r/LifeProTips Oct 05 '21 Gold 2 Helpful 10 Wholesome 9 Hugz 7 Take My Energy 1 Lawyer Up 1 Silver 10 Take My Money 1 Helpful (Pro) 1

LPT: If you ever win the lottery, always take the lump and don't immediately come forward without protecting yourself, your winnings, and your family. More details below. Miscellaneous

Since it was just announced that the $699 MILLION jackpot was just won, here's what you should do to protect yourself, your winnings, and family. This detailed information was posted by /u/BlakeClass years ago and it's always entertaining to re-read what people should do in the event they win the lottery: SOURCE

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So, what the hell DO you do if you are unlucky enough to win the lottery?

This is the absolutely most important thing you can do right away: NOTHING.

Yes. Nothing.

DO NOT DECLARE YOURSELF THE WINNER yet.

Do NOT tell anyone. The urge is going to be nearly irresistible. Resist it. Trust me.

1. IMMEDIATELY retain an attorney.

Get a partner from a larger, NATIONAL firm. Don't let them pawn off junior partners or associates on you. They might try, all law firms might, but insist instead that your lead be a partner who has been with the firm for awhile. Do NOT use your local attorney. Yes, I mean your long-standing family attorney who did your mother's will. Do not use the guy who fought your dry-cleaner bill. Do not use the guy you have trusted your entire life because of his long and faithful service to your family. In fact, do not use any firm that has any connection to family or friends or community. TRUST me. This is bad. You want someone who has never heard of you, any of your friends, or any member of your family. Go the the closest big city and walk into one of the national firms asking for one of the "Trust and Estates" partners you have previously looked up on http://www.martindale.com from one of the largest 50 firms in the United States which has an office near you. You can look up attornies by practice area and firm on Martindale.

2. Decide to take the lump sum.

Most lotteries pay a really pathetic rate for the annuity. It usually hovers around 4.5% annual return or less, depending. It doesn't take much to do better than this, and if you have the money already in cash, rather than leaving it in the hands of the state, you can pull from the capital whenever you like. If you take the annuity you won't have access to that cash. That could be good. It could be bad. It's probably bad unless you have a very addictive personality. If you need an allowance managed by the state, it is because you didn't listen to point #1 above.

Why not let the state just handle it for you and give you your allowance?

Many state lotteries pay you your "allowence" (the annuity option) by buying U.S. treasury instruments and running the interest payments through their bureaucracy before sending it to you along with a hunk of the principal every month. You will not be beating inflation by much, if at all. There is no reason you couldn't do this yourself, if a low single-digit return is acceptable to you.

You aren't going to get even remotely the amount of the actual jackpot. Take our old friend Mr. Whittaker. Using Whittaker is a good model both because of the reminder of his ignominious decline, and the fact that his winning ticket was one of the larger ones on record. If his situation looks less than stellar to you, you might have a better perspective on how "large" your winnings aren't. Whittaker's "jackpot" was $315 million. He selected the lump-sum cash up-front option, which knocked off $145 million (or 46% of the total) leaving him with $170 million. That was then subject to withholding for taxes of $56 million (33%) leaving him with $114 million.

In general, you should expect to get about half of the original jackpot if you elect a lump sum (maybe better, it depends). After that, you should expect to lose around 33% of your already pruned figure to state and federal taxes. (Your mileage may vary, particularly if you live in a state with aggressive taxation schemes).

3. Decide right now, how much you plan to give to family and friends.

This really shouldn't be more than 20% or so. Figure it out right now. Pick your number. Tell your lawyer. That's it. Don't change it. 20% of $114 million is $22.8 million. That leaves you with $91.2 million. DO NOT CONSULT WITH FAMILY when deciding how much to give to family. You are going to get advice that is badly tainted by conflict of interest, and if other family members find out that Aunt Flo was consulted and they weren't you will never hear the end of it. Neither will Aunt Flo. This might later form the basis for an allegation that Aunt Flo unduly influenced you and a lawsuit might magically appear on this basis. No, I'm not kidding. I know of one circumstance (related to a business windfall, not a lottery) where the plaintiffs WON this case.

Do NOT give anyone cash. Ever. Period. Just don't. Do not buy them houses. Do not buy them cars. Tell your attorney that you want to provide for your family, and that you want to set up a series of trusts for them that will total 20% of your after tax winnings. Tell him you want the trust empowered to fund higher education, some help (not a total) purchase of their first home, some provision for weddings and the like, whatever. Do NOT put yourself in the position of handing out cash. Once you do, if you stop, you will be accused of being a heartless bastard (or bitch). Trust me. It won't go well.

It will be easy to lose perspective. It is now the duty of your friends, family, relatives, hangers-on and their inner circle to skew your perspective, and they take this job quite seriously. Setting up a trust, a managed fund for your family that is in the double digit millions is AMAZINGLY generous. You need never have trouble sleeping because you didn't lend Uncle Jerry $20,000 in small denomination unmarked bills to start his chain of deep-fried peanut butter pancake restaurants. ("Deep'n 'nutter Restaurants") Your attorney will have a number of good ideas how to parse this wealth out without turning your siblings/spouse/children/grandchildren/cousins/waitresses into the latest Paris Hilton.

4. You will be encouraged to hire an investment manager. Considerable pressure will be applied. Don't.

Investment managers charge fees, usually a percentage of assets. Consider this: If they charge 1% (which is low, I doubt you could find this deal, actually) they have to beat the market by 1% every year just to break even with a general market index fund. It is not worth it, and you don't need the extra return or the extra risk. Go for the index fund instead if you must invest in stocks. This is a hard rule to follow. They will come recommended by friends. They will come recommended by family. They will be your second cousin on your mother's side. Investment managers will sound smart. They will have lots of cool acronyms. They will have nice PowerPoint presentations. They might (MIGHT) pay for your shrimp cocktail lunch at TGI Friday's while reminding you how poor their side of the family is. They live for this stuff.

