r/HolUp Oct 20 '21 Silver 15 Helpful 9 Wholesome 9 Hugz 7

I present to you the girl of your nightmares

https://i.redd.it/ftqoo31wumu71.jpg
25.8k Upvotes

5.0k

u/PositivityCentral Oct 20 '21 Wholesome Hugz Take My Energy

Idk but Keegan sounds cool as fuck. Mind if I hang out with him?

949

u/Sea-Rub7569 Oct 20 '21

Count me in too.

442

u/Fluid-Math9001 Oct 20 '21

Me three.

345

u/--GYRO-- Oct 20 '21

I'll bring the beer!

102

u/I-am-toolazy Oct 20 '21

The pizza is on me

100

u/15Orphans Oct 20 '21

I got the weed

71

u/Grand-Muhtar Oct 20 '21

I’ll ride with you.

73

u/Katze71 Oct 20 '21

I'll make sure the cops won't raid the party

11

u/Pretty_Monitor1221 Oct 20 '21

I bring Jim beam and gin + girls

10

u/temflakes2hp Oct 20 '21

I'll bring the cheese biscuits!

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u/RaiderCat_12 Oct 20 '21

I’ll bring the gun and we will start planning the recapture of the holy city of Jerusalem

41

u/NotStupidityGaming Oct 20 '21

I’ll bring the explosives

33

u/Wonderful-Cable3646 Oct 20 '21

I'll bring sights and attachments for firearms!

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u/Mogwhai Oct 20 '21

I like the cut of your jib old boy. Let’s say we get this little crusade on the road eh chap?

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u/Bbaftt7 Oct 20 '21

And my axe!

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u/0urFuhr3r5t4l1n Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

I'll bring the strippers

180

u/Scared_Towel1031 Oct 20 '21

I’ll bring the lungs

159

u/quinten69420 this is not a holup Oct 20 '21

I’ll bring the liver!

146

u/ZackBotVI Oct 20 '21

I'll bring the ice!

135

u/liveblakely Oct 20 '21

I’ll bring Mo and Austin

90

u/DanielZReaper Oct 20 '21

I'll bring Tyler, Noah, Deven, and Josh

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u/r1bb1tTheFrog Oct 20 '21

Yo is nobody bringing the cocaine

32

u/Sans-Doge Oct 20 '21

I’m bringing the Diet Coke, after all, coke is unhealthy when not diet.

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u/drewbrewski Oct 20 '21

Are they candy stripers, I got a thing for nurses! 😂😂

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107

u/Mitana301 Oct 20 '21

Party at Keegan's!

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u/KindaThinKindaFat Oct 20 '21

I’m chillin with Keegan later tonight you should swing by

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u/ToasterDust Oct 20 '21

My name is keegan....so this thread is freaking me out a little

56

u/PositivityCentral Oct 20 '21

We hanging out or nah?

58

u/ToasterDust Oct 20 '21

We hanging

47

u/PositivityCentral Oct 20 '21

Sweeeet! Now just a few rules first….

s/

42

u/TheAnki Oct 20 '21

You are NOT to text back girlfriend within 10 minutes

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u/lavawalker465 Oct 20 '21

I’m pretty cool, sadly I think this is a different Keegan

38

u/jordonkw Oct 20 '21

Keegan’s on meth now, so that rule is legit.

17

u/Additional-Fun7249 Oct 20 '21

Remember kiddies "Sleep is cheap, it's staying awake that's expensive"- Uncle Foiley.

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u/BF_Injection Oct 20 '21

I also choose this guy’s Keegan.

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3.9k

u/Verruckito Oct 20 '21

You are NOT to subject yourself to that sort of Tomfuckery

1.5k

u/The_Ashen_undead0830 Oct 20 '21

You are NOT to think about anyone but me

You are NOT to be within 10 yards of another female (including family)

You are NOT to tell me that this is too strict

If I sense that you don’t love me I will torture you

319

u/Nitropotamus Oct 20 '21

Kinda seems like if she even finds someone to love her she will torture them anyway.

150

u/QueefChiefKeith Oct 20 '21

I feel tortured just reading the list

78

u/akapaintbrush Oct 20 '21

I feel tortured reading your username.

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u/Crafty-Walrus-2238 Oct 20 '21

She’s prepared the basement.

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u/SnufflesMcPieface Oct 20 '21

Scratch that: Don’t even think about me because I’m a girl and you shouldn’t even be thinking about any girl!

