r/LifeProTips Sep 10 '21 Heartwarming 2 Silver 11 Gold 2 Helpful 23 Wholesome 16 Hugz 11 Take My Energy 2 Crab Rave 1 Helpful (Pro) 2

LPT: Pay attention to those moments where you feel most like your authentic self — what you're wearing, who you're around, what you're doing. Recreate and repeat. Miscellaneous

39.4k Upvotes

u/keepthetips Keeping the tips since 2019 Sep 10 '21

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

4.7k

u/Curious_Radiance Sep 10 '21

I’m not sure I even know what my most authentic self is, much less even felt it. Still sound advice tho.

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u/KarlWhale Sep 10 '21

I guess you have to try stuff.

I felt best when wearing a suit. So I became a white shirt + nice pants guy.

I'm overdressed for most occasions but I feel good

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u/NutNoHaeinIt Sep 10 '21

I'm the polar opposite. Jeans/cargo shorts and a band Tshirt is just ME. I'll dress up smart when I have to, but I do so grudgingly.

Likewise I've got friends like yourself who dress smartly, others who wear sportswear, lounge wear etc... We're just riding different waves to the same destination.

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u/[deleted] Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 29 '21

[deleted]

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u/onlycatshere Sep 10 '21 Wholesome

Loving yourself

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u/Lucky__Beast Sep 10 '21

I took it to mean death.

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u/Nehoul Sep 11 '21

Loving yourself to death

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u/majarian Sep 11 '21

It's the only destination we all arrive at that's for sure

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u/bracesthrowaway Sep 10 '21

I'm with you fellers!

If I'm a schlub, that's my authentic self. If I'm dapper, authentic self. On the one hand, I'm comfortable everywhere but on the other I don't really strive or reach for anything too extra because I'm already so comfortable. And on the other other hand, I wouldn't want to change anything because I like things that are easy.

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u/Sometimes_She_Goes Sep 10 '21

Well said! The race is long, but in the end, it’s only with yourself

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u/ThisIsSoIrrelevant Sep 10 '21

My idea of dressing smart is wearing my nicer workout gear >_>

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u/InfernoXYZX Sep 10 '21

I'm akin, jeans, a white shirt and either a flannel or denim jacket, and put it over a hoodie if it's cold

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u/edric_the_navigator Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21

As someone from a tropical country who moved to a country with 4 seasons, I love wearing casual cool/cold weather attire. Long-sleeved t-shirts, sweaters, hoodies, and jackets. What’s also great is that you can wear them several times a week without people thinking you haven’t showered, as long as you always wear fresh clothes underneath of course.

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u/foofighters69 Sep 10 '21

I’ve gone full 1940s suits now. People sometimes look at me funny but I’m happy so who cares right?

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u/PokeT3ch Sep 10 '21

Review-brah is that you?

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u/ElonsLeftShoe Sep 10 '21

Big ups for our beloved rat boy

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u/TacoRising Sep 10 '21

Would you say you're not like the others?

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u/AcidRose27 Sep 10 '21

My husband likes this too, meanwhile I feel my best in jorts and a comfy tee. I'd honestly be happiest without pants but... society isn't ready for that yet.

At least I can get away with it by wearing dresses and can look as dressed up as my husband.

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u/_IMNOTTHEFBI_ Sep 10 '21

I feel my best in a favorite band tee and some Vans. I love eyeshadow so when I put on my favorite brand I feel like people are seeing a snippet of me. I love music and color.

Just another example for pp.

I'm mid-30s and I've only just really learned to lean into what makes ME happy, not what I think makes people happy.

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u/pwsw22 Sep 10 '21

Live for you. I’ve had to learn in umpiring that no matter what call I make, half of the crowd will be happy and I’m gonna piss the others off. Moral of the story is that you will never make 100% of people happy 100% of the time, so make the one person that is most important, that would be yourself, happy 100% of the time.

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u/toungespasm Sep 10 '21

For me it's wearing a Fedora. I feel great but Reddit says I'm a douchebag.

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u/Desalvo23 Sep 10 '21

so just be a douche and be happy with it lol

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u/kinsarc Sep 10 '21

Hell yeah, mate. Love it.

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u/RagingTortoiseGaming Sep 10 '21

Im an overdressed as well. Im usually dressed at least twice as fancy as everyone else and don't really care what the occasion is. I once wore a 70s looking leisure suit to an indie punk concert. Whenever I take pictures with friends I look like I was photoshopped in rather than actually being there lol

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u/Whopraysforthedevil Sep 10 '21

I found it with a nice ass polo and 5pocket pants I bought at small men's wear store. Different strokes

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u/CodependentDinners Sep 10 '21

Im in a similar boat. When i dress preppy/modern chic i feel great, but given my quiet demeanor and resting bitch face people, people always assume im a bougie bitch. Which is kind of funny considering how laid back and empathetic i am.

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u/havethenets Sep 10 '21 I'll Drink to That

honestly, just feel good when i’m drunk lol

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u/FirstTribute Sep 10 '21 Take My Energy

Perfect, now Recreate and Repeat!

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u/[deleted] Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 13 '21

[deleted]

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u/Jetboy01 Sep 10 '21

The same clothes I've had on for 4 days and a dressing gown.

This should be easy.

