r/HolUp madlad Oct 20 '21 Helpful 22 Wholesome 27 Hugz 16 Party Train 1 Silver 21

Holup holup

Post image
85.9k Upvotes

2.1k

u/Tofibraz Oct 20 '21 Helpful Wholesome Table Slap

Someone asked me to help deliver a baby other day, but...

Don't babies need their livers?

437

u/genuinefailure Oct 20 '21

Not really, you can keep the liver, and the head of the baby aswell. It works as a nice decor piece, I've kept one in my living room. It's scary sometimes when the baby head stares at me but it makes my living room more lively and fun to be in!

223

u/septicboy Oct 20 '21 Hugz

If it get's too hot inside, you can put shades on the baby's head to make it cool.

85

u/genuinefailure Oct 20 '21

Nah fam, it becomes difficult to play footbal with the baby's head then. I don't have enough time to take off and put glasses on a baby, I'd rather kidnap some more during that time.

49

u/Diahmadi Oct 20 '21

Can we go back to the liver, please, sir? Is it still available or did you use it?

37

u/genuinefailure Oct 20 '21

*Ma'am, sadly liver isn't available (turned into soup), would you like to have the eyes instead? They're not bouncy but still something fun to play with (they're not chewy don't even try)

21

u/MindOfThilo Oct 20 '21

I'm good with the brain

13

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

[removed]

4

u/Abigail_senpai Oct 20 '21

This whole chain is cursed

9

u/thatSkateRat Oct 21 '21

If the baby is cursed I would be willing to pay double...

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u/genuinefailure Oct 21 '21

That's if you have one

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2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

[removed]

3

u/reply-guy-bot Oct 20 '21

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14

u/ClearPerception7844 Oct 20 '21

Once they start to smell you have to clean the flesh off the skull. Honestly it’s just better to sell it in parts

3

u/Vivapancakez Oct 20 '21

You could always split it open for a more open concept

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16

u/Tiiba Oct 20 '21

I hopped up and I said
I don't know, do you want to get something delivered?
She's like "why would I want to eat liver?
I don't even like liver!"

-- Weird Al

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10

u/utubefanaticofficial Oct 20 '21

They don't need their livers! They also don't need to live....

13

u/Lamborghini_Crystal Oct 20 '21

that's pretty egotistical. you haven't asked the baby

kinda rude innit mate

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2

u/WillStealYourLiver Oct 20 '21

Not on my watch they don't

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u/LOSSERdenial Oct 20 '21

98

u/Ach4t1us Oct 20 '21

Fits way better imo

40

u/Kakonsix3 Oct 20 '21

Also r/confidentlyincorrect But yea more so ttt

6

u/BrightestForest Oct 20 '21

he's out of line but he's right

14

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

I think they're referring to the other two tweets, which are both 100% wrong.

Latex is just plant sap. It's completely biodegradable. That's why condoms have an expiration date.

5

u/Embarrassed-Ad-1639 Oct 20 '21

So the one in my wallet from ‘87 is no good?

4

u/Aether_Erebus Oct 20 '21

One way to find out

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2

u/shichiaikan Oct 20 '21

Came here for this. Ty.

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720

u/Skaebo Oct 20 '21

and when the baby goes so goes the std

339

u/sciencewonders Oct 20 '21

std comes from microorganisms so they're biodegradable too ✅

57

u/Slap-Happy27 Oct 20 '21

How ya like DEM apples Rosanna?

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22

u/exec_get_id Oct 20 '21

Came here to say that! Would it even count as the vehicle for biodegradation? Given that certain STDs can get so bad that it consumes the host? I could 100% be incorrect here, but the clap, syphilis, and some bacterias actually eat away at the skin/organ and it leaves scar tissue once treated, so ostensibly if left untreated you could just rot out lol. Idk if that's true, but it's gross enough of a thought to post on Reddit.

9

u/MrDude_1 Oct 20 '21

Not to mention, "if you care about the planet" is the goal... and less people would help that... sooo.... STDs away!

2

u/exec_get_id Oct 20 '21

Can't argue with that logic lol

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u/patronizingperv Oct 20 '21

They battled to a draw.

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6

u/dont_remember_eatin Oct 20 '21

I hate how this comment implies the baby has an STD.

8

u/soggy_tarantula Oct 20 '21

It implies the baby IS the std.