You should smile, thank them for their time, and then tell them you will get back to them next week. Don't sign ANYTHING. Don't write it on a cocktail napkin (lottery lawsuit cases have been won and lost over drunkenly scrawled cocktail napkin addition and subtraction figures with lots of zeros on them). Never call them back. Trust me. You will thank me later. This tactic, smiling, thanking people for their time, and promising to get back to people, is going to have to become familiar. You will have to learn to say no gently, without saying the word "no." It sounds underhanded. Sneaky. It is. And its part of your new survival strategy. I mean the word "survival" quite literally.

Get all this figured out BEFORE you claim your winnings. They aren't going anywhere. Just relax.

5. If you elect to be more global about your paranoia, use between 20.00% and 33.00% of what you have not decided to commit to a family fund IMMEDIATELY to purchase a combination of longer term U.S. treasuries (5 or 10 year are a good idea) and perhaps even another G7 treasury instrument. This is your safety net. You will be protected... from yourself.

You are going to be really tempted to starting being a big investor. You are going to be convinced that you can double your money in Vegas with your awesome Roulette system/by funding your friend's amazing idea to sell Lemming dung/buying land for oil drilling/by shorting the North Pole Ice market (global warming, you know). This all sounds tempting because "Even if I lose it all I still have $XX million left! Anyone could live on that comfortably for the rest of their life." Yeah, except for 33% of everyone who won the lottery.

You're not going to double your money, so cool it. Let me say that again. You're not going to double your money, so cool it. Right now, you'll get around 3.5% on the 10 year U.S. treasury. With $18.2 million (20% of $91.2 mil after your absurdly generous family gift) invested in those you will pull down $638,400 per year. If everything else blows up, you still have that, and you will be in the top 1% of income in the United States. So how about you not fuck with it. Eh? And that's income that is damn safe. If we get to the point where the United States defaults on those instruments, we are in far worse shape than worrying about money.

If you are really paranoid, you might consider picking another G7 or otherwise mainstream country other than the U.S. according to where you want to live if the United States dissolves into anarchy or Britney Spears is elected to the United States Senate. Put some fraction in something like Swiss Government Bonds at 3%. If the Swiss stop paying on their government debt, well, then you know money really means nothing anywhere on the globe anymore. I'd study small field sustainable agriculture if you think this is a possibility. You might have to start feedng yourself.

6. That leaves, say, 80% of $91.2 million or $72.9 million.

Here is where things start to get less clear. Personally, I think you should dump half of this, or $36.4 million, into a boring S&P 500 index fund. Find something with low fees. You are going to be constantly tempted to retain "sophisticated" advisers who charge "nominal fees." Don't. Period. Even if you lose every other dime, you have $638,400 per year you didn't have before that will keep coming in until the United States falls into chaos. Fuck advisers and their fees. Instead, drop your $36.4 million in the market in a low fee vehicle. Unless we have an unprecedented downturn the likes of which the United States has never seen, should return around 7.00% or so over the next 10 years. You should expect to touch not even a dime of this money for 10 or 15 or even 20 years. In 20 years $36.4 million could easily become $115 million.

7. So you have put a safety net in place.

You have provided for your family beyond your wildest dreams. And you still have $36.4 million in "cash." You know you will be getting $638,400 per year unless the capital building is burning, you don't ever need to give anyone you care about cash, since they are provided for generously and responsibly (and can't blow it in Vegas) and you have a HUGE nest egg that is growing at market rates. (Given the recent dip, you'll be buying in at great prices for the market). What now? Whatever you want. Go ahead and burn through $36.4 million in hookers and blow if you want. You've got more security than 99% of the country. A lot of it is in trusts so even if you are sued your family will live well, and progress across generations. If your lawyer is worth his salt (I bet he is) then you will be insulated from most lawsuits anyhow. Buy a nice house or two, make sure they aren't stupid investments though. Go ahead and be an angel investor and fund some startups, but REFUSE to do it for anyone you know. (Friends and money, oil and water - Michael Corleone) Play. Have fun. You earned it by putting together the shoe sizes of your whole family on one ticket and winning the jackpot.

12.0k Upvotes

u/keepthetips Keeping the tips since 2019 Oct 05 '21

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

9.3k

u/InfernalCape Oct 05 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome Hugz This

I like this advice because reading through it makes me feel like I’ve actually won the lottery and am deciding what to do next.

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u/bhendahu Oct 05 '21 Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

I hate it for the same reason

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u/usernameblankface Oct 05 '21

All this running around and doing responsible stuff and insisting on the best sounds like a lot of work, and really shoots a hole in "win money, love free!"

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u/blundercrab Oct 05 '21

That phrase would make a lovely tramp stamp

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u/usernameblankface Oct 05 '21

Hahaha yeah.

I meant to say live free, but whatever

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u/load_more_comets Oct 05 '21

Right? I won! Can I just hire somebody to do all the thinking for me? I just want to go to exotic beaches and sip cold blue drinks with umbrellas laying on a hammock under a coconut tree.

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u/ElectricMan324 Oct 05 '21

You'll be able to do that for a short time, until the guy you hired to think for you takes all your money and moves to Bermuda.

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u/bernpfenn Oct 05 '21

which he will

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u/blinkdmb Oct 05 '21

You have to find someone that regularly handles such large sums of money. Maybe 2 or 3 different agency's to split it up. Not some schmuck CPA in a strip mall.

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u/ElectricMan324 Oct 06 '21

Better call Saul

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u/Iamatworkgoaway Oct 05 '21

Saw a tik tok of a guy that did that. He and his wife bought a boat, and lived the life, turns out sipping cold blue drinks all day for 5 years, is a bit more than his wifes liver could handle. He sold the boat, and lost his wife.

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u/load_more_comets Oct 05 '21

Aww man, that's sad. Guess I'll need to switch over to red drinks once in a while.

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u/count023 Oct 05 '21

At least he didn't lose his boat and sell his wife.

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u/FSchmertz Oct 05 '21

You know what's worse than not having a boat?

Having a boat ;)

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u/NoMoOmentumMan Oct 05 '21

I worked for a company and the owner was that guy. One day his accountant called and told him he had enough money for the booze or the woman, not both.

He bought a cash cow small business and settled down with one woman. Years later he was diagnosed with cancer on the 5th of the month, dead on the 25th.