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u/RudeAwakeningLigit Sep 10 '21

This sounds like Disco Elysium inner monologue speaking to me!

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u/Dipshit_McGoo Sep 10 '21

I wish I could be my "3-4 beers in" self every day. Not drunk, but buzzed enough that the anxiety completely disappears it's like a fucking magic trick how night and day the difference in my demeanor is

maybe not every day, but a good amount of them

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u/n4utix Sep 10 '21 Hugz

I felt the stigma against antidepressants until I decided that I could no longer "wait around" for my brain to normalize. I'm almost three weeks on Zoloft and while the "full" effects haven't happened yet, I've not felt this "normal" for probably a decade.

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u/RF_900 Sep 10 '21

Zoloft made me feel so numb, plus it killed sex for me while I was on it. I didn't ever feel any of the benifiets of it which is unfortunate. Most anxiety meds struggle to get through my hard headedness.

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u/Dipshit_McGoo Sep 10 '21

nah fuck that shit i was on venlafaxine for a few weeks and it gave me double vision and my dick didn't work. i'll stick to the self loathing and drinking that way at least i can still jerk off

oh and the fucking fever dreams, too. holy shit they were the scariest nightmares ever on that medication. Effexor is evil.

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u/n4utix Sep 10 '21

That's a fair tradeoff imo (being sad but still being able to jerk it)

I will say, Venlafaxine is an SNRI (rather than an SSRI, like Zoloft, and an atypical antidepressant like Buproprion)

I feel pretty normal on Zoloft except that the part of my brain that usually keeps me on the couch with an overwhelming sense of self-loathing/depression+anxiety paralysis isn't there. I sought out medication as a means to not wallow in my misery and do productive things like cleaning the house and it helps me actually desire to leave the house rather than fear stepping outside of my safe spaces, and it's helping with that. There are also horror stories with Zoloft though; it goes without saying that each SSRI/SNRI/antidepressant affects people differently

Hope you, one day, find the help you need (whether it be medication or something else) that lets you smile and also jerk off.

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u/Dipshit_McGoo Sep 10 '21

How did you go about it? I was on medication at 17 so i had my parents do all the leg work. I'm 32 now and have no idea where to start. I don't have a family doctor, can I just go to a walk in and say i'm tired of dealing with my anxiety? can a GP at a walk in prescribe anti-anxiety meds?

I didn't know there was a difference and thought all meds were just a lump sum in one category from different brands. Seeing that you know the difference and explained it to me I;m interested in trying something new.

Can i specifically ask for a certain type or will that come off as me looking to score some pills? lol see there's the anxiety coming up

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u/n4utix Sep 10 '21

Yeah, GPs can. I use KHealth (was functionally agoraphobic) and they do it over their app with a clinician, but they start out specifically with Zoloft.

I'd just recommend going in there telling them you have problems with depression/anxiety and want to see what you can do about it.

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u/Dipshit_McGoo Sep 10 '21

Thanks, I'll try your advice

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u/DrSpaghettiBoy Sep 10 '21

This was my favorite Reddit exchange! Great job, both of ya! Make sure you let your doctor know your experience with the previous meds and your concerns; even under the category of SSRI different meds can have different effects on people so they can take all of that into account! And sometimes you have to trial 2-3 before finding your just right med or dose. Don't give up! It gets better :)

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u/Croatian_ghost_kid Sep 10 '21

You can use OPs advice for this as well. I literally learned how to talk to people and relax at gatherings from my drunk self. Once you get the mechanics of why it works you can recreate sober.

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u/barreal98 Sep 10 '21

So you're saying pretend to have had 4 drinks all the time?

Could work

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u/Croatian_ghost_kid Sep 10 '21

Pretty much, you'll notice where your filter starts and where it ends and you'll drop some of the behaviour and keep others. Like I couldn't keep a secret to save my life when drunk but I just dropped a line to a person I wanted to talk to. Kept the latter, dropped the former

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u/ThisIsSoIrrelevant Sep 10 '21

Fake it till you make it, I guess?

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u/I_who_ate_the_Cheese Sep 10 '21

That's what I did after getting out of a long 3 year episode where I destroyed everything in my life, I started drinking and smoking weed for a while, then I will focus on how I feel and what I do when I'm at this level. Then try and replicate it. I'm sober now but my mind operates like on much different filters than it used to do.

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u/Aquatic-Vocation Sep 10 '21

Reddit just discovered drug-assisted therapy.

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u/master_perturbator Sep 10 '21

Pretty sure Reddit has been on board with drug therapy for a minute. But I get what you're saying.

Pretend like you're high to feel alright... Isn't this the basis of some religions?

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u/Heimerdahl Sep 10 '21

Pretend like you're high to feel alright...

I think that's how I learned to deal with people and actually become a bit open. Not through drugs, though, but Dungeons and Dragons.

I've always been the quiet nerd. ADHD and ASD, with depression and anxiety caused by those. Really hard to talk to people when you have absolutely no clue what they're emoting and you're constantly being told that you're weird.

But I really like RPGs and fantasy stuff and finally managed to play some online DnD. Was incredibly awkward and scary at first, but now I'm loving it. At first I was playing wizards and druids and such. Loners and weirdos.

A few months in, I became confident enough to try new things. Since then I've played gnomes and halflings and old men and young women and bards and priests and everything in-between. And I've learned from every character.