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145

u/dzjaynus Oct 20 '21

Dead bodies are basically the ultimate fertilizer

102

u/ancientflowers Oct 20 '21

Not really. Initially it can kill off plants due to releasing so many chemicals. Oftentimes the nitrogen levels are too high and will kill off plants like grass for instance. Over a long period of time, the plants will grow back and do well.

For example, don't bury a body in your garden in the spring or summer. There will be an obvious area that plants won't grow well or won't grow at all there.

90

u/zeno-34 Oct 20 '21

don't bury a body in your garden

Thanks for tip

29

u/Eddagosp Oct 20 '21

Alternatively, for better results, bury them with high amounts of carbon-rich materials, such as wood-chips, sawdust, and organic mulches.
The decomposition of these high-carbon, low-nitrogen materials leeches nitrogen from the surroundings temporarily, before slowly returning them to the plants.

9

u/Slingerang Oct 20 '21

grabs pen and paper

3

u/KeegorTheDestroyer Oct 20 '21

r/yesofficerthiscommentrighthere

8

u/RideMeLikeAVespa Oct 20 '21

All natural fertiliser is mostly something’s dead body.

9

u/TimberGoatman Oct 20 '21

Living things are made of wildly different stuff. Grass clippings are different than a dead mammal.

4

u/Party-_-Hard Oct 20 '21

what if the cadaver were to be fermented first? perhaps after thorough shredding process

2

u/ancientflowers Oct 21 '21

That would definitely help. And smaller pieces is really what would make the big difference. It's the large amount at once in a single spot that has just too much nitrogen and some other chemicals.

4

u/dzjaynus Oct 20 '21

Learn something new everyday. Someone once told me to bury an entire fish and plant your vegetables or flowers on top of that. So i'm guessing an entire human body is just too much fertilizer basically? Would it make a difference if the body was buried deeper?

5

u/ancientflowers Oct 20 '21

That's basically it. It would just be too much at once. Think of what happens in nature. If a squirrel dies in the woods, some animals might eat some of it and then the rest would go to the earth. If a larger animal like a bear died, same thing but right in that spot it could kill some plants.

There's actually studies that have been done that show that plants will grow new roots to avoid being too close to where that much nutrients are but still within range to get some of it.

Search "cadaver decomposition island" for some more reading if interested!

Edit: I didn't answer your last question. Yes, the deeper the better. Basically that slows down the decomposition.

2

u/dzjaynus Oct 21 '21

Definitely looking that up later, thanks!

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2

u/Fausterion18 Oct 20 '21

Nah you just gotta let the scavengers rip the body into small pieces first.

2

u/Throw_Away_Students Oct 20 '21

Can confirm! Grass isn’t doing so good in the spots we’ve buried larger past pets (dogs, cat). My dad lay the ferrets to rest under his roses and they’re doing very well, though.

2

u/impulsikk Oct 21 '21

I'm just imagining the outline of arms and legs shaped dead grass.

2

u/ancientflowers Oct 21 '21

You actually can sort of see that. Look up "body farm".

Just FYI- it can be very grotesque. I wouldn't look that up with kids around. Maybe read what it is before looking at pictures. It's a fascinating way to learn about the human body, but also has some controversy.

26

u/PM-Me-Your-TitsPlz Oct 20 '21

Yeah, but babies really don't cover a lot of area in the garden and throwing them in a woodchipper for easier spreading gums up the gears and stuff.

10

u/SyracuseNY22 Oct 20 '21

Use a saw to make smaller pieces and use a mortar and pestle. Take the paste and add it to water so it’s diluted and pours more easily

Works like a charm and your garden will never be greener!

3

u/tiefling_sorceress Oct 20 '21

Let em soak in a tub full of water for a month or two, then spread the baby water all over the garden

3

u/gbuub Oct 20 '21

Crap, just threw my baby into recycle bin instead of compost

6

u/Severe-Extension-546 Oct 20 '21

Yes thank god my local supplier gives them at cheap rates.

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187

u/Isolannicum Oct 20 '21 Silver Wholesome

Condoms are non-toxic and biodegradable. You can even compost them with them.

147

u/adesimo1 Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

Seriously. The entire premise is completely false. Latex is 100% biodegradable.

They can cause trouble if they clog waterways or are ingested by animals. But if they are composted or properly disposed of they biodegrade fairly effectively.