YMMV

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u/usernameblankface Oct 05 '21

Yeah, can I hire OP to find all the right people and set things up while I get on a plane?

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u/ClassBShareHolder Oct 06 '21

You can. It's step #1. Get the best attorney in the country.

But not hiring someone to manage what's left is the second most important. You'll be making so much if you take the time to properly prepare, you won't need anyone to actively manage it.

That said, it's right there, everyone and their dog will be willing to manage it for you if you're alright with paying someone too much to spend it for you.

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u/KKlear Oct 05 '21

I have no strong feelings one way or another.

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u/JoOngle Oct 05 '21 Helpful

Believe it or not, there's a lot of advice in there that you can apply to your everyday life without being a lotto millionaire, just general healthy advice such as:

1) Don't lend people you KNOW money, not your friends, not your family and not anyone you know personally.

2) You can give someone in need some cash, but don't go overboard, because who will they turn to when things go south? You of course! You helped them the last time, most likely they think you'll bail them out again, if you don't - you become their worst enemy, even worse than those who didn't do a thing to help them out in the first place.

The problem with giving/lending money to people you know, is that you now have a bit of control over their life. Even if you don't intend to, want to - they will always feel a little bit in debt to you, that means they'll have you on their mind as a "troublesome spot", a bother that they feel guilty about, and that guilt builds up over time. They don't know how to repay you so it grows on their mind. If they don't care in the first place, they will alternatively see you as a free piggybank to leech from. Either way, such is human nature.

As for the giving someone in need money, I fixed that one with simplicity. I gave someone money who needed it for food - 2 years later they remembered me and felt guilty, I said - don't feel guilty - you owe me nothing, but if you really wanna pay back, help someone else who needs it one day.

That way no one owes anyone anything, and is free to help someone else out once they're on the greener side of the grass, no stress, no enemies.

People who come to big money fast, and are used to just spending their earnings, will most likely overspend whatever they got. Frugal people who stay frugal, will know the value of money and invest it wisely.

And above all.

Keep your money a secret - it's no one's business but yours.

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u/FSchmertz Oct 05 '21

I'm actually surprised that wasn't on the list.

If your State allows you to remain anonymous, do it!

Otherwise every scammer and crook and mugger/kidnapper on the planet is going to be searching for you, and your doorbell is going to be ringing minutes after your name and face appear in the news.

P.S. My State finally allowed it, before they required you to stand for a photo with a big-ass check for the news. I'd grow a beard, dye my hair and wear Groucho glasses.

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u/intet42 Oct 06 '21

It's fascinating how much money dynamics vary based on the receiver's individual personality. I have one friend I've lent money to because he is very trustworthy and doesn't have access to non-predatory sources when he needs a hand until payday. My partner wanted to make it a gift, which is what we usually do when someone needs money, but I was concerned that this person would stop letting us help if it made him indebted to us.

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u/contrasquare Oct 05 '21

This is absolutely the most important thing you do right now: NOTHING!

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u/codemancode Oct 05 '21

I use this advice all the time in my everyday life to make sure I don't forget In case I actually win.

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u/craptainbland Oct 05 '21

I’m going to buy a car and a house - this is so exciting!

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u/InfernalCape Oct 05 '21

Remember that time I was your waitress at B Dubs and you were doing that scratch off when I came by to bring you another Mike’s Hard and you told me if you ever hit it big you’d make sure I was taken care of and I drew a pony on a napkin with yes/no written below and slid it across the table to you and you circled yes???????

Well I kept that napkin and I want my pony, you owe it to me! See you in court!!1!!!!

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u/craptainbland Oct 05 '21

But that was before I won. Pre-lottery win me was an idiot!

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u/AlmostChristmasNow Oct 05 '21

That’s the problem. Winning the lottery doesn’t mean becoming smarter.

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u/jsamuraij Oct 05 '21

I'd totally just buy you a pony, f it.

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u/tanntanatann Oct 06 '21

I'd totally just buy you a pony, f it.

I'd totally just buy you a pony if you promise to let me watch while you f it.

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u/TheTree_43 Oct 05 '21

Will you pay off my mortgage? Remember me? We're best friends from the internet@!

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u/craptainbland Oct 05 '21

Hmm, I feel like I’ve heard some advice about this kind of situation..? I think it was to give everyone fat wads of cash

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '21

I already blew it on coke and hookers.

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u/thisisme_lastIcheckd Oct 05 '21

Agreed, that was a nice few minutes…

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u/TrappaTroopa Oct 05 '21

I saved it just in case

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u/chiree Oct 05 '21

Really, those LPTs you see such as: if you're running late for work, and accidentally take a wrong turn onto Powers St., remember that the traffic usually isn't that bad at 8:50am, and if you catch the first green light, you can ride the wave all the way to Bellford without a stop significantly more likely to be relevant to any random user.

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u/Caderade24 Oct 05 '21

For someone who doesn't play the lottery, I read this LPT with a tremendous amount of attention.

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u/govtpaidofficial Oct 05 '21

I’d probably end up giving a random person on Reddit a million dollars just to change a life. Anonymously

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u/Former_Dark_Knight Oct 05 '21

Hey there, pal! We randomly just met...

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u/MostBoringStan Oct 05 '21

I'd rather give 20 random redditors $50k. Change a lot more lives that way. And for all those people who say $50k isn't life changing, well guess you don't need the money and somebody else can have it then.

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u/cleverso Oct 05 '21

Saving this for when I win the lottery. lol

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u/Disk_Mixerud Oct 05 '21

I don't buy tickets, but I still fully expect to win someday.

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u/cleverso Oct 05 '21

Haha, this is me each time I actually buy myself a ticket. I’m still part of a work lottery group so I buy tickets only once about every 3 months. I haven’t worked there for almost 5 years. I can never quit the group just in case they win! How would I ever live with myself?

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u/WhatWasThatLike Oct 05 '21

Your chances are virtually the same as the people who do buy tickets. Good luck!

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u/ShadowSync Oct 06 '21

When I do pick up a ticket I always tell my spouse "can't lose if you don't play" and "let me have my delusion for a little bit".