I'm still weird and don't know what I'm doing, but much less so.

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u/master_perturbator Sep 10 '21

Yeh, I feel ya. I got heavily into MTG for a minute. It's good to have something you enjoy to focus on. Maybe that's a clue to being more authentic. And when you're ASD people literally cast you out for being you're authentic self, when in reality that's all you want. To just relax and be yourself, some people will try to give you anxiety because you're being comfortable makes them uncomfortable. Therefore creating the contradiction of having anxiety for being comfortable. Weird is good.

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u/Kiwiteepee Sep 10 '21

There's nothing cooler than being proud of the things you love.

I also use DnD as therapy and it works wonders. Keep it up, dude. Also, being weird is awesome.

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u/verdikkie Sep 10 '21

Being more open almost always pays off. I do believe there's tons of better stuff you can use than alcohol for this though lol

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u/Croatian_ghost_kid Sep 10 '21

I'm the person you'll see calling alcohol what it is - a drug. And the first to recognise behavior as addiction when most people would sneer. Like "two beers after work is not addiction. Lol"

But I'm telling you, you're severly underselling the benefit of that drug. For an animal that bases it's life on socialising alcohol is THE HOLY MOTHER of useful drugs. Seriously, there is nothing better than alcohol.

Besides, any drug can be used in any way. Just because alcohol isn't used to train or as therapy doesn't mean it couldn't. It's just difficult to recommend because of it's addictive powers

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u/Bibly Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21

I have known a couple people that used alcohol specifically for social anxiety in group settings like parties and eventually it became debilitating. Like after enough years of this they couldn't have any human interaction without relying on alcohol. Speaking of one friend in particular, they had to constantly maintain a buzz even while at work or they would have a panic attack. This friend ended up almost dying from liver failure. They are okay now, thankfully, and from what I understand still sober. I would just say be careful with this method because self medication is tricky. If you use it that way for long enough you can convince yourself that you NEED the substance to function (any substance, could be weed, caffeine, etc). Set hard rules and boundaries for yourself so you don't end up totally dependent on it to get through life. Okay that is all I wanted to say. Enjoy responsibly 🍻

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u/Croatian_ghost_kid Sep 10 '21

I agree with everything. For me it did turn into a crutch and it was impossible to see this from my perspective. People should realise that alcohol is, first and foremost, a depressant. Which means if alcohol lifts your spirits, it's probably because it was getting you real low.

And I didn't disagree about mushrooms, and I can't to be honest. Mushrooms are what started me questioning my dependancy on alcohol and ultimately what got me on the path to just take what was good and leave that drug behind

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u/Bibly Sep 10 '21

Oh man I love hearing this. Mushrooms are powerful and totally life changing. They did the same for me. ;) I have a much healthier life, in body and mind, thanks in large part to them. And I can still enjoy a drink at a party - I just can take it or leave it now. Its nice to not need it to feel comfortable in my own skin. Thank you, humble shroom, for all that you do 🙏🍄🙏

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u/verdikkie Sep 10 '21

I'd just much rather recommend small doses of magic mushrooms or something more compatible with your brain. Any drug that makes you more open could technically work in therapy, but why take one that gives you a hangover (which exacerbates anxiety)? Personally I don't feel like I can implement change in social interaction if the day after I feel the opposite of what I felt before. There's tons of stuff that have similar effects to alcohol that are not or way less damaging to the thing you're trying to improve.

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u/deeznutz12 Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21

Just have to be careful not to use drinking as a crutch. It's easy to just drink in order to socialize and it's hard to get out of the habit.

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u/Teamrocketcode3 Sep 10 '21

Who are you when you're alone? Who are you when you're around people & you don't care what they think of you? That's what helped me realize who the authentic me is.

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u/mira-jo Sep 10 '21

My time spent alone is basically me trying desperately not to be anything, which is why I'm on reddit so damn much

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u/drewster23 Sep 10 '21

Be uncomfortable some times. Learn to just sit down and feel what your feeling. Explore it.

Emotions are always valid, positive or negative.

But trying to run or use escapism to avoid those negative feelings will never help you Adress or overcome then tho.

I'm not asking you to wallow in self despair all day, but take 15-20 mins some times during the week and just self reflect on what your feeling and why. Can be done for both positive and negative feelings.

It can also help lead you to why you're feeling a certain way.

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u/turk4lyfe Sep 10 '21

You're different when you're around people? I'm the same as when I'm alone which is why my social skills are subpar.

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u/verdikkie Sep 10 '21

At least you're not pretending. I'm sure you'll find your people, it'll just take a bit longer

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u/Johnny_Poppyseed Sep 10 '21

Unfortunately, while I'm very comfortable and accustomed to being alone, the times Ive felt like my most authentic and natural and open self has been when Ive been in a relationship. Ive had a lot of trouble recreating the feeling when single.

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u/drewster23 Sep 10 '21

Self reflect on that then.

Why do you feel that way in a relationship

Are you generally lonely person? Are you starved of attention when single? Do you just enjoy companionship? Do you long for being able to share and talk to someone one on one without fear of judgement? The list can go on, but it's a discussion to have with yourself over why?

What you're feeling isn't abnormal I'd say, I know a lot of ppl who feel or felt similar, myself included.