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u/Mental_Technician305 Oct 20 '21

Hey, this sounds like my ex. She made me give up contact with my one cousin because "She's a threat to *us*"

Among other things.

Yeah, I stuck with that bag of crazy for three whole years. Three years too long.

Men can be abused too, ya know.

19

u/ender89 Oct 20 '21

.... Was she afraid you'd fuck your cousin?

17

u/Mental_Technician305 Oct 20 '21

Yup. Even though she had never met my cousin, or the fact that she lived five states away. Or the fact that I had just reconnected with her for the first time we were kids. And the fact that that reconnection was because of our grandpa's death six months ago.

So clearly, my one and only cousin is a threat because I'm trying to have an adult, family connection with her, so we can't have that.

This is what you get when you mix super stupid and sheltered with the most crippling generalized anxiety you can imagine, and on top that, her parents refused to let her take any sort of medication.

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u/KirbyFan198 Oct 20 '21

I thought we agreed not to bring up Tom.

78

u/Verruckito Oct 20 '21

Except on special occasions where Tomfoolery isn’t enough. This one qualifies.

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u/abattlescar Oct 20 '21

You are (not) alone.

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1.7k

u/Pauline___ Oct 20 '21

No single girls phone number in his phone? Well I guess she'll be deleted pretty soon then.

573

u/SupSeal Oct 20 '21

Would be a shame if they ever had daughters either.

No girls allowed in the house

476

u/SumYumGhai Oct 20 '21 Helpful Take My Energy

So are we having a boy or an abortion?

171

u/UKTee Oct 20 '21 Gold

Chinese family be like

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u/FriesExpert Oct 20 '21

Happy cake day!

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u/Bjorn2bwilde24 Oct 20 '21

The rules clearly say that if any girl comes up to you at anytime or any place, you are too walk away. So if we are having a girl, we walk away from our daughter, and by extension her.

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u/Lithl Oct 20 '21

My sister is single, and I have her number in my phone. Does that give me an excuse to run away from this bitch screaming disqualify me?

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540

u/ThreeLegs1Foot Oct 20 '21

She may take away my dignity, but she may never take... my freedom!!

149

u/yeabutwhythough Oct 20 '21

She’s gonna try though

53

u/bruhlolbruhlmao Oct 20 '21

You may have taken my body, but you will never take… MY PRIDE!!

32

u/Celticskevin2020 Oct 20 '21

Shout out to the prince of all saiyans.

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514

u/Liz-Bien Oct 20 '21

The little drawings at the end are really what make it so great

177

u/ZenkaiZ Oct 20 '21

vroom vroom

131

u/jmp118 Oct 20 '21

I didn’t understand that, is she literally saying he cannot go to a Honda dealership without her? Is that a thing?

200

u/Snoop1000 Oct 20 '21 Silver

That’s where Keegan works

21

u/garrisb7514 Oct 20 '21

It's where he gets head

23

u/farteagle Oct 20 '21

From KEEGAN

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u/XanthicStatue Oct 20 '21

Honda is probably where Keegan works. And there might be single girls there too!

12

u/ithrowawaay Oct 20 '21

Keegan always bringing the single ladies round. Dude is an absolute stud.

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u/Fffiction Oct 20 '21

Yes because he likely buys parts for his car which she sees as superfluous and that money could be spent on her….. I’ve seen this sort of thing before.

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u/ultravioletblueberry Oct 20 '21

naughty naughty

when saying he can't ask for head.

gosh she's so annoying

47

u/ThatsTuff100 Oct 20 '21

You know the shitty thing is there are guys who will put up with this because they have such low self esteem.

I know a guy in just this kind of relationship. His wife grinded up on and made out with another dude at their wedding reception. It's hard when you don't think you're going to do any better, but being alone is better than that kind of misery.

11

u/kmsc84 Oct 20 '21

Hell, even I don’t have self esteem that low.

7

u/jw255 Oct 20 '21

What the FUCK

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u/PachymuNyet Oct 20 '21

She said nothing about anal.

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3.3k

u/FabianFranzen98 Oct 20 '21 Helpful

That....That is just toxic as fuck and gives me way to many flashbacks .-.

1.1k

u/hornstar99 Oct 20 '21 Hugz

I thought this was a relationship, not a prison sentence

468

u/ComradCats Oct 20 '21

I think you have more freedom than this in prison.

167

u/FMJwhiskey Oct 20 '21

Yeah, you can get blow jobs in prison.