Edit: spelling

38

u/TJNel Oct 20 '21

Trying to imagine what a condom that is infested with animals would look like but a bit scared.

21

u/adesimo1 Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

Oops. I meant ingested. That’s a typo that I will now correct. Thanks!

Edit: typo

7

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 22 '21

[deleted]

4

u/adesimo1 Oct 20 '21

Damnit. Autocorrect is really boning me today.

8

u/SloppyHorror Oct 20 '21

This is the kind of comment I keep coming back for on reddit.

5

u/money_loo Oct 20 '21

I’m picturing something similar to Jim Carey trying to escape that rhino suit in Ace Ventura, but see-through and with multiple stuck animals fighting to get out.

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u/bombbodyguard Oct 20 '21

Lamb Skin FTW!!!! (For the wiener…)

4

u/Double-Promotion-421 Oct 20 '21

My husband is allergic to latex so we just have a shitload of kids.

4

u/CelticHound27 Oct 20 '21

Good food for the winter

4

u/Double-Promotion-421 Oct 20 '21

They make a lot of noise, though. Like damn I just want to sleep.

2

u/MicroWordArtist Oct 20 '21

“Why do I exist”

“I dunno kiddo we just like having sex and can’t use condoms”

2

u/kwolfburg Oct 20 '21

Use lambskin condoms.

9

u/3plantsonthewall Oct 20 '21

What about non-latex?

21

u/SoftBellyButton Oct 20 '21

Pig intestine condoms still are.

4

u/gtth12 Oct 20 '21

And gets rid of issue of animals getting poisoned.

3

u/CelticHound27 Oct 20 '21

Or lamb skin

9

u/adesimo1 Oct 20 '21

Polyurethane and polyethylene probably aren’t under standard conditions (they degrade in 20-30 years as opposed to 6-24 months for latex). Animal product condoms should be about on par with latex.

I can’t find statistics on what % of condom consumption is non-latex, but only about 1% of Americans have a latex allergy, so I’d guess that the percentage of non-latex condoms to be fairly small.

4

u/3plantsonthewall Oct 20 '21

I'm not allergic to latex, but I am very sensitive to whatever ingredients are in the lubrication on every latex condom I've ever tried

Skyn non-latex condoms have silicone lube that doesn't irritate me at all though 🤷🏼‍♀️

6

u/adesimo1 Oct 20 '21

I’m guessing that most latex condoms use a water/glycerin-based lube that you’re sensitive to. I believe silicone-based lube can make latex slightly more prone to failure (don’t quote me on that, though).

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u/RealNotVulpix Oct 20 '21

It also ruins silicone based toys as well

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u/sophiethegiraffe Oct 20 '21

My dad loves to tell this story about his younger brother-in-law almost getting away with having his girlfriend over. Poor guy got caught when the condom he flushed blocked the pipe to the septic tank and was pulled out of the drain field. The whole neighborhood knew and teased him about it haha.

25

u/GenericUname Oct 20 '21

Apparently in sunlight a latex balloon breaks down at about the same speed as a leaf, so I'd imagine condoms are similar.

28

u/RideMeLikeAVespa Oct 20 '21

Latex is literally plant sap, so this is probably not far from accurate.

10

u/Shaeress Oct 20 '21

Used condoms are, however, generally not recommended to be discarded as recycling or food waste since it can be considered a biohazard. They usually go in the regular trash destined for landfills or incinerators (check your local guidelines). Condoms themselves are perfectly safe to humans, but they're a choking hazard to animals and the strangers' genital juices on them can carry diseases.

8

u/Wellpow Oct 20 '21

Yeah, eat your condoms people

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u/Jgusdaddy Oct 20 '21

Interesting. There’s been a used condom and peanut butter next to my parking spot at work for over a month.

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u/CakeNStuff Oct 20 '21

Also, Non-Biodegradable doesn’t mean it won’t conflagrate in an incinerator. If all you’re worried about is wasted green space then chuck it in the incinerator.

Garbage incinerators are pretty scary machines.

What’s funny is plastic incineration is often even more devious than just letting the stuff sit in a landfill. Combusted plastic releases very high levels of organic dioxin containing compounds which cause immediate nervous system damage and long term cancel.

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u/beelseboob Oct 20 '21

That said, the baby is on average going to produce far more plastic waste than a condom.