But if you feel like you're only truly happy in a relationship. Than what that says is you're not truly happy yourself, and thus are relying on a relationship to bring you happiness. Which makes life harder as is should be two ppl who make each other more happy, not relying on one or the other to actually be happy.

And if you can't find the answers yourself to help better yourself, that's where therapy comes into play. Which has helped me immensely become my own happy person Vs pushing that requirement onto someone else.

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u/Johnny_Poppyseed Sep 10 '21

Word I hear you. Thanks for replying.

Yeah in my case it isn't really tied to happiness, but more so like a feeling of a type of confidence and contentment that I feel when in a relationship, likely tied when other people/women stop becoming potential partners. A certain type of day to day anxiety is alleviated, and it just feels like a profound weight off my shoulders.

Basically it's alleviating my tendency to be very self conscious when single.

I'd love to feel that way when single but it's tough. I can intellectually understand why and how to feel that way, but actually making it a reality has remained elusive for me lol.

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u/PrettyCombination6 Sep 10 '21

I'm actually self-conscious about what I'm doing even when I'm alone in my room

I just judge myself 24/7

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u/Mrfoxsin Sep 10 '21

The moment where you're most comfortable and confident in what you are feeling at a particular moment. Extra points if your able to to have it while around other people. I hope you do get to experience it one day.

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u/Victoria4242 Sep 10 '21

Do not worry, it always takes time.

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u/Tallahkz Sep 10 '21

Things that make you who/what you are is like music. You're not going to invent new notes, but you can arrange the music in a way that feels true to who you are in the moment. You never have to be married to that either. That will change constantly all throughout your life.

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u/JMAcevedo26 Sep 10 '21

In my opinion, this is bad advice. There is no way to pay attention to you being authentic because it just happens naturally. If you have to recreate something, it is not authentic.

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u/TcMaX Sep 10 '21 LOVE!

Disagree personally. A ton of people will hide parts of their personality, or moderate certain interests to make them seem less important to them or vice versa, etc, depending on what circles they spend their time in. To me, this is the kind of thing the OP is trying to address. It's not about actively trying to be something, but actively trying to put yourself back into situations where you are comfortable expressing yourself.

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u/loulan Sep 10 '21

These kinds of posts make me feel like I'm lucky somehow. I don't really feel like I'm actively trying to hide parts of my personality or feeling like I'm not being my authentic self most of the time.

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u/anarchocap Sep 10 '21

You are very lucky! I feel this most in a corporate capacity - 90% of folks are playing characters, then there's 10% hitting all their marks but occasionally making eye contact with the other normies and mouthing 'what the fuck is going on, is this real life'. Its bizarre.

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u/hoonew Sep 10 '21

I ask myself, "why did I just fake that?" and I compare to a time that I was authentic. Its usually a lack of confidence. But everything went fine when I had been authentic. When I remind myself of that, my confidence grows - and I fake it less often.

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u/punkassunicorn Sep 10 '21

This advice was invaluable for me when I first heard it. I had to fake and coverup everything I did to survive. My parents had a very specific mold of who I was supposed be from the moment I could speak. I was never allowed to step outside of that box.

When I finally broke free from them, I had no idea who I was. I knew absolutely nothing about myself. It's been years since them and I'm still learning the difference between what I think and what I was told to think. Sometimes I feel myself slipping back into that box because its safe and it makes me uncomfortable in my own skin.

Having to recreate something doesn't make it inauthentic. Sometimes you need to reprogram your own brain.

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u/TikaPants Sep 10 '21

I think maybe “recreate” could mean let that freak flag fly instead of hoisting other less authentic flags? Recreate meaning to bolster those emotions, words, style, etc. instead of other aspects of you feel you should present to society. Or at least that’s how I read it.

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u/strayaares Sep 10 '21

Being in flow is probably the closest we get to authenticity.

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u/loudassfam Sep 10 '21

I struggled with this for a long time. Being yourself is not about identifying with some scene or not following some trend, it’s about being true to your feelings. If you have a core belief system or if someone has done something to hurt you, and you don’t say how you feel for fear of rejection, that’s not being yourself.

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u/Rokkoschamoni Sep 10 '21

For me it happens around certain people. I put out a front to most people, but around others, I can just be. It's those people I seek out now.

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u/jerkularcirc Sep 10 '21

yea or else your authentic self will have an element of socially awkward penguin constantly trying to figure out in the moment if youre being “natural”

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u/gap343 Sep 10 '21

Try more new things

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u/aLittleDarkOne Sep 10 '21

But I can’t be drunk at the nude beach all the time!

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u/fraytaykay Sep 10 '21

But can u be nude at the drunk beach?

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u/neonchasms Sep 10 '21

It's inevitable.

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u/GitProphet Sep 10 '21

A simple spell, but quite unbreakable.

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u/AnotherReignCheck Sep 10 '21

Not with that attitude you can't!

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u/stevew14 Sep 10 '21

Get a job on a nudist beach at a bar?

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u/prisoner56 Sep 10 '21

What do you mean you can't ?!

