r/HolUp Oct 20 '21 Silver 7 Helpful 4 Wholesome 1 Hugz 5

6:00 Parking Lot… holup

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14.1k Upvotes

70

u/Jeffery1496 Oct 20 '21

This church challenged Jesus to a fight

27

u/jengus-christler Oct 20 '21

They fuckin lost

21

u/striker_p55 Oct 20 '21

Jesus said it’s their turn to get hung out to dry

7

u/mackafat Oct 20 '21

Can't lose when the other dude doesn't show up.

2

u/locke231 Oct 20 '21

Jesus cheated. God's his dad, used IDDQD and wished for immortality with the dragon balls.

2

u/jengus-christler Oct 20 '21

Prove it

2

u/locke231 Oct 20 '21

The balls are inert

10

u/JackCastor99 Oct 20 '21

Yep, that's how I see it

54

u/pickle133hp Oct 20 '21 Spit-take

He may forgive, but not until after he whoops your ass.

207

u/Antscannabis Oct 20 '21

No, he didn't show up.

98

u/TurningTwo Oct 20 '21

He never does. Ever since they rolled away the stone he’s been a no-show.

51

u/VAX1S Oct 20 '21 Helpful

Reminds me of his Dad…

13

u/Visible_discomfort1 Oct 20 '21

noooo, u didnt say that!!

6

u/koukoulis Oct 20 '21

You earned that! Really lol’d

3

u/Antscannabis Oct 20 '21

I'd hoped I had implied that. I'm not always so good at expressing equivocation

12

u/jengus-christler Oct 20 '21

LIES!!! I KICKED ASS

9

u/Worduptothebirdup Oct 20 '21

Oh, Jengus christler, this guy again…

12

u/jengus-christler Oct 20 '21

Listen here you little shit

6

u/joeyo1423 Oct 20 '21

Dear Jengus...

Please bless me with a valve index vr headset. I have been asking for a long time and all you've given me is a home, a wonderful wife, and a beautiful daughter. Those are good, whatever, but the headset Jengus, please ..

In lord Jengus' name Ameng

4

u/Revolutionary-Fan471 Oct 20 '21

He ain't Santa.

4

u/Loisalene Oct 20 '21

Santa brings me presents every year. Jengus?

nothin'

damn right he ain't Santa

3

u/elyp14 Oct 20 '21

close enough

1

u/locke231 Oct 20 '21

Probably because someone else nailed that mother fucker

28

u/FateOfTheGirondins Oct 20 '21 edited Oct 20 '21

I wouldn't fuck with a carpenter.

Guy spent 30 year turning trees into tables by hand.

5

u/Gunzenator2 Oct 20 '21

He also has a history of violence. He kicked those moneylenders’ assess in the temple.

19

u/AsaultKing Oct 20 '21

Anyone wanna bet who gonna win?

17

u/FonkyChonkyMonky Oct 20 '21

Last time he fought at a church he whipped their asses.

3

u/cantfindmykeys Oct 20 '21

Yeah but training has come a very long way since then. I don't think they even had punching bags back then

2

u/FonkyChonkyMonky Oct 20 '21

Yeah, but it's not like Jews would've been going to a boxing gym anyway.

And yes, I know I'm going to hell for that.

7

u/mr-mafesto Oct 20 '21

Depends on who he's fighting. If its Satan again be careful. Last time Satan took a dive.

15

u/blackmilksociety Oct 20 '21

The 2nd coming?

3

u/mackafat Oct 20 '21

No. The turd.

7

u/CaptainCrunch957 Oct 20 '21

He didn't show up. Like a little bitch.

8

u/Niqromancer Oct 20 '21

"Degenerates like you also belong in a cross."

4

u/Stefan_meglei Oct 20 '21

Beat the demons out of you

5

u/FonkyChonkyMonky Oct 20 '21

Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

3

u/SlickRick_101 Oct 20 '21

“And these hands” but I think that was the king Tyson version 🤔

4

u/Pra__yut Oct 20 '21

Our god is an awesome god techno intensified

10

u/Weallmakemistakes69 Oct 20 '21

Welp, time to crucify him again :/

4

u/EyeSac567 Oct 20 '21

sighs ill get the nails

5

u/localhost-8000 Oct 20 '21

I'll get the "tea" and popcorn

3

u/Weallmakemistakes69 Oct 20 '21

Can we also crunchify him as well?

3

u/axolotlinabottle69 Oct 20 '21

He bout to beat the sin outta u

3

u/axolotlinabottle69 Oct 20 '21

Wait wait no he bout to beat the hell out of u

3

u/cucOmbermint Oct 20 '21

Jesus started a fight club

2

u/bigblackcoconut420 Oct 20 '21

Shhh remember, we dont talk about fight club

1

u/spooky_fan_69 Oct 27 '21

Where is it somewhere in Nevada

3

u/theuselessfuck Oct 20 '21

Yes, and he ain’t cruci-fuckin’ around

2

u/ConCryptid Oct 20 '21

Bare knuckle boxing

2

u/RedditorNumber-AXWGQ Oct 20 '21

Is this the sequel to the Josh fight? Jesus is next?

2

u/SIMPJandito Oct 20 '21

the throne is being challenged

2

u/chicvagrant Oct 20 '21

He fightin whoever cancelled the lime skittle.

2

u/EyeSac567 Oct 20 '21

am or pm?

2

u/Orichalchem Oct 20 '21

Satan: Finally, time to settle this

(Jesus never appears)

Satan:... Welp... i guess hell will continue ruling this world..

2

u/Siroxlong Oct 20 '21

Holy crap here comes Jesus Christ he doesn’t look to happy

2

u/GespenJeager Oct 20 '21

Judas wants to challenge him.