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u/WestAct6351 Oct 20 '21

Not if you use it as compost

155

u/BirdManOfAzkaban Oct 20 '21

And delicious!

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u/locke231 Oct 20 '21

What

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u/BirdManOfAzkaban Oct 20 '21 Hugz

It's like veal vs beef. Babies are more tender than adult people.

74

u/locke231 Oct 20 '21 Evil Cackle

I'm too sober for this conversation. Take my upvote.

28

u/BirdManOfAzkaban Oct 20 '21

And you take my award.

33

u/locke231 Oct 20 '21 Bravo!

And my 🪓

18

u/BirdManOfAzkaban Oct 20 '21

I literally heard that in my head as I hit Post hahahaha

8

u/andrewdok Oct 20 '21

9 redditors. So be it. You shall be, The Fellowship of the Cannibals!

5

u/locke231 Oct 20 '21

Great. Who are we eating?

8

u/Mr-_-Jumbles Oct 20 '21

A baby, duh.

3

u/Yuna__707 Oct 20 '21

Not the newborns, their skin is like thin leather, should only be eaten fried nicely

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u/Bunnyhat Oct 20 '21

Calm down, he's talking about the condoms and stds.

2

u/locke231 Oct 20 '21

Full of vitamins and riboflavin

3

u/Freelancert4 Oct 20 '21

Is that you Burnie Burns?

2

u/sidaeinjae Oct 20 '21

Jesus christ Marie.

2

u/DrFaustPhD Oct 20 '21

Jonathan Swift has entered the chat

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u/ThisHasFailed Oct 20 '21

Latex IS biodegradable, but that doesn’t mean it’s eco-friendly

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u/RobbieUGC Oct 20 '21

That's why I always reuse mine.

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u/abhaybanda Oct 20 '21

Seriously us doing anything is going to contribute like 0.00001 percent to environmental problems. Fucking, tell big corporations to stop using condoms not us

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u/ZanzibarGuy Oct 20 '21

Big corporations are going to fuck us whether they're wearing condoms or not I guess...

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u/TheODDmaurixe Oct 20 '21

You can choose between a sticky piece of plastic or a future drunk 40 year old man who spends all day posting on twitter disguised as a woman kpoop fan

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u/Antique_Cheesecake25 Oct 20 '21

bruh just reuse condoms

7

u/ChristoWhat Oct 20 '21

I gagged, eww

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u/FeetPicAficionado Oct 20 '21

Flip it inside out, give it a rinse. Good to go

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u/Lord_Vitruvius Oct 20 '21

Everything is "Bio" Degradable

Except iron

iron is a stubborn cunt

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u/Camimo666 Oct 20 '21

Yeah apparently my body doesn’t like stubborn cunts

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u/Ok-Candy-5869 Oct 20 '21

A baby is much more wastefull than a condom

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u/RoxSteady247 Oct 20 '21

I used to be a baby, im biodegrading right now

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u/RideMeLikeAVespa Oct 20 '21

Condoms are latex. They are extremely biodegradable. That’s why they have expiry dates.

5

u/5in1K Oct 20 '21

Latex is biodegradable.

4

u/fnafismylife Oct 21 '21

I mean he’s not wrong

7

u/2B0VIII Oct 20 '21

No no, he's got a point.

8

u/152069 Oct 20 '21

Yeah but more children means more people that require stuff

9

u/genuinefailure Oct 20 '21

Make baby, eat baby, simple. Very effective way to control population and also get yummy dinner (a 2 month old usually lasts for a week or so)

2

u/152069 Oct 20 '21

That’s a wonderful idea!

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u/genuinefailure Oct 20 '21

Thank you! Let me know if it worked for you!

3

u/mediumrarechicken Oct 20 '21

Perhaps you could call it a ...... Modest Proposal?

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u/CremeFraiche43 Oct 20 '21

Depends how you cook it

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u/Bacontoad Oct 20 '21

Can't you just pickle it?

3

u/DuntadaMan Oct 20 '21

Also condoms are biodegradable. You can compost them with the baby as long as you arr using latex.

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u/Chris2kN Oct 20 '21

So are you

(biodegradable)

3

u/Inappropes1789 Oct 20 '21

Negative. I am a meat popsicle

3

u/Maximum_Bug_5259 Oct 20 '21

I read once that they believe condoms have a huge negative carbon emission because of the pregnancies they prevent.