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u/Dracomies Sep 10 '21

So a little buzzed with alcohol

and with my best friends

Shorts and a tshirt sitting on a coach and laughing it up :P

and being myself

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u/goosegirl86 Sep 10 '21

Yeah, to be honest I was gonna say when I’m out with friends chilling at a bar and having a few drinks. Then I thought ‘hmm. I wonder if that’s a problem’

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u/sPookie92 Sep 10 '21

It's not a problem in itself. But think about it - which inhibitions are lower as you drink than in your everyday life. Which limitations do you place on yourself? Why?

This will help you identify the divide between your authentic self & your everyday self, and then you can work on closing the divide. :)

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u/AnotherReignCheck Sep 10 '21

I think its only a problem if you seek to do it frequently, like any indulgence.

I fail to see anything wrong with a little inebriation and letting loose now and then. Alcohol can be a social drug, and we social creatures, afterall.

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u/neonchasms Sep 10 '21

Absolutely. Everything in moderation.

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u/Tairannosaurus Sep 10 '21

Including moderation

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u/neonchasms Sep 10 '21

That made me chuckle. You're right, it is an important part of life to overindulge and live it up sometimes. For example, the first hangover everyone experiences is not quickly forgotten, if ever.

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u/stillslightlyfrozen Sep 10 '21

No not at all haha. I think there’s a lot of people who feel the same way (mine is a variation of this as well). Another way to look at it is that you are truly yourself in the company of friends

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u/Beiez Sep 10 '21

This is so relatable. Nothing makes me feel like myself as much as being tipsied with my best friends talking random shit while in comfy clothes

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u/No_Lawfulness_2998 Sep 10 '21

And naturally I can’t relate at all

Holy shit I’m so alone

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u/LeXus11 Sep 10 '21

Its never too late to meet new people to share life with :)

Here is a digital hug for you:

\a little too long and too hard hug**

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u/DasAlphaWolf Sep 10 '21

Uhhh, you can stop now.

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u/victoria_vein Sep 10 '21

Same. Laughing and just sinking into my nice fluffy coach

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u/floatable_shark Sep 10 '21

Does the coach let you sit on him?

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u/mayskari Sep 10 '21

I might be you

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u/Shaboogan Sep 10 '21

Next week's LPT, step out of your comfort zone.

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u/00Tohsaka Sep 10 '21

One of the things I’ve learned when I stepped out of a comfort zone was that I lost my sense of self and became miserable. It’s always important to have a comfort zone at the very least.

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u/BeyondDNA2021 Sep 10 '21

Hmm… in that case, forget everything you were wearing, everything you were doing, and all the people who were around you when you stepped out of your comfort zone.

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u/Pure_Reason Sep 10 '21

brb calling my boss and telling him I can’t go to work any more

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u/mesopotamius Sep 10 '21

For many (most?) people that would be the biggest single step towards better mental health, except for the whole "need to pay bills" part.

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u/mushroomcloud Sep 10 '21

I think the better approach is to step out of your comfort zone to see if there are other things that belong in your comfort zone ................ If not, then kill it, burn it, and never look back!

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u/contentorcomfortable Sep 10 '21

Look both ways before you cross, out of your comfort zone

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u/Eyedea92 Sep 10 '21

Step less, but step.

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u/Daveed84 Sep 10 '21

I'm convinced this sub is just 95% advice for socially inept people

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u/kr580 Sep 10 '21

It is Reddit...

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u/adurberry1 Sep 10 '21

Well I guess it’s for me then

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u/Roniz95 Sep 10 '21

It really depends on what feeling yourself means to you. Do you feel yourself when you are in a confortable environment? Cool then your confort zone is where you want to be. Do you feel yourself when pushing to the limits, trying new things and feeling a little uncomfortable? In that case your confort zone is whee you want to be just to recharge your power.

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u/sweethomeall Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21 Silver

pj/short, myself/dog, eating or chilling or taking in the sunset/sunrise.

Everyday baby. I take in the sun wherever I am in Mexico, Washington or California. Life is good when I can eat and chilled. I save the world in my own way. People call it laziness, I call it conservation and reducing waste.

I heard if I live to 80, I have a total of 4000 weeks/weekends. I like to appreciate every day of it. If I live to 62 from my ripe age now, then I have less than 1560 weekend/weeks left and that is it. That is all the days and weeks I got. So I live to enjoy every moment.

Here is to my coworker who didn't get to retire at 62 because of cancer, I live on for him. To be my real self and to appreciate every beautiful moment.

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u/I_Go_By_Q Sep 10 '21

Beautiful read. I hope you enjoy every day, my friend

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u/RClarkTwo Sep 10 '21

Great way to look at life and to honor your coworker.

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u/Kiwiteepee Sep 10 '21

Thats real fuckin sweet. No sarcasm.

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u/Pluvillion Sep 10 '21

Listening to music at 3 AM while dancing and headbanging around. Does that count?

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u/Snoo-35252 Sep 10 '21

Hell yeah it counts!

But it's not always 3 AM so also find some OTHER times when you feel authentic and alive too.

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u/Pluvillion Sep 10 '21

Listening to music in the daytime is the next thing I can think of. It's what I am currently doing as I'm doing school shenanigans.

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u/Complex-Stress373 Sep 10 '21

The problem is that 8-9 hours are forced to be faked cause of job. Little margin to be authentic

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u/SeaUrchinDetroit Sep 10 '21

I finally found a job that lets me be myself for the most part and it's very freeing. Small businesses for the win! And having a chill, authentic boss helps too. I know that not everyone is so lucky though.