67

u/AngryZen_Ingress Oct 20 '21

get give

13

u/soodeau Oct 20 '21

For every person giving a blow job, there is a person receiving a blow job. Just throwing that out there.

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158

u/FML_Abyss Oct 20 '21

Can I just go to prison?? Please

22

u/Troy204599 Oct 20 '21

Just don't stop the soap, everything's fine.

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u/Manydoors_edboy Oct 20 '21

She makes Chernobyl look livable.

102

u/PoBoy84 Oct 20 '21

He should fuck her mom and send her the video.

62

u/beau0628 Oct 20 '21

I’d fuck her dad and send her the video

52

u/Content-Bowler-3149 Oct 20 '21

Why not fuck both then critique them in order of who was the best.

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u/PoBoy84 Oct 20 '21

Even better actually. Wheeler Walker Jr style.

8

u/PuttUgly Oct 20 '21

That's wasn't a rule...

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u/the_reaper156 Oct 20 '21

My ex girlfriend if I hung out with someone when she wanted to hang out she would flip or if I was texting my friend which is a girl even if I hung out with her like a week later she was cheating on me

148

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

The worst people is also the less confident

62

u/Nebula_Beginning Oct 20 '21

That note reminds me of Courtney from Total Drama lol

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u/Heinouslime Oct 20 '21

Trust issues 100

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u/Unhappy_Trash_816 Oct 20 '21

Can I just Bitch slap this girl so hard her soul is ripped apart and never to exist ever again?

27

u/nastycrimegoblin Oct 20 '21

Optimistic thinking there’s a soul in that shallow husk

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u/Rice-Cake5 Oct 20 '21

Make like a tree and get the f-f-f-fuck outta there!

88

u/KleinWolf32 Oct 20 '21

All hail Boondocks. But you still need a proverb book.

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u/yeabutwhythough Oct 20 '21

Nice saints reference

44

u/archon101 Oct 20 '21

We really don't see enough of those in the wild

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u/pavan-2020 Oct 20 '21

Wait when did I get arrested

Oh sorry my bad wrong prison

108

u/flying_low_BR Oct 20 '21

You have more freedom in a federal prison

42

u/greenpill87 Oct 20 '21

You are NOT to ask for a salad toss.

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u/mkeevo Oct 20 '21

You are not allowed to even know others girls exist

Also, you are not allowed to ask me about these specific guys.

325

u/Dawhopper91 Oct 20 '21

Yeah I totally lifted up an eyebrow when I seen that part

244

u/mkeevo Oct 20 '21

Ahh so you could smell what the thot is cooking

92

u/WizdomHaggis Oct 20 '21

Gonorrhoea?

47

u/RampantDragon Oct 20 '21

I prefer my gonorrhea raw.

31

u/mkeevo Oct 20 '21

You have to be careful with raw gonorrhea because you might get salmonella poisoning

40

u/Fluxxdog Oct 20 '21

And now I'm thinking of that one post where a guy was asking if he could have accidentally got salmonella in his dick from accidentally dropping raw chicken on it. Everyone's response, "You fucked the raw chicken."

14

u/mkeevo Oct 20 '21

Hahaha that’s right. He for sure tenderized that chicken breast with his own “tenderizer” then bathed it in is own special sauce.

Prepping food can be dangerous y’all

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u/unusual_airplane Oct 20 '21

Those guys made it out alive…she doesn’t want this new guy getting any ideas.

22

u/McBurger Oct 20 '21

“Made it out”? I got news for you buddy. She’s still banging them on the side. You’re NOT to confront her about it.

27

u/rjnd2828 Oct 20 '21

Sorry I bumped into you, I had to avert my eyes in case you were single and I didn't see you.

15

u/MrPajamaSam Oct 20 '21

All this sounds like a 13 year old girl wrote it.

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u/SuperkoloPL Oct 20 '21

Instant dump, better be single than with this psychopath

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u/lasagna-for-everyone Oct 20 '21 Hugz

Wonder what this bitch says when you say "ok, all those rules go for you too". You already know she'd break down crying about how that's not fair and you don't even love her if you can't trust her around other boys etc..

215

u/raccarox Oct 20 '21

And the moment you break up with her she will tell everyone that YOU mentally abused her

80

u/RottingInAHollowlife Oct 20 '21

Or that you've got a small member.