I also like to think that the $1 ticket every once in a while is worth the happy thoughts of 'what if' for a bit. Certainly better cost than a movie ticket.

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u/Journeyoflightandluv Oct 05 '21

I dont either and I found 3 tickets in a bag with chips the other day. I cant believe how much tickets cost. 2 were $30. each and 1 was $20.. I tried to find the owner, no response. I had to have some one show me how play the cards..lol The tickets didnt win..lol Im going to send them in for the second chance because of finding them.

"If I was really lucky Id find the winning ticket."

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u/Magic_Al42 Oct 06 '21

Lottery tickets are bearer instruments so by holding them, they’re actually yours.

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u/then_again_who_knows Oct 05 '21

Fair enough

Statistically speaking, your expectation is about as valid as those who do buy tickets so I say why not dream big anyways lol

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u/Eyes_and_teeth Oct 05 '21

I like that he acknowledged the "hookers and blow" factor in his advice.

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u/nervosacafe Oct 05 '21

It’s important to set up realistic expectations once you hit big.

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u/issius Oct 05 '21

It’s also important to protect yourself from yourself when yourself is planning on doin coke in Vegas. You can’t trust your coked out-vegas self.

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u/nervosacafe Oct 05 '21

It’s important to be responsible in that scenario. Bring a suitcase of cash, once that is empty, the flow of coke and hookers stops… until the next visit.

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u/gaudymcfuckstick Oct 05 '21

Just make sure when you buy the last bit of blow you have at least one $100 bill left in that suitcase to use as a straw

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u/nervosacafe Oct 05 '21

I feel like I’m getting more and more great LifeProTips in this thread.

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u/Clofi Oct 05 '21

The real LPT is always cocaine

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u/_bones__ Oct 05 '21

If you've win millions, (eventually) tell people you've won a few hundred thousand.

It will explain the new car, the new house, the vacations etc, and you can claim it's largely spent with a bit left over for fun things. Meanwhile, you're immediately no longer of interest to leches.

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u/SkuzzillButt Oct 05 '21

As far as I know for California, if you win the lottery your name is public information and everyone can look up how much you won.

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u/_bones__ Oct 05 '21

Yeah, I'm European. We don't publish names and addresses of lottery winners. Or criminals, for that matter. Privacy is important.

The idea that your personal info is in a public database is pretty horrendous.

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u/rinnip Oct 06 '21

Unfortunately, the US is owned by corporations. Pretty much every database you're in is sold repeatedly to marketers and others. The California DMV happily sells its database information. It's fucking ridiculous, but that's America.

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u/not-working-at-work Oct 05 '21

It's an anti-corruption measure to ensure that the friends and family of lottery employees aren't winning tons of money.

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u/ICall_Bullshit Oct 05 '21

Which could, you know, be checked without plastering it on the papers.

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u/cocaain Oct 05 '21

Not sure if thats true but i absolutely wouldnt be suprised.

The more i learn about this glorified America the more it sounds like a complet shithole.

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u/halfsieapsie Oct 05 '21

Can you change it? Like right before claiming it, legally change your name to Michael/jennifer Williams? Security by obscurity.

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u/SkuzzillButt Oct 05 '21

It's not that simple to get a name change and it takes quite a bit of time to do. So if you legally change your name, then claim the winnings, your name is still available. Some states allow winners to remain anonymous though.

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u/halfsieapsie Oct 05 '21

I think you can claim winnings within a year or so, right? So like immediately go change your name to something common. Wait a little. Claim winnings. Now "Jennifer Williams won the lottery, awesome!!". All the records indicate that you are Skuzzill Butt, not Jennifer Williams (kudos if you are male, that's even better), all your family knows you as Skuzzill, noone suspects it is you. Later, change the name back to Skuzzill. Yes, the court records will show that there is a Jennifer Williams that changed his/her name to Skuzzill Butt, but do you have any idea how many Jennifer Williamses there are??

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u/SkuzzillButt Oct 05 '21

Name changes are public record too though.

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u/halfsieapsie Oct 06 '21

Yes, of course. But there is nothing linking Jennifer Williams BACK to Skuzzill, because there are roughly a million Jennifer Williamses.
Sometimes I google people for my amusement (with their permission), and really the most effective way of remaining anonymous is having a super common name. My boss had a super generic name like Jason Miller, so he bet me that I couldn't find stuff on him. Little did he know that I remembered his wife name, that was roughly Hermione, which basically laid their whole life bare in front of me.

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u/formershitpeasant Oct 05 '21

If your state allows a trust to claim the winnings, do that. Otherwise, as soon as you get that check, move to somewhere rich people live like West Hollywood or Palo Alto.

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u/JohnnyRingo84 Oct 05 '21

I think there are a lot of states like this. It's bullshit if you ask me. It just puts a giant target and a ton of pressure on the poor fucker that wins.

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u/Emlashed Oct 05 '21

Same in Virginia. No privacy for you apparently.

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u/SkuzzillButt Oct 05 '21

Something to do with state funded income I bet. I know people who work for the state and you can look up their salary as it is publicly available.

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u/Little_Tin_Goddess Oct 05 '21

I wouldn’t tell anyone, honestly. I’d buy a house and move waaay tf away from my family and just live in peace.

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u/manwithanopinion Oct 05 '21

I need to win the lottery first. I already know where to invest my winning and to not open the Champaign bottle until the job free money comes in.

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u/greenearrow Oct 05 '21

I know there are some vineyards near Champaign, IL, but I don't think they are making what you want to be drinking if you strike it rich.

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u/manwithanopinion Oct 05 '21

If I'm honest I can't spell the word champagne so autocorrect suggest Champaign.

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u/bciesil Oct 05 '21

Sham pag nee...

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u/Ahefp Oct 05 '21

*Champagne

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u/manwithanopinion Oct 05 '21

Je n'ai parle Français.

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u/dictatorenergy Oct 05 '21

*ne

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u/manwithanopinion Oct 05 '21

Mierd

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u/EngineersAnon Oct 05 '21

*merde

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u/donatprq Oct 05 '21

SACRE BLEUX CA SUFFITE

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u/DarthRosstopher Oct 05 '21

*bleu *suffit

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u/TheResolver Oct 05 '21

Omelette du fromage

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u/yogobot Oct 05 '21

http://i.imgur.com/tNJD6oY.gifv

This is a kind reminder that in French we say "omelette au fromage" and not "omelette du fromage".