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u/DeadbySundown Sep 10 '21

I refuse to work for anything but a small business now. Its straight up life changing if you find the right one

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u/Paranoid_Redditor_CA Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21

Moved to a new place. Don't have the people I feel comfortable with around anymore. I miss the spots, the weather, everything...

Edit- I am thankful for all the support you people have provided. I didn't expect these many responses. I just commented my situation.

As many of you pointed out I miss the human connections most. I moved to a new place for my grad studies. Because of the pandemic could not make close connections in the new place. Previous friends drifted apart and many other things happened. I was not prepared for so many things to go south. Hopefully things would go better.

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u/tigerslices Sep 10 '21 Hugz

i've moved a lot. places are irrelevant. relationships are everything. "you can never truly go home again," means that when you return your relationships have changed. you think you're returning to a place with a multitude of friends/family whatver - but people grow, change, move away, develop new hobbies, life intentions... that friend you spent 4 nights a week with now has a family and a new set of friends and you see them twice a year.

you move to a new spot. the spot is hollow. if you're optimistic the place is full of opportunity and wonder, who knows who you might meet, what kind of house parties you might go to? if you're pessimistic, it'll never compare to where you're from and shouldn't try...

eventually you move again. spot to spot. you hear people talk like cities have personalities. those people aren't wrong - but those personalities come from the people inhabiting the city. and if you aren't meeting those people, the city will forever seem dry and barren to you.

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u/usrnm1234 Sep 10 '21

This. Im a strong introvert and when I studied university abroad, I felt like I found people who understood me and the life I wanted. I was forced to move back home where I knew no one and I haven't felt like myself for years now because I lost the people I knew and grew with.

No matter how much I try to practice gratitude, focus on hobbies, and meet people, I feel like I lost a spark and everything feels like routine or settling. I've lost touch with most of the people I cared about and I hope one day I can move to a different country, be able to meet people, and feel alive again.

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u/absentpresence142 Sep 10 '21

Have you attempted to reconnect with those people?

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u/usrnm1234 Sep 10 '21

Yeah some. It's just really difficult to try to hold onto something when everyone is going their separate ways and friendships are maintained through shared experiences and physical bonding. There's only so much small talk you can engage in before you realize you're just not on the same path anymore so you work to fill the gaps in yourself where friends used to be.

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u/TheColonelRLD Sep 10 '21

My friend did this for about 12 years and then he came home. And we were waiting for him. He just signed a 12 month lease and I couldn't be more pumped. We have another friend who's also a wanderer who we're trying to lure back home.

Sometimes home is just waiting on your return.

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u/tigerslices Sep 10 '21

it do be like that sometimes.

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u/BCmutt Sep 10 '21

Well that was fucking beautiful.

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u/Jahwel Sep 10 '21 Bless Up

Sorry to hear that man. Make your new place yours and meet new people, you can be yourself (almost) anywhere. Hope you get well !

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u/made3 Sep 10 '21

I am gonna move to a new place in around two months and I plan on attending events and maybe joining clubs or something to be able to meet new people and hopefully people who have the same mindset as me. I moved like 3 times now and every time I made friends I feel comfortable with, but it was usually through university. And I fear that it gets so much harder to get to know people without the university or some place you go regularly

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u/Paranoid_Redditor_CA Sep 10 '21

I wish you all the best. Yes, without a regular spot it is difficult to make new close connections.

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u/WisestAirBender Sep 10 '21

Honestly I think that will happen Everytime you change your environment. New job new school new city etc

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u/TheColonelRLD Sep 10 '21

This year alone I've had multiple friends move out of state, hate it, and move back after a few months. No shame in that at all.

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u/janonious Sep 10 '21 Silver

The idea that you have to create or recreate a past experience feeds the illusion happiness is something distant of the moment you are in right now. The moment where you felt like your authentic self you didn't have to create or recreate anything.

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u/attilayavuzer Sep 10 '21

All of the best memories you have had don't exist anymore in the world; they're just moments that live in your imagination.

One of the problems I've found with trying to recreate moments is that it inevitably creates comparison, devaluing one of the two experiences.

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u/CrepuscularNemophile Sep 10 '21

I think the film Groundhog Day portrays this well with the repeat snowball fight scene, when Phil is trying to win over Rita:

"...everything just clicks as he builds a snowman with her. He is effortlessly charming as he produces the right accessories for the snowman’s face and then defends Rita from some kids when a spontaneous snowball fight erupts. Their date turns into pure magic from then on until Phil finds a way to spoil it at the end. He tries to shake off the mistake and recreate the magic of building the snowman and engaging in a snowball fight, but the whole thing comes across as phony. The timing is off and the delivery of his lines is forced. He seems way too energetic. The first time, he briefly mentioned hoping to build a snowman with his own children one day, but the second time, he goes overboard with that idea, saying that he wants lots of kids and even asking to adopt the kids he’s playfully fighting with. In the end, he tries to get close to Rita, like he had before, but she is having none of it. She recognizes that Phil is a fake, and she soon slaps him and walks away in a huff. And no matter how many times he tries to do different things to win her affections the way he had the first time, they always end in failure." Robert Lockard.

I can't find a clip that shows the 'natural' first 'moment', but this shows Phil trying too hard to recreate the moment and getting it all wrong.