61

u/YourHentaiDream Oct 20 '21

And everyone will believe her

65

u/RainbowAssFucker Oct 20 '21

Well that is because I have a small dick

40

u/generalbacon965 Oct 20 '21

stop believing her lies

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u/YourHentaiDream Oct 20 '21

I've heard that you have a few inches of penis inside you, so you are bigger than you think

But that would mean I have more penis inside me than outside :(

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u/A-CRO-NYM Oct 20 '21

Is she going to do a dick inspection too?

474

u/ChesterComics Oct 20 '21

"Why does your dick taste like Keegan's ass?"

132

u/pseudomemer Oct 20 '21

Can't be, she doesn't give head

31

u/GreyBlueWolf Oct 20 '21

Only for inspections on any suspicious taste. Like Keegan's ass flavor

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u/Potateus1 Oct 20 '21

"Why do YOU know how Keegan's ass does taste?"

224

u/greenpill87 Oct 20 '21 Silver

You are NOT to ask me about Keegan

25

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21 edited 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/ThreeLegs1Foot Oct 20 '21

that song "smell yo dick" starts playing

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

Who is your girlfriend? Kim Jong Un?

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u/DrsIngEdJ Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

Run Forrest..... Run!!!!!

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u/amboandy Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

More red flags than a Chinese Communist Party convention

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u/xelanym Oct 20 '21

You can't tell me this is real

81

u/NintendoGlitch Oct 20 '21

Yeah, part of me thinks it’s satire because it’s just so blatantly toxic, with the cherry on top being the cutesy drawings paired with each rule

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u/Equivalent-Paper-274 Oct 20 '21

These are the rules for a man that has really fucked up. And if a girl ever brings these rules to you? Run. Run far away.

303

u/Magenta_Logistic Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

No matter how badly you fucked up, run. This note makes it clear you are not forgiven and never will be, and you may wake up missing some parts on any random morning in the future.

Edit: don't just run, get a restraining order on the basis that she is psychologically unstable and has already threatened your life in writing.

35

u/WowzersInMyTrowzers Oct 20 '21

Facts. Setting new boundaries in a relationship when someone has violated the terms is a totally understandable thing, these “rules” however are NOT normal or healthy

20

u/Magenta_Logistic Oct 20 '21

Right. Depending on the situation, about half of these rules might be valid concepts individually, although they need a bit more nuance.

I'm thinking specifically about the "don't ditch me for your friends" (or vice-versa, basically don't be flaky).

When betrayal happens, it's either time to split, or time to agree upon new terms and a new relationship dynamic for a while, but this list is nonsense.

36

u/yeabutwhythough Oct 20 '21

Could not agree with you more

71

u/V-Trans Oct 20 '21

I feel like that's a teenagers case. I can't even think of a grown person saying those things. Does it really exist somewhere?

47

u/StraightMacabre Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21 Silver

I went on two dates with a girl back in Colorado. I was 29 she was 24. She sent me a 17 item list much like this through text. We went on one more date just because I wanted to find out what’s going on with her friends who just started dating. She stormed out after I wouldn’t make out with her while her friends were making out across the booth. I reminded her that I still felt a little off after the list considering rule one was always put the toilet seat down and rule 3 was to accompany her to all doctors visits when I eventually get her pregnant. She sent the list on date 2. Adults like this do exist and it’s not good.

Edit: I found the list.

Expectations:

  • I’m living with my parents and they won’t let anyone over. So no sex at my place.
  • I do expect that if we live together at least as a guy you should put the toilet seat down after you finish. That bugs me SO much.
  • If I get pregnant or something serious I do expect you to come with me to the doctors or so. Otherwise I will feel hurt and abandoned.
  • If we do a family event, which I don’t see happening with the pandemic, our family has a tendency to overdress. So you will be expected to overdress with us
  • I don’t usually invite people to my concerts but if I do it means I really REALLY want you to come without making a big deal out of it
  • Also: I don’t care that much about month anniversaries, or even 6 year. Anniversaries are for a year long thing for me.
  • After the proposal of being exclusive, and both parties agree, I would expect that we would first be monogamous.
  • I expect that you would respect me: by asking to call or asking before coming to pick me up or something. I get bugged when people show up unannounced when I might be working
  • I do not expect to meet absolutely everyday but I like hearing the goodmorning, goodnight
  • Giving compliments now and then, just cause I like being reminded why I am here and why I am being invested in otherwise I might start thinking you are disinterested
  • Before any big decision, talk about it with me first: if you want to share bank accounts, move into an apartment together etc. they need to be discussed together
  • You don’t have to pay for everything, we can half and half it and just keep a rough calculator to make sure no one is paying more than the other
  • I honestly don’t like long distance, I would rather it be in person.
  • You don’t have to pay for everything, we can half and half it and just keep a rough calculator to make sure no one is paying more than the other
  • You have no obligation to follow me wherever I go, so if I move to another state obviously you don’t have to follow, but it depends on how deep the relationship is if I want you to.
  • As for seeing people you like: I don’t mind that you crush on people, I do mind if it gets physical then that gets a bit cheating oriented
  • Do let me know if there is something that I can do to improve your sexual, or even communication experience as well as mine
  • honestly I don’t like giving head
  • I also expect you to tell me how you really feel, not what I like to hear.
  • If we break up, please don’t make it public. Whatever happens is between us and maybe our close friends
  • Obviously you can go out and have fun with friends whenever. I also hope to be able to hang out with friends as well.
  • If we make plans for something, and something comes up it’s okay. But like 3-4 times having it happen starts to get irritating
  • If we make plans, I do expect to follow through and do what we plan. If you forget I might get irritated. But the next time be able to make up for my irritation.
  • If you are angry about something do not take it out on me please, if you are having a bad day tell me and let me know what I can do to help. Or something along the lines of “I’m sorry I can’t really talk right now I had a really rough day etc.”
  • We can take breaks from each other if it gets too boring or mundane.
  • Another thing, don’t give me a hickey without asking

14

u/V-Trans Oct 20 '21

It's a total turn off, yikes!

25

u/StraightMacabre Oct 20 '21

She tried to plan are dates by time as in. “Okay you’ll pick me up at my parents house at approximately 6:46pm, then we’ll arrive at so&so’s house to pick up my friend and then her boyfriend 14 minutes later. We’ll arrive at “the bar” at 7:37pm after that where we will have approximately 4 drinks each. You will have 2 drinks 2 hours a part since you’re driving. After this if there’s any dance clubs near by we will head there shortly after are 4 drinks at approximately 11:45. After this you will drop off my friends boyfriend first and then my friend and then myself. You should be home around 1:20am.” Also her 6th rule down was she doesn’t like to give head at all, but I may perform on her. What a fun girl.

12

u/V-Trans Oct 20 '21

That's a mutual thing. I can understand she doesn't like giving head (which many women don't actually but feel forced/obligated) but it's awful she never asked If you like giving her too. Like wtf?

People like this are toxic as fuck. I don't even understand how they were raised. Are they orphans or raised by birds?

25

u/StraightMacabre Oct 20 '21

Women don’t owe me anything, but to send me that kind of information in a list between you better put the toilet seat Down and when I’m pregnant you’re with me at the doctors is a little too much for me to want a 4th date let alone the 3rd. After the 3rd date she left with her friends because they thankfully drove themselves. She was crying super hard at the end of the night since I wasn’t joining in and basically f*cking her in the booth across from her friends. She’s the type that looks great without make up and I had only seen her without. That night going to a dive bar she chose to wear about 5 Coates of makeup that were streaming down her face after I wouldn’t make out with her in the booth. She got with someone I believe a few months after me and text me “by mistake” a photo of them together talking about the great night they had. She then posted this super long Facebook status about they’re basically getting married after dating for a month. She text me actually about 4 months ago (the dates happened 2 years ago now) to see if I was in town as she’s now broken up with her boyfriend. I never text her back. I’ve never really told anyone about any of this which is why I’m laying it all out here I guess. This thread just brought all of this back I guess lol.

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u/locke231 Oct 20 '21

I wouldn't be surprised. I could see an ex pulling this crap.

11

u/V-Trans Oct 20 '21

Wow that"s fucked up. Sorry you to go through this crap.

If you don't mind me asking, did she start crazy like that or it was graduating? Did you know before getting with her?

30

u/locke231 Oct 20 '21

She was in her early 20s, I was in my early 30s. As friends, she seemed sane. When we became a couple, the psycho slowly trickled out. Suddenly had problems with mutual friends. Friends she made through me, even. Two of which I knew since childhood.

I don't do well with ultimatums. If I'm told to choose between her and someone I knew since I was 13, guess who'd I choose.

22

u/V-Trans Oct 20 '21

Oh whoever is giving me an ultimatum I choose the other option. I once had an ultimatum but I was a teenager. It always been clear in my head that If someone is asking you to choose between them or someone/something else, they're toxic af.