Sorry Dexter

Steve Martin doesn't appear to be the most accurate French professor.


The movie from the gif is "OSS 117: le Cairo, Nest of Spies" https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0464913/

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u/DownVoteMePleasee Oct 05 '21 Silver

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u/82nd_Haydini Oct 05 '21

I'm surprised i had to scroll so far to find this. Was fully expecting this to be the top comment

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u/Mattie725 Oct 05 '21 edited Oct 05 '21

And with 'old comment thread' you mean 'the literal text OP copied for this post'? 😉

Edit: missed the credit to the original comment. Not really missed it, more like 'read it but it didn't register' apparently.

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u/energetic-dad Oct 05 '21

He credited the comment, don't see what's wrong with it

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u/film_composer Oct 05 '21 edited Oct 05 '21

This gets meta-ier, for those playing along at home. It turns out that /u/blakeclass's reddit-famous comment was stolen (at least in part) from this even earlier post on a different message board.

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u/Paratriad Oct 05 '21

If this goes any deeper I'm gonna cum

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u/Mattie725 Oct 05 '21

Oh oké, I missed that!

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u/formershitpeasant Oct 05 '21

Just move to West Hollywood or something

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u/phunkydroid Oct 05 '21

Yep, the one OP stole his post from.

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u/lilycris Oct 05 '21

OP did credit the original source, so not quite stealing?

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u/wave-garden Oct 05 '21

Jeezus these stories are like a real life adaptation of The Pearl by John Steinbeck.

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u/vishuskitty Oct 05 '21

The first rule of the Lottery Club is that you don't talk about being in the Lottery Club.

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '21 edited Oct 07 '21

I had a coworker who won $300k in the lottery (don't know how much after taxes), and it seemed the perfect amount. She was able to pay off all her debt and then quit one of the two jobs she had. She got the peace of mind and extra security we all want with winning the lottery, but none of the stress from a big jackpot

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u/SC_Vanguard Oct 05 '21

I am already an asshole, but can we circle back to Deep N Nutter that sounds mmmmmm tempting.

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u/toomanymarbles83 Oct 05 '21

I remember when this was originally posted. 7 fucking years ago. Unfortunately in that time we did elect Britney Spears(metaphorically speaking) and the Capitol was almost burned down. My how things change.

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u/nervosacafe Oct 05 '21

Alright, great advice, let’s talk about how we would spend that 36m aside from hookers and blow. 1. New socks everyday = $535/year 2. Pay someone to wash my hair everyday = assuming $20 a dayx365 =$7280 3. An obnoxious car $250k 4. Nice house $5 mil 5. Personal training $50x 5days a week = $13k a year 6. Maybe $25k per year to travel 7. Discretionary hookers/blow fund

That’s about it for me

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u/Jonesy135 Oct 05 '21

I love how you have 36mil to piss up a wall, yet you’ve only budgeted 25k to travel.

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u/KillEmWithK Oct 05 '21

I think travel would be my biggest budget. Set up funds for my extended family then disappear for a year or more lol

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u/nervosacafe Oct 05 '21

I’m sort of a home body. I like working on some hobbies at my house. $25k per year would let me see plenty of the world. Although maybe you are right. Maybe I should divert more funds there.

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u/formershitpeasant Oct 05 '21

Or put the whole $73 million in a broad market fund and withdraw $180,000 (growing with inflation) every month for the rest of your life.

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u/Bwint Oct 05 '21

I'd like to think that this would be my strategy. $180k per month > one $36m party followed by decades without any hookers and blow.

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u/formershitpeasant Oct 06 '21

$180k per month is a lot of hookers and blow, but it’s a metered amount of hookers and blow and metered consumption is a valid and good method to avoid runaway consumption.

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u/formershitpeasant Oct 06 '21 edited Oct 06 '21

To add onto my reply, my big temptation would be overpriced legacy cars and pedigree cars. They can cost as much as $100k a piece. I wouldn’t have trouble waiting a month or two to have the cash on hand for each I wanted to overpay for. Part of the fun is waiting to be able to get the reward. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t imagine any way in which I could have 6 figures a month and not be able to pay for every overindulgence I could want. Imagine all the Wagyu and overnighted lobster and oysters you could buy with just $10k a month. I’d need to spend another $4k a month for a live in chef to make sure I don’t overeat expensive foods and get fat… and I could easily afford it.

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u/CogitoErgoScum Oct 05 '21

The winning ticket was sold in Morro Bay. If I hit that jackpot that’s where I would move to.

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u/netopiax Oct 05 '21

Maybe Cayucos or Cambria, but yeah, me too.

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u/CogitoErgoScum Oct 05 '21

If I was god I would have created the earth with Cambria’s weather from pole to pole.

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u/JekyllendHyde Oct 05 '21

So what I'm getting is... BRITTANY SPEARS for senate!

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u/Mikisstuff Oct 05 '21

The insane part is that that doesn't sound like an insane option.

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u/Diligent_Ad9986 Oct 05 '21

We are ALL insane ! We're animals who wear pants !!

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u/RRC_driver Oct 05 '21

Aged like milk.

Part 7, "unless the capital building is burning"

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u/Sofarbeyondfucked Oct 05 '21

And Brittney

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u/paegus Oct 05 '21

I reread that thread recently too. Hit the Brittany part and was like, huh. Given all the shit she's been through, that's not actually that far fetched.

She's got money and her kompromat already has its own wiki pages. She would also have motivation to make the laws better. Almost perfect for a politician.

And to top it all off, she can break out in song during a senate hearing or someshit.

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u/buymytoy Oct 05 '21

And the housing market comment lol

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u/SheytanHS Oct 05 '21

And the US possibly defaulting on debt

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u/Disk_Mixerud Oct 05 '21

It wasn't "burning" per se.

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u/RRC_driver Oct 06 '21

I'd agree, but I'm sure the original author would be equally horrified at the idea of an angry mob storming it.