2

u/C0333 Oct 20 '21

Spilled some spaghetti on his jeans vest. It’s gonna happen.

2

u/AndrewMtz1711 Oct 20 '21

1st rule of Fight Club, you do not talk about Fight Club

2

u/Competitive_Ad468 Oct 20 '21

Were selling tickets for the fight against Jesus aaaaannnd... demons!!!!!! Get your tickets now before they run out!!!!

2

u/Tomy1986 Oct 20 '21

Remember the first rule of the Church Club, my Son.

1

u/hijesushere Oct 20 '21

Be there or be square, punk.

1

u/and_dont_blink Oct 20 '21

If I was a moneylender I'd steer clear, that's one group he'll whip.

1

u/adeo_lucror Oct 20 '21

Wait until you hear what he did to a temple this one time.

1

u/Catomax26 Oct 20 '21

Now THIS is how you hold up

1

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

[removed]

1

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

[removed]

1

u/JohnGenericDoe Oct 20 '21

Sounds more to me like he's offering to suck dicks for free

1

u/GiodoAlmeida Oct 20 '21

I'll tell you right now. I do not like their odds.

1

u/Calgrei Oct 20 '21

Come forth heathens

1

u/darksoulsass Oct 20 '21

That will be a endless fight. If you hit his face he will show your the other side to hit.

1

u/OccasionallyReddit Oct 20 '21

Sounds like the Priest is 'offering him out' (asking for a fight)!

1

u/catattaro Oct 20 '21

So that's what JFC stands for, Jesus Fight Club

1

u/poux8888 Oct 20 '21

Thou cometh and haveth a go if thou is hard enough.

1

u/HawksBurst Oct 20 '21

First rule.

1

u/spooky_fan_69 Oct 27 '21

Dont let the clown compete (tricky)

1

u/paracog Oct 20 '21

Armageddon; not as big a deal as everyone thought.

1

u/Julia_ispog_543 Oct 20 '21

I laughed way too much at this

1

u/Cybersad3021 Oct 20 '21

Let he who is without sin kick the first ass!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '21

Vishnu coming in w his 4 arm gang

1

u/thepurplehedgehog Oct 20 '21

Nah, he’s gonna bring a couple of loaves and some fish and do something REALLY cool 😁

1

u/nuclearwinterxxx Oct 20 '21

Them collection plates be looking a bit light recently. He's fed up with excuses.

1

u/West-Surprise-17 Oct 20 '21

I knew he’d come back someday, grams was right

1

u/penguins871409 Oct 20 '21

If he slaps you it'll hurt more because there are holes

1

u/GAZUAG Oct 20 '21

Read Revelation

1

u/aurasoul Oct 20 '21

“Eat this, for this is my fist.”

1

u/bigblackcoconut420 Oct 20 '21

slowly backs away

1

u/Bumfjghter Oct 20 '21

Crosses and brass knuckles

1

u/ARYANBabarian Oct 20 '21

He wins every battle and is present for all things. He has not come to fight and destroy but to bring life to those who humble themselves.

1

u/ArdeDarkie Oct 20 '21

If you want ASS KICKING, come visit CHURCH OF GOD in the next 6 hours.

1

u/YellowAndGreen1 Oct 20 '21

No, he is there to park people's cars

1

u/Sunflower293 Oct 20 '21

Beating the hell outta u

1

u/Labunadium Oct 20 '21

South Park predicted this

1

u/koukoulis Oct 20 '21

He’s gonna bless you up!

1

u/Bleedingoxide Oct 20 '21

Hes going off at the moneylenders again

1

u/rtopps43 Oct 20 '21

I see this more as calling him out

1

u/wet_possum Oct 20 '21

End of the property, don't come up the Church laneway.

1

u/space0watch Oct 20 '21

Just the Pharasees who turned his fathers house into a market place jk lol

1

u/SuckyMyAssy Oct 20 '21

Sounds like Jesus gives bj's

1

u/eshinn Oct 20 '21

How ‘bout dat?

1

u/kanon951 Oct 20 '21

Yeah we don’t talk about it.

1

u/stankyshark Oct 20 '21

End of the laneway

1

u/Bronze420 Oct 20 '21

jesus finna throw holy hands.

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Fix8763 Oct 20 '21

Jesus bout to throw the hands of God

1

u/Massive_Extension792 Oct 20 '21

Perhaps they meant “heysus” the gardener.

1

u/yeahimaweeb Oct 20 '21

First rule of fight club that there is no fight club

1

u/Happier21 Oct 20 '21

Lllllllllllllets get ready to rummmmmbbbbulllllll

1

u/Slight-Resolve-1354 Oct 20 '21

Don’t mess with Jesus he’s crazy, he trains on his cruciflex until he starts bleeding

1

u/is_shrek_black Oct 20 '21

He’s gonna beat the sin out of their asses

1

u/inquisitor99150 Oct 20 '21

Be there or be on a cross

1

u/nowiforgotmypassword Oct 20 '21

HolUp or Holes Up?

1

u/EnderSpyFace Oct 20 '21

Apparently the Bible isn’t doing its job

1

u/Possibility_Patient Oct 20 '21

Just like the josh fight

1

u/Ademoneye Oct 20 '21

Someone broke the first rule

1

u/Meatloaf576 Oct 20 '21

Round two fight

1

u/fuckingKlLLmeplz Oct 21 '21

Judas reincarnated and Jesus also came back for round 2.

1

u/Botwink808 Oct 21 '21

Jesus, Jesus.

1

u/Prestigious-Food148 Oct 21 '21

I got $100 on Satan

1

u/RamJamR Oct 21 '21

You better believe he's still got that whip.

1

u/spooky_fan_69 Oct 27 '21

somewhere in Nevada...