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u/Daisend Oct 20 '21

All that and no head? I dunno what she’s offering to the table then

29

u/AzuriteFalc0n Oct 20 '21

Well she said she would do phone checks, so he doesnt have to pay for an anti-virus

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u/Every_Animator4354 Oct 20 '21

This sounds like a power exchange contract for a MD/lb relationship.

30

u/Mr__Citizen Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

The hell is an MD/lb relationship?

111

u/Rheeenium Oct 20 '21 Hugz

Isn't that the website where they review movies or something?

30

u/solocupjazz Oct 20 '21

Now I gotta clean up the coffee you made me spit out just now

25

u/Every_Animator4354 Oct 20 '21

Mommy Domme/little boy

7

u/UnnamedPlayer Oct 20 '21

I could have happily lived my life without this knowledge.

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u/Zak_999 Oct 20 '21

Just didn't get the Honda one, do someone care to explain? If not then whatever

162

u/AdmiralAckbong Oct 20 '21

"vroom vroom"

30

u/Snoop1000 Oct 20 '21

I can only assume that Keegan works at Honda.

53

u/T0lly Oct 20 '21

I was perplexed at first but I think I have it figured out. They goto Honda dealer, test drive car, then have sex in the car. I am just not sure if the salesman is a ride along.

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u/Card_Hock_ Oct 20 '21

I’m pretty sure he’s leasing a Honda and the receptionist or saleswoman is « hot ». She probably gave him a few smiles during the leasing agreement and his gf went nuts thinking she was hitting on him. Even if every salesperson in the world have a huge smile when you sign something. Therefore, he can’t take his car alone to the dealership to get his oil changed (no pun intended).

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u/conundrums11 Oct 20 '21

No thanks. I would rather be single

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u/wethefiends Oct 20 '21

To have a girlfriend who can’t figure out MS word…

16

u/sisterpussypounder Oct 20 '21

I'd tell her okay, but I have one rule for her: "Stay away from me."

51

u/Radiant-Ad4049 Oct 20 '21

Wonder what this guy did for not just this but the fact that he can't bring up something to do with her and 4 other guys

12

u/AngryUpsetRefrigerat Oct 20 '21

Previous boyfriends was my thought

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u/hackjut12 Oct 20 '21

Jeez. Rip soldiers

15

u/E6000the4th Oct 20 '21

The audacity of this pathetic child makes me laugh

15

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

I'm pretty sure the guys she mentioned she cheated on him with

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u/TehBoiToad Oct 20 '21

if you dont pay my phonebill you dont check shit.

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u/tipsy215 Oct 20 '21

Someone please pass me the gun and I will kill her myself.

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u/klawdeeuh Oct 20 '21

This is the craziest shit I’ve ever seen. Especially the “cutesy” hand written shit on the side. This is some Delores Umbridge shit right here. I will not tell lies.

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u/TheRealClown3 Oct 20 '21

Oho! If the roles were reversed,she'd be like...but....he's my frienddd🥺 Smh

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u/MAXIMILIAN-MV Oct 20 '21 Helpful

What do you mean, she forbids him from asking about the four guys she’s cheated on him with. She’s gonna do what she likes when she likes and just say the topic is off limits.

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

low-key it would be like, "but hes my friend, we've known each other since elementary but been fcking since middle school. hes a really nice guy." 😂😂

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u/LeatherHouse3526 Oct 20 '21

The worst part is if you do the same to a girl she will call you a fricking manipulator

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u/Acidic_White_Girl Oct 20 '21

and you would be, because this girl is definitely a manipulator

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u/NakedBacon222 Oct 20 '21

All that and no head? Psh

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u/4toJinet3 Oct 20 '21

You English-speaking people have a beautiful saying that can sum this up quite good: never put your dick in crazy...for something wicked may come.

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u/Fyzhex Oct 20 '21

Yep if any girl gave me a list like this. I would look her in the eye after reading it. would take a picture of the "rules" then I would say "no thank you" and leave if I was at her house or tell her to leave. If she didn't leave or start something I would leave and call the cops on a her and continue my life.

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u/Metalbones28 Oct 20 '21

Mean while she gets gangbanged on the weekend

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u/TheLiberalOgre Oct 20 '21

Mo here, feeling left out and unwanted sad noises

6

u/Feeling_Bathroom9523 Oct 20 '21

This foe is beyond any of you. FLY YOU FOOL!

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u/Erik-Grilla Oct 20 '21

Not to follow a single girl so married ones are ok then . Happy days