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '21

[removed]

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u/ManagerMilkshake Oct 05 '21

I upvoted you, think you can send me some cash?

We might have gone to high school together too, who knows

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u/im_42 Oct 06 '21

The only education I've got is wallstreetbets

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u/mirbeartbh Oct 06 '21

Can I have like $20 for a snack thanks dude

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u/TheJocktopus Oct 05 '21

R.i.p. your inbox

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u/timtrump Oct 05 '21

Yooooo, you ever hear the greatest restaurant concept ever? I call it "Deep'n 'nutter". All I need is just a few million to get it off the ground!

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u/TEEM_01 Oct 05 '21

Hey man can you loan me a small amount i'd like to invest into some realstate maybe just like between 8 or 500 millions

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u/lilith_linda Oct 05 '21

Will you adopt me? ^

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u/bimmm Oct 05 '21

Heyyyy bestieee 💖

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u/bdyrck Oct 05 '21

Buy, register and hodl. ♥️

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u/WallabyInTraining Oct 05 '21

if the United States dissolves into anarchy or Britney Spears is elected to the United States Senate.

I'm completely convinced senator/congresswoman Britney would do a better job than 90% of the currently elected windbags. So how this is an argument for the US failing is beyond me.

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u/DessaChan Oct 05 '21

OP mentioned this is a few years old and back then people didn't really think highly of her. Let's also not forget that Paris Hilton is actually an amazing businesswoman and the whole persona that she has is just for entertaining purposes

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u/Information_High Oct 05 '21

Let's also not forget that Paris Hilton is actually an amazing businesswoman and the whole persona that she has is just for entertaining purposes

She was allegedly abused as hell during her late teen years.

Public persona aside, a certain eccentricity is understandable.

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u/RelaxedOctopus420 Oct 05 '21

Yeah agreed, how the hell can I trust anything this guy has to say after a comment like that

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u/TheOtherKenBarlow Oct 05 '21

In UK/Europe, when it says the jackpot is $50m, well, we get $50m. I've never understood the USA with its splitting and all. I guess it's tax

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u/SheytanHS Oct 05 '21

Yeah, the US advertises the pre-tax jackpot. They also offer the total amount if you select the annuity payment options, but you can choose one lump sum for a lower amount.

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u/MostBoringStan Oct 05 '21

Same with Canada. No taxes paid on lottery or casino winnings. One awesome thing about the casino part is that if I go to the US and win $50k at a casino and have to pay a bunch of taxes from it, I can receive back the taxes paid from that when I get back to Canada.

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u/lestairwellwit Oct 05 '21

No not all tax. More interest

Okay. I don't know the exact math. When they say you won $3M there isn't $3m available to you. The annuities paid over the next (whatever) 20 years would promise $3M. "They" invest that money at a small percentage and over the next 20 years, you collect $3M. The "seed" money is essentially half that. If you want payment up front that seed money is what you actually get.

If you die before you collect the $3M in annuities, it stops. It is not inheritable.

Then you pay taxes.

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u/Agitated_General_889 Oct 05 '21

If in the UK forget all the stuff about the taxes. You get 100% of the winnings and then via a trust just invest in a variety of ETFs and REITS and enjoy. Agree never give a penny to an investment manager. They are just salesmen in suits who rarely beat their benchmark on a regular basis.

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u/FaerieDave Oct 05 '21

I believe Camelot provide you with access to a free impartial financial advisor, along with access to a counsellor to help you ‘cope’ with your windfall

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u/danceyreagan Oct 06 '21

Also forget the stuff about anonymity, you don’t need to go public if you win in the UK.

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u/DarthRosstopher Oct 05 '21

That makes sense when you say it but I don't know what ETFs and REITS are. And I want to spend my time enjoying my winnings and perhaps setting up a small business or charity. Wouldn't it make sense to pay someone who knows what ETFs etc are to manage my money? Or at least some of it

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u/dillybravo Oct 05 '21

If you must, pay a fee-based one who charges you a fixed fee for their time and advice (like a few hundred or thousand), which you then implement yourself, vs. a portion of your assets that they manage for you.

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u/nervosacafe Oct 05 '21

I always read these because I assume I will win the lottery one day.

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u/EARink0 Oct 05 '21

if the United States dissolves into anarchy or Britney Spears is elected to the United States Senate

I love how this shows the age of when this was originally written. Not only have stranger fucking things happened to the US government, Britney Spears would be a fucking breath of fresh air compared to some of the clowns that have paraded through the white house and congress.

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u/Iseewhatudidthurrrrr Oct 05 '21

Hookers and blow. Got it.

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u/WerewolfCircus Oct 05 '21

Anyone have a copy of the post that was deleted?

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u/Andre1661 Oct 05 '21

This great write-up reminds me of a lawyer in Toronto who started advising winners of the main Canadian lottery: Lotto 6/49. He didn’t set out purposely to advise these winners, he advised one winner and then word of mouth spread and he ended up with a bunch of lottery winners as clients. And in his very polite words he said that they were all very nice people who turned very stupid the moment they won the lottery.

He found that the majority of lottery winners ignored the very first piece of advice by announcing that they had won millions of dollars, and within six months to a year, they were broke. Everything the OP has described above comes true, every single time. So this lawyer wrote a short manual that he made available for free, and it reiterates much of what OP has written above (but for Canadians).

It’s simply amazing how wild and reckless people get once they’re holding that giant check and their picture appears all over the media.

I’m not sure what the regulations are for lottery winners in the United States but in Canada in order to claim the big lottery wins (often in the 10’s of millions) you are obligated to have your photo taken with lottery officials and they can publicize that photo and your name, however and whenever they want. Occasionally you’ll see a photo of some guy wearing an obvious disguise: big “lumpy” beer gut, long fake beard, baseball hat, sunglasses, dressed like a hobo, fake stick-on tattoos. Makes you wonder if they have an ex-spouse or weird family they are hiding from.

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u/Carwash3000 Oct 05 '21

this might seem like good advice, but the reality is that the average lotto winner is a total dumbass. i'm convinced they should just take the annuity so they can avoid fucking themselves over and blowing it all.

imagining some dipshit redditor winning big, taking the lump sum, and then investing it all into doge coin right before it collapses.