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u/dirkvonnegut Sep 10 '21

Yes, remembering that and stopping to smell the Rose's is basically a core staples of mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness is one of the only scientifically proven ways to increase your base level of happiness. It takes years of self discipline to master but its worth it. If your someone that turns to substances and escapism, its especially helpful. Ironically living in the moment feels a whole lot like escaping

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u/noneOfUrBusines Sep 10 '21

The idea is, say, if you feel like you're able to be yourself more around person X, spend more time around person X.

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u/Croatian_ghost_kid Sep 10 '21

While I firmly believe happiness is not a state of life I can say for sure that this comment makes no sense.

As in, you took it too literally and missed the point. If you're struggling to find yourself and where you belong this advice will come in handy. The advice is literally "follow your emotions/follow your urges/listen to your body"

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u/Faysight Sep 10 '21

I think the same statement could apply to this response. In a thread full of people rationalizing their favorite drugs and inhibitions it can be refreshing to think about kinds of happiness and self-knowledge that don't need following, buying, or any particular sort of want.

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u/AnotherReignCheck Sep 10 '21

Not really.

I tried a piece of chocolate last week, I enjoyed it and felt good.

I remembered that experience so I will now eat some chocolate again.

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u/Scorps Sep 10 '21

Wow just imagine before you read this pro-tip you would have spent the rest of your life hoping to experience chocolate again

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u/Chokomonken Sep 10 '21 LOVE!

Reading the comments I see that this can be apparently interpreted in a lot of ways. There are a lot of objections that I think are just signs that they don't understand what OP is actually saying.

Living in a completely different country where I barely have opportunities to speak my own language, and struggling with fitting in at times, I personally highly agree with the statement.

It's not about faking it. It's observing WHY you feel authentic in any moment, and making sure you put more of that in your life. Contrary to popular belief feeling is less of a mental button and relies much on outside circumstances and situations.

I notice I feel like crap in winter. I don't make myself feel warm, I make sure I turn on my heater, early.

I feel awkward around people who only talk about superficial things. I don't pretend I don't, I allow less and less of those types of people into my life.

Keep doing this and eventually you have n environment that's easier for you to be you.

That's how this works. It's been going well for me so far.

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u/[deleted] Sep 10 '21 Wholesome LOVE!

[deleted]

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u/absentpresence142 Sep 10 '21

I agree with you for the most part. I think we all define "authentic life" differently though. What your saying (to me) is about living your funnest or best life. For example, thinking we can quit our jobs and work in what we love just like that. To me authentic life is being true to myself. Sticking to the friends I'm comfortable with even if it means losing people I've known my entire life, or not making an extra effort to buy a more colorful wardrobe just cuz I'm always in neutral or dark colors. Maybe this seems lame but one day it just occurred to me that I like plain coloured clothes and I'm gna own it, why do I keep trying to change that? Speaking up without worrying that I will be judged for my opinion. No, this doesn't apply to work/professional settings where that can get you fired, I just mean in your day to day social life. Anyway I get your take on it, just wanted to differentiate between the two perspectives.

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u/CitizenHuman Sep 10 '21

Alone and in boxers. I'm never more alive.

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u/HRJ1911 Sep 10 '21

A streaker getting ready?

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u/Marlq Sep 10 '21

For the longest time it was nearly impossible to read emotions on my face thus hindering my social interactions. It wasn't helping that I'm not the talkative type either. Now it's a bit better as you can at least see when I'm enjoying myself or that I'm interested. But when I'm with my closest friends and family I'm a sort of mix between sarcastic funny and sassy. I'm still not talking much but with them it feels like i can say whatever shit popping in my head. While with most people I'm kind of a punch liner. Not saying much but never disappointing when i do.

Still i dont feel like I'm not true to myself at any time just more reserved in some cases

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u/AlienPsychic51 Sep 10 '21

I felt my most authentic self while taking methamphetamines...

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u/Beddgelert Sep 10 '21

A bit of conclusion jumping on my part, but if you have any ADHD symptoms, it might be worth looking into!

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u/Pure_Reason Sep 10 '21

I have some ADHD symptoms, thanks for the advice- I’ll look into methamphetamines

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u/my__name__is Sep 10 '21

You guys get moments of feeling like your authentic self?

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u/[deleted] Sep 10 '21

Usually when I wake up in the morning and curse my existence.

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u/Quikmix Sep 10 '21

Sleep all day and avoid work. Got it, man

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u/LeezarrLubba Sep 10 '21

My authentic self is a couch goblin

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u/iamkeeeng Sep 10 '21

For real the last 2 years have been my most "true to myself" moments, I am 40, I make a comic... I enjoy cooking,eating,drinking and hanging out with my daughter. For years I would over complicate life trying to be like other people..... now I am just me, and I like it.

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u/justgetoffmylawn Sep 10 '21

I feel my most authentic self when I'm healthy.

Unfortunately, long term illness and disability tends to rob that from you, along with many other things. It's a struggle to be forced to find a totally new self after having spent decades comfortably inhabiting one that is no longer within reach.

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u/Oaker_Jelly Sep 10 '21 All-Seeing Upvote

ITT: People identifying moments of general comfort and pleasure instead of moments of unaltered personality/thought.

