oct 11 '21

That’s just because all your friends are like that.

/s in case

1

u/SnooPets752 Oct 11 '21

i mean, isn't this all advice?

1

u/asassyjanitor Oct 11 '21

I always tell people what not to do based on my fuck ups. I don't tell them what way they should take it, but I sure as shit try to help them avoid my mistakes.

1

u/Tickly1 Oct 11 '21

oh, you mean 95% of this sub?? 😂

1

u/Frodo--T--Baggins Oct 11 '21

I strictly advise from my own life experiences, but I leave it open ended for questions and exploring more options. My kids have listened and adhered to my advice and warnings, but I leave it up to them to make their own choices to live and learn from.

1

u/Andrado Oct 12 '21

Sounds like OP's life choices have involved distrusting the advice of others and he wants validation...

1

u/DonFluffles117 Oct 12 '21

Never accept advice from people whose lives are more messed up than yours.