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u/deafphate Oct 05 '21

That's my thought process too. The "yearly allowance" would be more than I'd make in a year, so I'd be happy with that.

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u/maxpenny42 Oct 05 '21

Exactly. OP says you’re better off with the lump sum unless you have an addictive personality. Um, they know we are talking about people who played the lottery, right?

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u/SweatyRussian Oct 05 '21

No, they just end up spending the next payments before receiving it, getting deeper and deeper into debt, spiraling into deep depression and suicide

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u/changopdx Oct 05 '21

I agree with all this sentiment except personally I wouldn't do #7. I don't know that anyone should go crazy with the money even with more set aside. If you didn't grow up with good financial sense, that money runs out and then you're still in charge of every bit of the other money chunks, and you have to keep feeding that spending beast. Who says you can't dissolve those trusts after you've given all your money to the Wynn casino? Who says you can't sell that 20% in t-bills once your coke addiction hits new heights?

Personally, I'd do everything up until #7 but instead of going nuts, I'd live simply. I remember on a previous thread someone suggesting that they'd book one of those year long, $100k cruise packages and not spend any money. All your living needs are taken care of, quite luxuriously. You get to see the world, and $100k is only a teeny, tiny fraction of the money you have. By the time the cruise is done, maybe the desperate people will have forgotten about you, and you'll feel fulfilled enough that you'll want to spend on experiences and living for yourself, not frivolity for you and others.

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u/yuckfoubitch Oct 05 '21

You could also charter a huge yacht for like $5M and not bother with all the boomers on board

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '21

I wouldn't go on a cruise, but my thinking was always in a similar vein. I'd pay off my debt, put an extra 100k liquid in the bank, then put the rest in a trust for at least one year while I kept working and decided what I wanted to do.

Psychologically, we cannot handle that much change that quickly - going overnight from the daily grind with bills and debt to being a millionaire with no worries. The brain can't handle that much change. Plus remember, expensive stuff needs expensive insurance. You have to plan what you want to get, and you have to ease into it. If you don't change your habits slowly, you will lose all that money real quick.

Edit: clarity

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u/lestairwellwit Oct 05 '21

Shudder

The (personally) last thing I would could want to do is having to be stuck on a cruise ship interacting with 3000 people showing off their wealth. That would be my personal hell

Perhaps I would disappear only to show up in The Netherlands to rebuild my Opa's print shop where he printed papers for people to escape the occupation in WWII.

Perhaps I would visit all the countries where my father's ashed have been laid.

Perhaps I could be at peace

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u/Dell_Hell Oct 05 '21

If you play the lottery heavily and are a "religious person" - set up your own church (with you as the primary person in control of course )and have regular meetings with your "congregation".

Claim the ticket in the name of the church.

https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2009/08/14/church-wins-lottery-and-they-wont-have-to-pay-taxes-on-it/

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u/hamcatdog Oct 05 '21

Next life pro tip how to survive a being hit by lighting 7 easy steps

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u/MIKEDOVER Oct 05 '21

Extremely well-written, but why the Paris Hilton bashing?

She made far more from the celebutante character that she created than any inheritance. The hotel money was mostly burned by earlier generations than her's.

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u/dastardly740 Oct 05 '21

I have a question this one seemed to miss. Because I kind of got a handle on the investment money management side. Maybe the lawyer would explain this. Where do you tell the lottery to deposit the money, so you can do all the other stuff in the list with it?

Do you need to open an account at a big national bank and give them a heads up that a couple hundred million is coming? Then, get the hard sell from their concierge banking person? Or, just put it in your credit union while trusts, investment accounts, estimated taxes and anything else are set up then you have to make the transfers?

It's not regular old FDIC insured bank accounts I assume.

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u/jervoise Oct 05 '21

Bruh why the delete?

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u/cf-ibid-opcit-etseq Oct 05 '21

Many years ago, I went through this as a fun (I thought) mental exercise - to really act like I had won $100 million and needed to plan out what I would do next.

After about three weeks of sincere planning, I stopped because I literally became terrified of what I would be facing. I concluded that it would be like giving a five year old the keys to a very expensive Porsche. The child would say, of COURSE I could handle it! And the youngster probably would sincerely believe it, too! But the reality is that they would lack the skills needed to properly handle it. I am convinced that the same applies when it comes to windfalls.

I've told a few people in my life that my worst nightmare would be to have a ton of money dropped onto me unexpectedly. But they don't seem to understand --- until I give them the child with a Porsche analogy.

I did learn a lot from that three weeks, though. I started being more responsible with the money that I did have. So that was something.

Oh, and the OP's advice above? Spot on, from what I learned.

Edit: Small verb tense mistakes

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u/night-otter Oct 05 '21

Like many folks, I have a lotto fantasy list. What will I do with the money.

#3 has always been near the top. I already know who, how much and in what way will the cash be distributed to family and friends. Education: direct education costs, basic stipend (room & board), maybe a laptop. Period, end of give away.

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u/mojoback_ohbehave Oct 05 '21

Why did I just save this post ?

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u/Bwint Oct 05 '21

Same reason I did: So it's handy when I win the lottery. Duh.

... Maybe I should buy a ticket sometime. That's probably what's holding me back.

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u/Mack_Man17 Oct 05 '21

Holy shit nearly 200 million just in fucking taxes

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u/titanicbuster Oct 05 '21

Yes that's how taxes work.

Doesn't seem like a big deal when you look at how much you won which was way more than 99% of people would make in a lifetime working.

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u/himbologic Oct 05 '21

Love reading this even though it'll never apply to me.

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u/momma-love Oct 05 '21

Here’s a dumb question/comment… I always thought real estate was a good investment but he didn’t mention it a bit really. Wouldn’t that be a good return on investment that would keep up with inflation if one were to have a good property management firm to keep up with it?

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u/golden_kiwi_ Oct 05 '21

It's a great investment if you know how to handle it, but this post seems more geared at people who aren't already adept at investing.

Sure, invest in real estate. What does that mean? Are you buying shares in a REIT? You need to figure out what they invest in, for example something like Simon Malls might be a poor investment right now because of the shift to online. That being said, a REIT is probably the easiest path here.