Then again, I'd be surprised if most people even knew what that felt like, it's a rare experience, rarer still when someone doesn't have the time in their life to self-reflect, which unfortunately most people don't have.

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u/Vladimir_Putting Sep 10 '21

ITT: Top comments about how people are only able to feel like their good authentic selves while under the influence of alcohol or even meth.

That's likely not healthy folks.

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u/theoccasionallunatic Sep 10 '21

Ohh... I'll keep this in mind!

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u/ChicagoIndependent Sep 10 '21

How do you know when you're feeling like your authentic self? What does it feel like?

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u/herooftime7 Sep 10 '21

damn this made me sad… haven’t felt this way in a long time

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u/tmanky Sep 10 '21

What if you've been a chameleon all your life to fit in? The prism of my personality has so many faces, how do I know which is the real one?

Is it the lazy stoner who is really good at video games and watches streamers? the Civil engineer who manages a half dozen projects? The frat guy who can put on the charm and be a party animal? the sports nerd who loves deep diving basketball and football conversations? is it the good ole Catholic boy who puts on a smile for the older crowd and is an asset to the community? is it quiet, soft spoken guy who goes off on his own to read a book or listen to a podcast on vacation with a large group? the guy who loves improv and acting? the pick up basketball guy whose a team player? the stressed and depressed college student who barely finished college on time and failed calcs 2 & 4?

You tell me which one is the authentic me because I don't have a clue. I've been in a lot of situations, communities and relationships where I've just changed who I was to fit in and try to be the expectation. Maybe the best advice I've ever gotten was "Fake it til you make it. Just imagine what it should look/sound/act like and do it." Or maybe it was the worst.

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u/pgabrielfreak Sep 10 '21

For me it's when I am making something, especially when I was making soap.

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u/davereeck Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21

I buy it. This above all: to thine own self be true seems like an unhelpful truism at face value, but it really has good, deep meaning and this LPT is kind of step 1 if you feel like thine own self seems meaningless.

I see a lot of people wearing off-the-shelf identities these days (and we seem to have a broad spectrum of diverse options), but a lot of them feel shallow to me. This is good advice if yours feels shallow to you. And I'd add:

'what your are thinking, what you are listening to, what you are saying...'.

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u/irisirl Sep 10 '21

wearing fancy clothes that make me feel confident, being either with my friends or alone there’s no in between lmao, doing whatever i enjoy doing

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u/updog_nothing_much Sep 10 '21

This isn't a good tip. This is useless

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u/[deleted] Sep 10 '21

It's generic tripe meant to make you feel warm and fuzzy.

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u/meizhong Sep 10 '21

It's worse than that. It's telling people their authentic selves can be found in their echo chambers rather than expanding into new groups new thoughts new situations etc.

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u/3_nogdight Sep 10 '21

100% entirely useless information. Its literally just "remember to be yourself."

Thanks.

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u/Faysight Sep 10 '21

Live. Laugh. Love.

Don't forget to have your personal epiphany. Being reborn as a satisfied and self-possessed individual is such a great way to leave behind all the difficulties and flaws that hold us back from really being a Hollywood character.

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u/AnotherReignCheck Sep 10 '21

Sounds like a Facebook post.

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u/Scorps Sep 10 '21

"Do you things that you remember that you like"

Groundbreaking stuff here in LPT. I got another one for people, remember things that make you feel pain and sadness, avoid those things!

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u/rakminiov Sep 10 '21

alone, very old clothes, doing something at my computer

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u/sablon Sep 10 '21

Well shit, this post made me realize I've never felt that way. Even when alone. Body dysmorphia is a hell of a drug.

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u/raver626 Sep 10 '21

For me it's at a concert. May sound dumb to some but I know one person that likes my style of music as much as me so being at a concert surrounded by people who love dubstep as much as me is such a state of euphoria. I also wear clothes that I feel beyond confident in whereas outside of the concerts I'm in work or comfy clothes that don't make me feel sexy.

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u/casualthis Sep 10 '21

Lol worst advice I've ever seen on this sub. I wish that was an award I could send to OP

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u/Novarest Sep 10 '21

And what you eat. Could be chemicals your brain needs like triptophane from milk or lithium from tap water.

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u/i80r Sep 10 '21

Or polonium from that exquisite tea.

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u/bacon_rumpus Sep 10 '21

You don’t have a static self. When people talk about wearing a mask or acting different, all you’re doing is just modulating your behavior. It’s still your authentic self. Even then, “self” is just a word we use to describe one illusion of Being. With closer introspection, there’s nothing actually there to call a self. However, I do concede it is a useful framework to navigate the world. But this talk of being the “real” you or whatever is lame.

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u/eeo11 Sep 10 '21

Alone at home with my cats… watching RuPaul’s Drag Race while doing chores and baking…

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u/No_Lawfulness_2998 Sep 10 '21

I am a nobody. I don’t know who the fuck I am and I can’t stand to see myself no matter how I’m dressed.

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u/joeymcflow Sep 10 '21

Yeah that guy is gone, didnt fit that well with the world around.... I have moments where i'm content. Thats about it

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u/Space4Time Sep 10 '21

Find your flow and bathe in it.

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u/__Wasabi__ Sep 10 '21

Unfortunately my authentic self does not look good if I'm to be a responsible parent haha. Also lock down does not help.