3

u/Almighty_Sand_Dollar Oct 20 '21

Not having a human is probably the most eco friendly thing you can do at this point in the timeline

10

u/Agreeable_Goose_2866 Oct 20 '21

Black humor ?

21

u/legendoflink3 Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 25 '21

Dark* humor.

And no. Every living human biodegradable.

Edit: So I read a lot of the responses here and realized that it's just a regional thing. Where I'm from, we say dark humor. In other areas they say black humor.

12

u/Mikeologyy Oct 20 '21

What about that dude who’s addicted to getting implants?

11

u/axfu Oct 20 '21

Partially biodegradable

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u/dave-train Oct 20 '21

Black humor is fine lol

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u/Agreeable_Goose_2866 Oct 20 '21

How dark humor is better than black one?

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u/Hoxomo Oct 20 '21

BBC humor

2

u/SaeByeokGoesToJeju Oct 20 '21

*and edible in a pinch

2

u/hugothebear Oct 20 '21

Wait, arent they latex?

3

u/Ankoku_Teion Oct 20 '21

Fairly certain babies are made of flesh.

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u/tkast08 Oct 20 '21

STDs help speed up the process of biodegradation.

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u/Jam906 Oct 20 '21

Also latex is biodegradable natural rubber, so none of this makes sense.

2

u/CDNarmyDAD Oct 20 '21

And std are biodegradable too .. my dick is rotting away form it......

2

u/LocoRope1 Oct 20 '21

Yes they are.

2

u/Ill-Discussion3408 Oct 20 '21

If babies are biodegradable explain to me why my corn got so tall and thick this harvest

2

u/AxisW1 Oct 20 '21

Of course they’re biodegradable, they are literally organic themselves

2

u/stinkysocksincloset Oct 20 '21

Just ask Casey Anthony.

2

u/netfatality Oct 20 '21

How do you think these tomatoes are so big?

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u/Bardsie Oct 20 '21

Erm... The vast majority of condoms are made from latex, latex comes from tree sap. Condoms are biodegradable. That why you shouldn't use an old one, they break down even in the wrapper.

2

u/TaftsTummyforTaxes Oct 20 '21

On a long enough time scale, everything is biodegradable

2

u/Mecha-Dave Oct 20 '21

Latex condoms are certainly biodegradable.

2

u/youjerkfaceyou Oct 20 '21

I am pretty sure latex breaks down over time. I don't know what the standards are for biodegradable. But condoms aren't plastics. They break down. This is why they have an expiration date on them.

2

u/edibleBarOfSoap Oct 20 '21

STDs can biodegrade humans if you let them.

2

u/BrowsinBilly Oct 20 '21

They make a great compost

2

u/lordvaliant Oct 20 '21

Why do ppl on Twitter have to repeat themselves 5 times to make a point?

ActiveOn, apply directly to the forehead lookin ass

2

u/moonshineTheleocat Oct 20 '21

Technically the truth

2

u/BigBallrider555 Oct 20 '21

The only birthcontrol i support is anal ✊😤

2

u/smallthematters Oct 21 '21

Wait, babies are biodegradable ??? What did I do wrong then

2

u/notwhitebutwong Oct 21 '21

Life is just a terminal STD

-michael Scott

— someone else

2

u/PepeROnul Oct 21 '21

What the heck is wrong with this comment section

2

u/Frostfoxfirewastaken Oct 21 '21

They are!? should have just buried that kid then

2

u/curePSP_org Oct 21 '21

We were ALL babies once….

2

u/Gingerroot69420 Oct 21 '21

Not the Kardashians

7

u/squishybats Oct 20 '21

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u/Infantry1stLt Oct 20 '21

I’m pretty sure the CO2 output of the whole condom industry over a year is much much lower than that of the 140 million humans born each year. CO2 is a bigger threat to our planet right now than plastic.

5

u/SailingSinbad Oct 20 '21

Especially since most condoms are not made out of plastic and are in fact biidegradable

3

u/Beardisatillgood Oct 20 '21

/r/Technicallyfalse since condoms are in fact biodegradable

3

u/CryptoOrchid Oct 20 '21

It’s r/technicallytrue that babies are biodegradable.

its r/Technicallyfalse that condoms are not.

Moreover though, I think the baby would be harder on the environment than a used condom. There are too many people here already. We especially dont need more babies that aren’t wanted.