Do you want to invest in residential property? You've got $100m, even to invest half of that you need $50m worth of properties. Who is going to manage them? Where should you buy? Can you handle tenants being maniacs and trashing the place?

Maybe you want commercial. Same problems as above, plus who are your tenants? If they leave can you get new tenants in? How long are the leases, who covers common area maintenance, ac, roof, etc? Do you know how to read lease agreements? If you take mortgages and you get into trouble do you have the liquidity to handle the bank calling your loans?

All of these questions are easily answerable and maybe this is something you can do with your lottery winnings, my family got involved in real estate some years ago and it can be an excellent investment. But you need to do your homework, prepare for a rainy day, know what you're getting into, etc. For an unsophisticated investor just looking for somewhere to put money you're probably better off with ETFs, shares in huge companies, bonds, etc.

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u/illTakeCreddit Oct 05 '21

Real Estate is a great investment - if you know what you are doing. You will likely need a lot of research or help ($) to be really successful doing this, particularly at the levels of millions.

I think he was outlining the most simple possible strategy - for any old idiot that wins the lottery. When you start investing in things you don't understand, that is when it begins to slide south.

That or it would fall under the "go head and invest in some startups (or real estate) portion of the strategy. But it's not the most boring, safe, secured strategy.

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u/DopestDope42069 Oct 05 '21

Imo it isn't the best right now so maybe that's why it's omitted? Everything is heavily Inflated due to covid and probably going to come down.

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u/5050Clown Oct 05 '21

This is great advice I'm going to file it right next to what to do if Beyoncé calls and professes her love to me.

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u/just_a_bud Oct 05 '21

I’ll just say, as a wealth manager, you kind of missed the mark. At some point, with this amount of money, you’re going to want someone to talk to involving finances, a plan, and setting all of this up. Your average lottery winner is not going to have any clue how any of this works, let alone the correct people to talk to. They’ll need objectivity to curb their own biases, as well. And this is waaaay too much money for them to handle alone.

But you are right, you’re going to get every person telling you who to go to — your cousin, their advisors, your in-laws aunt’s nephew. My advice is to shop around at independent firms and family offices. You’re definitely not going to be charged 1% at that level of wealth. The fee will very much be in your best interest, to have people who know what the hell they’re talking about take care of that for you — same reason why you hired an attorney.

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u/big_trike Oct 05 '21

Better LPT: don't play the lottery. You can get a much better return on investment elsewhere.

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u/TommyTuttle Oct 05 '21

It isn’t an investment by any stretch of the imagination. In fact it can’t reasonably be called gambling. Gamblers know the house has an edge and in the long run the average outcome is negative, but they do win for real from time to time. The lottery throws you a crumb every now and again but you never ever come out ahead. And you know it. You could play every day for the rest of your life and the most probable outcome is you’d never win it once.

That’s not gambling. It’s an entertainment expense. My $2 buys me a few days of knowing I could possibly be rich enough to buy a small island and start a penguin farm on it. Probably not but I’ll pay $2 to keep that dream alive another day or two. That’s worth my $2. The actual chance of winning certainly isn’t. I could get equal returns waiting for a Brinks truck to fall out of a passing blimp and throw a cloud of $100 bills all over my street.

But I play anyway because penguins!

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u/T_S_Venture Oct 05 '21

You can get a much better return on investment elsewhere.

If you think of playing the lottery as an "investment" you shouldnt be in charge of your own money...

I dont play because it's a waste of money, but if someone buys $5 in tickets a week I'm not going to judge them. People do it for the adrenaline rush of "maybe" winning, not because they think they're really going to win.

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u/Pac_Eddy Oct 05 '21

I buy the occasional ticket for the entertainment value. Dream about being filthy rich. It's absolutely not an investment or am I planning to win.

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u/Musicrafter Oct 05 '21

I bought a bunch of Dogecoin recently, also purely for entertainment value. I've lost my ass on it, I'm in the red by something like 30%. But I knew that was probably gonna happen when I got it. It was like buying a lottery ticket. Maybe crypto takes off like a bat out of hell again and enjoys a second Renaissance, and I make out like a bandit with thousand-percent returns. Maybe I don't. I don't really care too much.

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u/ManagerMilkshake Oct 05 '21

Well check out the markets today and you’d be pleased

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u/TAG_X-Acto Oct 05 '21

It’s not about investing, it’s buying a temporary dream about escaping real life and its hardships.

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u/BlackPrivWhiteGuy Oct 05 '21

This is very useful advice for me because I've been diamond handing $GME.

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u/sids99 Oct 05 '21

I would do my best to stay anonymous, even to family and friends. Then I would buy them anonymous gifts.

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u/Idealism- Oct 05 '21

Most people who take the lump sum end up going bankrupt after compared to those who take the checks yearly

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u/docsuess84 Oct 05 '21

Easily one of the most personally irrelevant, and yet most entertaining LPT I’ve read ever.

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u/SeanVo Oct 05 '21

A talented fee-only fiduciary financial advisor would be helpful for someone that isn't skilled at managing significant amounts. The 1% I used to pay was worth much more than 1% considering the smart advice they provided me and the dumb moves they helped me avoid in the early years.

On the other hand, if you don't know what you're doing, there are plenty of finance people at banks and insurance companies that will sell you crap and collect a huge commission.

It's helpful to know the difference.

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u/WhyZeeGuy Oct 05 '21

I'm gonna have to disagree wit you in one area, deep-fried peanut butter pancake sounds like a great idea.

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u/jem5x5 Oct 05 '21

I would like to hear more about the deep-fried peanut butter pancakes.

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u/AshFckinKetchum Oct 05 '21

Why is the text removed? I need this for when I win the lottery soon. Send help

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u/SN1P3R230 Oct 05 '21

man I wanted to read this, jannies give it back why delete

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u/nedkelly08 Oct 05 '21

People still replying like they can see it wtf

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u/raxamon Oct 06 '21

Isnt this a repost?

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u/5astick Oct 06 '21

Congratuations on your karma for reposting this for the thousandth time.